A Faithful Memory

It began right here

Technoblade would not look at him. Philza stood anxiously gazing at him, trying to read what little expression the hybrid had on his face. But Techno was always so still; the only sign of his emotions were his ears, which lay limp against his hair.

Phil rocked back and forth on his heels, suppressing his instinctual impulse to speak to Techno, try to soothe his troubled emotions. But Techno had to make this choice for himself, and Philza would abide by whatever he decided. Even so...Phil really, really wanted Techno to say yes. He felt a connection with this man that he could not remember having with anyone else, not even Kristen. For Kristen was his wife, his other self. But Techno...Techno had the semblance of a brother Phil had never known he'd needed.

What was Techno thinking right now? Philza's gaze darted from Techno's narrowed eyes to his tight fists, to the downward tilt of his head, the stance that was even now aggressive, the tangled pink hair that reached his shoulder blades, the way he was ever so slightly shaking his head. Phil wondered what the Voices were saying to him, if they were hurting him as they had done before.

Techno began to pace. He wrapped his arms around himself and started his near-constant habit of muttering to the Voices. Phil wasn't sure the hybrid even realized how often he did it. "No, I won't take him there. Do you realize how much danger he'd be in?" "All I would see is blood." "Hard to kill, don't give me that. All it takes is a sword through his neck and he's-" "Stop it, that's not what I meant. I don't want that, and you know it!" "And just how far do you think he'll get? All it would take is for someone to realize, oh my gosh, he's an angel of Death, and we'd be done." "I am not. There was no defense in that sentence. Do not change the subject!" "I am not responsible for hi-" He stopped.

Phil was pretty sure he'd understood maybe half of that. The Voices seemed to want Phil and Techno to travel together, and their pressure seemed to be getting to the hybrid. He was standing still about seven feet away from Philza, his body in profile, his head bowed, chest heaving, hands clenched again. Philza took a step forward. "Mate?"

Technoblade's head whipped towards him, his eyes wide and teeth bared. "Stop."

Oh boy. Philza ceased to move at all. He'd messed up somehow.

Techno continued to glare, but as the angel remained still, the tension began to ease from Techno's frame. Though he never blinked as he searched Phil's expression for something he apparently couldn't find. "You're not afraid of me."

Phil took a second to think about it. "Startled, yes. Afraid? No, Techno, I'm not afraid of you."

"Why?" Techno asked.

"Because, mate, I see more in you to marvel at than to fear."

Techno flinched. He almost stepped back, but stiffened as his foot moved. Anger flickered over his face, but it was gone in a moment. "Why? Why does it matter so much?"

Philza stayed very still. "Because everyone fears you, don't they?" Taking a chance, he let his emotions touch his words, hoping Techno would not shrink from them. "No one's ever actually tried to be your friend, have they? No one's ever helped you. They all either ran away or fought back, and that left you alone in the end. That's why it matters."

Techno's jaw tensed. Phil could hear each tooth dragging across each other as the hybrid ground them together. "I can't understand you." He said at last. "You and your heart." His hands went to his head and grasped fistfuls of his hair. "Maybe they should fear me, Phil. Do you know who I am? I am the Blood god, Phil. I bring down governments, tyrants. I kill those in power. I am the destroyer of orphans. I rage and I slay and I devour. Maybe they should fear me!" His hands tightened and his eyes grew wider, "And what about you, Phil? You're like, almost the complete opposite! You bring life, Phil! Life, where I reap blood!"