HIM

CHAPTER 45

Everyone was dressed in sombre shades of either grey or black. They all looked drab.
We were standing in a small circle as the Pastor presided over the burial ceremony.
The coffin had been covered with probably a whole garden of flowers.
I thought I hated flowers in that moment. They were so pretty and lovely, and that for me didn't fit the occasion. They were not supposed to be there, I thought.
Or maybe there were there to remind us of just how short life was, one time you're alive, the next you're dead.
I felt a strong blunt pain on the both sides of my head. I had never experienced that before.
So as not to attract attention to me, I just stood there strong. After all, everyone here was trying to be strong.
Friends had come, family had joined even the one time cruel mother- in- law
was here. It's Cindy who had pointed her out to me earlier.

He prayed the final prayers then the coffin was slowly lifted out of the viewing table, and carefully placed on the stand in the grave. It was spinning slowly, and every spin drew her farther away from us, away from the world of the living.
When the first spade of soil was thrown in the grave, my eyes watered suddenly and uncontrollably. I just clutched on to Dad, as Mum held on to Grandma who was seated in the only seat that had been available.
There is something so entirely painful about that moment.
It's the thought that you can never see them again. And it is the time you truly believe they are really dead.
I didn't want to look away either. So I just kept watching as different people took turns in handling the spade as the mound kept rising and rising. Till all was covered, the whole grave risen up so well and so fresh.
Then a cross was placed on the mound ;
     MELANIE JOY TED
      REST IN PEACE.

Till we meet again little Melanie.

***
Grandma was sick by the time we got home. She had a fever and her whole body was shaking.
Mum gave her painkillers for a start but she wasn't improving. She just lay there, complaining of joint pains and severe headaches.
She had vomited twice in an hour.
And she had insisted she didn't want to go the hospital either.
So Mum called a doctor.
Doctor Daniel he was. I knew him because I'd seen him enough to know who he was.
He asked if there had been an event recently that might have triggered  stress. Mum explained it to him.

"OK, just keep her safe mentally, she's too old to be stressed right now. It might be critical than you know. I've prescribed her medications, which you're to ensure she takes to completion and correctly. Otherwise she'll be fine after a few days. Plenty of rest for now. "

There seemed to be some kind of reaction between Mum and the Doc. I know my head was full but I think it was obvious.
They looked drawn to each other.
I had missed that my whole life because I never once saw the two of them together. Deep down I was hoping there was nothing between them. I stole a glance at Dad who seemed to have noticed them too, his face was somewhat in a fury.
Jealous!
But he didn't do anything, he just stood there as I prayed inwardly that it'd end soon.
I quite didn't like the idea of my mother liking another man. It'd mean my father was never getting a chance therefore no room to ever be a family again, just a father to me.
And frankly, I do not think I had the strength to handle two fathers, if it ever came to that.

Stop overthinking Linn!

He gave a clip file to Mum to sign it. But before she could pay the bill, Dad walked up to him, "Let me take care of that."
"No, I'll do it," Mum insisted.
"Please," Dad pleased.
And she let her.
I was glad.
He drew our his wallet and took out a few crisp notes, handed them to the Doc.
Then he left.

I took to Grandma's room immediately, but found her asleep. So I went to my room instead.
I had wanted to do that in a long time: to leave the two of them alone abruptly so they'd behave awkwardly around each other.
Too bad I wasn't around to watch them.

I tried calling Flen again but it still went straight to voicemail. I didn't know where he lived, I didn't know his friends. I just knew Flen.
Maybe Gabby would do for today,  I just needed somebody to talk to. But he was off.
So I slowly slid out of bed, and decided it was time to go see May. Plus, she'd not seen me in school today so she'd be worried.
If I just explained everything about Bill and how my life had been, she'd offer me solace.

I made my way to the sitting room quietly. I didn't want to stir any attention.
But what I found surprised me.
Mum was there, all held in Dad's embrace.
"I don't want her to die too," she cried.
"It's alright, she'll be fine Anne."
So Mum was in fear that Grandma would succumb to her sickness. I felt pain, seeing her that weak.
Then she just kept crying, I could hear muffled noise.
I stood there long enough, till I saw Dad lift his eyes and caught me watching them.
He didn't say anything, he just looked at me silently and politely.
I smiled at him and slowly walked back to my room.
May would have to wait.