The Vicious Viscount

chapter 29

Chapter twenty-nine

"What?" malcolm whispered in a voice so raw that it couldn't be him. Mabel tore away from him, tears running down her cheek, his eyes watering. Her words had not registered in his head, We cant! We cant! Because I cant stand to live seeing your face and being remembred of our son

It passed a long chilling moment of his heart hammering in his chest as everything in his system went numb besides her, "I—I have a son" his throat worked silently at the foregin words that left his mouth. She was sobbing and it turned into cries that he wanted nothing else but hold her deeply and see his son—"I had a miscariage" she cried out before slumping on the ground as her whole body trembled and shook in tears.

The cold, the birds, the universe could have been in another place and he would not been aware, hearing that—"Oh god" he felt ill, he breathed heavily feeling a stone weight over his chest, squeezing the breath out of him, she had lost their baby, she had---"When, why didn't you come to me?---" he asked in a small tone, , she sniffed harshly, "You kicked me out, do you think I would chain you with a child of a mother you despiesed, we had intercourse out of wedlock, you would think me of using a child---"

"I was a part of it, I---"

"Society doesn't see it that way and you know it, a woman gets punished for her action—"

"To hell with society! I would have never stranded you with my child in your stomach, you know I wouldn't, god---" he swallowed hard, remembering the words he had said before she was gone, 'I want you out of my life, this second. And by god if you ever appear In front of my sight may god have mercy on you'

What had he done.. gosh,

Mabel realised a disbelief scoff, one that sounded ugly to his ears, but he deserved it. Because he had shown her how he hated her and thrown her out without the thought of their love making turning into pregnancy, "You say that now, but I doubt it would be the same before.. I—it doesn't matter anymore,  I have to live the rest of my life being reminded of the past when you're here, I want---"

Malcolm sighed pleadingly, in a pain that was unbearable, "I cant—I cant imagine my life without you, Mabel"

"Live the way you have, life must go on"

"My life is worthless—without you in it"

She bit her cheek watching him beg, he was reaching for her now and without warning held her again, and than panickly drew back to look at her,"Your burning! God," his cold hands touching her head, she watched the worry in his face and felt weirdly warm.. that he cared.. but she did not show it and instead brushed his hand off mumbling that it was nothing

"What do you mean by nothing, we have to call a doct—"

"It isnt necessary," she shook her head, it was a mild fever that would go over

He trailed his fingers in a circular motion on her cheek, her breath hitched from the way he was looking at her, like before.. when life seemed perfect, "Please, darling, you will get even sicker in this weather, let me take you in" his eyes didn't leave her face, gosh he was making this hard. This past weeks without him had her relaise what was the reason of her nightmares and sleepwalking returning was, it was him, because he simply reminded of the past, the best and worst part of her life, him being the best, and everything else was misery. But she needed the past closed inorder to move forward, from pain and misery, "Malcolm, I know you came to solve, but there is nothing there, what we had.. it was gone, you didn't even remember me, you loved stephanie---"

"I knew it was you, everything I did was to spite you, hurt you because I believed you were back to—"

"Swindle you, hurt you. I know, I do, after all my mother was the greatest example" she muttered, as he pounded on, "Your not your mother, for gods sake you never knew of her.. i had always thought you tricked me, I should have trusted you. I- I" he was lost for words, he had never had easy when his emotions took over, his heart beating fast and sweat running down, he was in the most panic state a human could be in.

"I need space," she held his hand and dragged it from her face, Malcolm gave her space by taking several steps away, Mabel than said, "I need space from you, from everything, I cant—not when it its so fresh, I know that I am not deservy of hearing explanations for I could have told you years ago, but it hurt, it hurts when I wanted no was desperate for you to hear me for the secondth time.. I cant go through that again, to not be the one you trust," she sobbed and held her mouth hiccuping in process.

Please.. god.. please, I— than he caught the glimpse of need In her eyes, how could he be selfish to believe she would forgive him, for doubting her, for kicking her out and throwing cash, for never hearing her out. He could not be selfish, even if it would kill him, destroy him to give her that space.

"I wont give up... Never, I will wait for you as long as it takes" he meant every single world, she was what he wanted.. what he always wanted.

He clenched his fists holding the urge to kiss her, hold her and sink down with her, he knew it was not what she needed. And with a swift look over her he signaled the footman to take her in, and with that Malcolm stood motionless as she was token in, her eyes looking at him over her shoulder, he wished for her to say she would give him a chance, to not leave him.

He didn't know for how long time he stood in front of her porch, but he knew the biggest regret of his life was never her. It could never be her.

And he had never hated himself more.

_____________________________

VOTE AND COMMENT