Burn the truth (ENG)

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"How did group therapy go this morning?" Louisa asked as she poured us coffee.

I crossed my left leg over the right and leaned back against the couch. "What do you think?"

She gave me a sideways glance and put the pitcher back in its place. "You barely spoke, Zara, and you looked uncomfortable."

"Maybe because it had something to to do with him?" I suggested dissatisfied.

Louisa sat across from me and placed the cups on the table. "No, it was about self-esteem. Selfworth, Zara." She popped two sugar cubes into her cup and stirred with a plastic spoon. "That you got him involved in that is an obvious problem."

I held the cup of coffee in my hands and sighed.

"Selfworth, stands for the way you look at yourself. The value you add and radiate to yourself."

I took a hesitant sip.

"The only and most important relationship you have is with yourself. In order for all of your other relationships to work, you must consider the time you spend on yourself and your own needs.  When you feel fulfilled with yourself, project the same positive energy into the world out there and all of your relationships will benefit." Her gray eyes looked at me convincingly.

Louisa took a sip of her coffee and gave me a moment to let her words sink in.

"It's no use calling ourselves ugly, because we don't see ourselves from a different perspective. We don't see ourselves sleeping, curled up and still with our chests going up and down at our own pace. We don't see ourselves reading a book, eyes flutter and glow."

I fiddled nervously to the bottom of my sweater as I listened intently.

"You don't see yourself looking at someone with love and care in your heart," Louisa muttered after a minute and I looked up. "There is no mirror when you smile and the happiness leaks out of you. You would know how bright and beautiful you are if you saw yourself in the moments when you really are yourself."

I absorbed her words and let them play again and again.

Louisa put a cookie in her mouth. "Were you also so timid, insecure about your body and worth before?"

I shook my head and tightened my grip on the head. "I was...happy with the way I looked. I was comfortable under my skin."

Louisa nodded. "I want you to bring that confidence back into yourself, Zara."

She placed her empty cup on the table and leaned forward. "One day you wake up and you are here. You are in this place where everything feels right. Your heart is calm. Your soul is enlightened. Your thoughts are positive. Your vision is clear. You are at peace, at peace with where you've been, at peace with what you've been through and at peace with where you're going."

I stared ahead deep in thought.

"That's our goal, Zara. That's where I want to take you."

Hope bubbled up.

"Do you think it will work, Louisa?" I asked her as I looked at her hopefully.

She gave me a reassuring smile. "You've been criticizing yourself for months and it hasn't worked. Try to accept yourself and see what happens."

~

As soon as the car stopped in front of my Faid's house, I opened the seat belt and got out of the car. Raindrops fell as I waited for Imran.

When Imran wouldn't get out, I knocked on the window and it rolled down. "Aren't you coming?" I asked him as I held my bag above my head.

He put his phone away. "Go ahead." His grip on the steering wheel caused his knuckles to turn white. "I'll come within 10 minutes."