Burn the truth (ENG)

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I went to bed tired. I raised my legs over the bed and lay down.

With my hand, I patted next to me and looked at Ela expectantly.

She jumped over the bed excitedly and lay down next to me. I handed her the bottle of warm milk and she happily accepted it from me.

She placed her little hand on my stomach as she drank from the bottle. A habit she had adopted for a while.

I glanced at my swollen feet and let out a sigh. They hurt.

"Mommy," Ela muttered after she finished her bottle. She sat up and placed her other hand on my stomach as well. "Baby kicks."

I put her empty bottle on the nightstand next to the bed and nodded. "Yes darling." Ignoring the kick in my stomach, I pulled Ela's pillow close. "Come to sleep."

----
[Zara - five months ago]

I pushed the drugstore doors aside and stepped inside.

A female employee emerged from behind the cash register. "Good evening, how can I help you?"

I leaned against the counter. "A pregnancy test, please."

She walked to a wide closet behind her and stooped. "Do you have any preference?"

"The most trusted, please."

''Then I recommend the Clearblue Digital Pregnancy Test. It's ninety-nine percent trustworthy." She held the blue suit in front of me. "The Smart Dual Sensor not only tells you in text whether you are pregnant or not, but also indicates - if the result is positive - how many weeks you are pregnant and also contains two tests in a package."

"Can I have it?" I rummaged in my bag and pulled out a twenty euros bill.

She scanned the barcode on the package and slid it over to me. "Fifteen euros ninety, please."

I put the twenty euro note on the counter, put the package in my bag and walked to the doors.

"Ma'am!" I turned around confused. "Your change."

I gave her smile. "You can have it." Without waiting for an answer, I sped home.

~

When I got home, I walked straight into the toilet and unpacked the test.

I took a plastic cup out of the cupboard and did my thing.

Uncomfortably, I put the cup of urine on the floor and held the absorbent end of the test down -into the urine- for twenty seconds.

Once twenty was reached, I put the cap back on the end of the test and put it
pregnancy test flat on the floor as i waited for the result.

One minute.

I took the time to wash my hands.

Two minutes.

I stared at the tiles on the walls.

Three minutes.

I tapped my nails nervously on the stone floor.

Just to be sure, I waited an extra minute and then lifted the test from the cup.

Holding my breath, I turned the test toward me and stared at the small screen.

Not pregnant

I sighed out my bated breath. I'm sorry, Imran.
----

As the memory faded from my mind, I was struck by a sickening emptiness. It nearly buried me under its suffocating weight.

I wish we loved each other like we used to. I wanted to be happy. Is that such a difficult request? When did happiness become such a foreign concept to me?

"Mommy," Ela whispered under her breath as she pressed her body against me.

I let out a sigh and put my arm around her. "I'm here, honey." I lifted the blanket over her shoulders and saw her eyes close.

I pressed my lips to her forehead and stared at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to take over.

~

I held a spoon in front of Ela's mouth as she watched the TV. "Open your mouth, Ela," I muttered to get her attention.

She opened her little mouth without taking her eyes off the TV and I put the spoonful of cereal in her mouth.

"Zara." Esma stood in front of the table with an open envelope in her hands. She sounded nervous.

I lowered my hand with the spoon and looked up confused. "What is going on?" I asked as soon as I saw her concerned look.

Esma carefully pushed the envelope toward me.

I took the white envelope from the table and took out the letter. My hands were shaking as I read the words. My breath caught in my throat and my eyes started to water.

Imran had filed a lawsuit seeking full custody of the baby.

"Esma." My eyes drifted to her hazel eyes. "He wants to take my baby from me."

She looked at me sadly as she held my hand for comfort. "I'm so sorry."