What I Never Knew I Needed

Ch. 5 - Mr. Loverman

Mr. Loverman - Ricky Montgomery

"I'm Mr. Loverman. Oh, and I miss my lover. The ways in which you talk to me. Have me wishin' I were gone"

--

"Say it with your fucking chest, Kevin"

He looked up with a half guilty, half angry expression.

"Ever since you told me about your sexuality I've felt like you're going to leave me for a woman."

Where the fuck is this coming from? All my tears immediately dried up because I was pissed. And let me tell you, not once has that ever crossed my mind because I was married to HIM and I was loyal to HIM. Sure I notice beautiful women when they walk by, I mean who doesn't, but I would never step out on him. This insecure piece of shit.

"Do you know how crazy you sound right now?! I told you I was bisexual because you are the one person I want to tell everything to. I didn't want there to be any secrets between us. And I confided that information to you two fucking years ago, Kev. That also tells me you've been sitting on that information for a long time, too! I also told you that night that it didn't change anything and you were the one I loved. Don't you remember?! And I was crying my eyes out when I told you because I was afraid you would reject me! Kind of like it feels now." I half shouted at him because I literally could not believe the words that just came out of his mouth. I told him that because I thought I could tell him anything. I am not responsible for his insecurities and I'm sure as hell not going to let him make me think I am.

"I know I should've said something a lot sooner, but how could I not worry, Y/N? You're beautiful and you pull a lot of attention from both genders. That's a lot of competition."

"One, I don't pull a lot of attention, you're just trying to make yourself sound better. Second, there is no fucking competition because I fucking married you, Kevin! There is no stronger commitment! What else do you want me to do?!"

Kevin let out a huge sigh "Y/N, one day you will realize how beautiful you truly are. All of your celebrity crushes are women, you constantly talk about them, so yeah it makes me feel like I can't live up to them."

"Kevin..." I start slowly because I really don't want to lose my mind but this block head is making it very hard. I take a deep breath and as calmly as I can, I say "They are celebrities. The odds I ever meet one are slim to none. You have celebrity crushes too but I'm not constantly comparing myself to them. This goes both ways."

He pauses and looks at me again "There is one thing you can do to make me feel better."

"What?"

I can't wait to hear this.

"Take it back. Say you're not bi."

Uh, come again?

I know this bitch is fucking lying. He's lost every brain cell in his damn male mind. It's absurd. Actually it's so absurd that I burst out laughing and have to take a second to calm myself down. I wipe the tear that spilled from my eye from laughing so hard and look him dead in the eyes.

"You're kidding right? You want me to deny a part of myself and lie to you just so that you feel better about yourself? That's not going to fucking happen and honestly, Kev, I thought you were better than that. I have told you from the beginning that I wanted you and that wasn't going to change. But I am not changing who I am just to make you feel bigger and as much as you think it does, your happiness does not rest on my shoulders."

Kevin stayed silent for a while. We both did actually. I didn't know what to say but I know I wasn't taking shit back or apologizing for wanting kids.

"So what do we do?" He says quietly.

"I don't know. These are some major topics that just got brought up and we came up with literally no solutions. I am not changing who I am or what I want out of life for anyone, not even you. So if we can come to some sort of solution, I don't know how much longer this marriage is going to work."

I drain the rest of my whiskey, get up from the bar stool and place the glass in the sink.

"All I know is I am going to sleep now because this wonderful day has turned into utter bullshit and I'm tired. Feel free to take the couch tonight."

I turned around, leaving him in the kitchen, not bothering to hear anything else he had to say.

When I got to the bedroom, I grabbed my phone and texted my best friend.

                            Me: Please cancel any plans you have for tomorrow                                 night, if you can. We're going out and getting drunk.

I went to the bathroom and took my make-up off and washed my face. When I pulled the wash-cloth away from my face, I caught my own gaze in the mirror and let out a deep sigh. I rested my hands on either side of the sink and kept staring at myself. 'What the fuck just happened' I thought. Sighing again, I hung the wash-cloth back on the rack and went back to the room. I changed into one of Kevin's big t-shirts and just underwear but it didn't feel right. That is what I wore to bed every night. His clothes always gave me comfort but now, the shirt felt scratchy and uncomfortable and... wrong. When I realized this, tears invaded my eyes once again but this time I couldn't stop them. I took the shirt off, and threw it across the room in anger and grabbed one of my own band t-shirts. I threw myself on my side of the bed and looked over to where Kevin usually lays. The bed feels too fucking big and it makes the sobs keep on coming. However, even though I feel completely heartbroken and shattered beyond repair, if he steps foot in this room tonight, I will lose it.

I roll over to plug my phone in to charge for the night when it pings with a text.

Tay Bae-Bae: What did he fucking do?!

I let out a small chuckle through the sobs as I started to type a reply. That's my fucking girl, man.

                        Me: 'll tell you tomorrow. Just don't make any plans please. Love you.

Tay Bae-Bae: Okay, you got it. Love you too.

Her loyalty and willingness to drop everything for me made me smile. I put the phone down, curled into the sheets, pulled the comforter up to my chin and cried myself to sleep.

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A/N: Hope you're enjoying this so far!

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