Nothing like him

Part 12

That evening I went to a cafe near my house to try and get some work done on my story. I liked going there, watching the people all come together from different lives. Seeing all these people, so kind, so gentle with each other. Faces full of smiles and an overall happy energy throughout the whole cafe. I found a table to sit at and set up my laptop, notebooks and pens. I got ready to try and write some ideas before I got distracted by a couple sitting across from me.
He talked her ear off, his mouth never stopped and had no intention to. He used one hand to make gestures and the other to hold her hand. He looked as if he was reliving a moment in his life he really enjoyed. He looked happy. Happy to be here with her and sharing his story. And then I looked at her.
Her soft smile, crooked because of her cheek resting on her hand. Her eyes locked on him, gazing at the man whose hand she was griping. She had that face that was looking at him but not hearing what he was saying, the way she tilted her head made it seem like she never wanted to let go of him. To never lose him. She's happy she's here, with him. Watching and gazing at his every move. She was happy. He was happy and I watched as they sat, Happy together. I hope their story never ends.

Once I finally get into my writing I can't stop. My fingers dance along the keyboard like one of those dancing games in arcades where you have to step on the arrows according to the screen. I barely notice anyone around me. It's just me, my laptop and this story I'm writing. I'm in a trance where I can't stop writing. One word after the other.
And then the trance stops and I'm drawing a blank. The impatient line flashes on my screen, begging me to add more but I have nothing. I look up at what caused me to fall out of my amazing rhythm, to see Dean.
Dean has a face That looks sorry, but also has a slight smile in the corner of his mouth. His head was tilted a bit as he looked right at me.
"Can I help you?" I said as I tried to type more, but It was gone. I had nothing.
"Let's go for a walk," he said.
"I'm working on my story," I said.
"I didn't ask. Let's go for a walk, come on" he said as he nodded his head towards the door. I packed my stuff back in my tote bag and followed him outside.
The walk was silent as we walked up the street. I assumed we both knew about the break up, we both knew that Elaina knew about the fact he and I are talking again. We both have no words. Dean led the way and I followed, I knew where he was taking me the second we walked towards the park.
When Dean and I first started dating he had taken me to this small pond that he found while going on a trail walk. He took me there on one of our first dates. This is where I like to come and think, he'd say. It's my spot, because I don't have a place where I can just be me, this is my place. He felt comfortable here.
We entered the trail and walked, listening to the gravel crunch under our feet. Dean walked faster so he was a little bit ahead of me. Once we found the pond he sat on the bench and took a deep breath. I sat next to him and looked up at the beautiful night sky. It made sense why the dean liked it here. It felt safe, I felt safe. The stars and moon looked down on me while Dean sat to my left on this wooden bench by the pond. 
I looked over at him and watched as he fiddled with his fingers in his lap.
"Elaina talked to me, yelled at me" he laughed a bit. He finally looked at me and our eyes met. "You really broke up with him?" he asked, his voice soft and delicate.
I nod.
"Did you do it because of me?" He looked genuinely concerned.
"No dean, he wasn't treating me well and I had enough of it" I said.
Dean nodded as he looked back in his lap. "So" he said. I knew what he wanted to ask because I wanted to ask it too. Are we going to be together now? But I don't know the answer to it. Elaina would be mad. I'd feel like shit because I just broke up with Bryan. I had no answers, not only for him, but for myself too.
"Can we just drop that topic for the night? I don't know the answers for what happens next and I would rather not dig deep to think about it". I watched the pond as a duck swam slowly and peacefully across the water.
Dean turned his body towards me. "Do you ever still think about your parents?" he asked. I do think about them all the time, but it's not always them. My parents were workaholics who only acted as parents to me when I got in trouble. The parents I think about are the parents that are good to me. The dad that teached me to ride my bike and drive and jokingly interrogates my boyfriend just to piss me off. And the mom who'd teach me to cook and bake, and listen to my boy problems and rants when I needed it.
"I think about the childhood I had compared to one I wish I'd had" I say, still eyeing the duck in the pond. "Growing up they were there but not there, I was usually on my own. I remember going to the park in the neighborhood because the house was too big when I was home alone. I'd watch the families in the park, the parents giving their kids proper attention. That was all I wanted from them, attention."
Dean nodded his head and looked at me. "You have the right to have that resentment, you know?"
His words sent chills down my back. "What made you say that?" I said as I looked at him.
"I remember when we dated before, you would tell me how you always felt bad hating them so you forced yourself to love them because they were your parents. I didn't realize how messed up it was then, and when I did realize it I just wanted you to know", he paused and looked in my eyes. "It's not your fault that you hated your parents, they never tried to make you like them. Mia, it's ok to resent them" he said as he brushed my bangs out of my face and behind my ear, only for them to slightly fall back towards my face.
I felt my eyes water, a slight smile formed on my face. His words were the reassurance that I needed, It felt warm to hear them. I looked down in my lap then back out to the pond, trying so hard to not let a tear fall.
"I wanted to go back to the house, find some things that I hid in there. But I'm too scared to go alone" I said.
Dean stood up from the bench and put his hand out for mine. "Let's go," he said with a smile.
"You want to go to the big scary house" I said with a small giggle.
"It might be scary for you but I can be your knight in shining armor, come on" he said impatiently.
"But we're looking at the ducks," I said as I smiled into his eyes.
"I'm not asking Mariana" he smiled then grabbed my hand. I stood up and we walked our way back to Dean's car and headed to the big scary house.