Nothing like him

Part 39

Dean's POV:
    I remember the feeling I got while laying on the machine that was going to scan my body for any infection or illness inside of me. The CT scan. I was told to stay still but  my hands could not stop fidgeting and I was tempted to just get up and walk out. The machine slowly pushed me in and I hoped it would push me in and take me right out. It didn't. The machine stopped and I layed there for what felt like an hour but was actually only 2 minutes. My heart beat racing with nerves flowing through my body, I can't take this anticipation any longer.
"They found something," I whispered to myself. "It's not good" I added.
After they pulled me out of the machine they left me to get changed back into my clothes and meet me in some office. I sat anxiously in the chair, scratching the leather because the feeling of my fingernails over the stitching on the leather soothed me. I wished I was a kid again so I could bury myself in my mom's arms and cry. But I was a grown man, and my mom wasn't here. I was doing this on my own.
"Dean, we found that part of your lung has been infected with cancer." The words hit my ears like a loud horn of a semi truck. And once the word hit my brain the semi truck crashed as well. Their words after that were blurred, I couldn't think. I have cancer was the only thing in my mind.
My dad came to pick me up that day, doctors said it was best I don't drive since I was in such a shock. The drive home was silent, the radio off and I couldn't speak.
Hiding it from Mariana was the only way I could cope with it. What she doesn't know can't hurt her right? She saw me, sick. Blood coming out of my mouth, me caughing hysterically and then rushed to the hospital. She didn't leave my side from that moment on, she dropped everything for me. Coming to my appointments, staying with me every night, even helped distract me a couple times. I loved her more for that, I just didn't know how to show it. I felt like my body was eating me alive and I couldn't do anything about it, but she was always there to help and give me hope.
I hated myself when I broke up with her. I did it because I was getting worse, I was dying and I didn't want her to love me as much as she did when my time was up. I had become her everything and I didn't want her to be so badly hurt when I was gone. Seeing her crying and upset once frank was gone broke me. Seeing her in that much pain made it harder for me to leave her.
As I got worse my love for her grew. I know that in order for my dying to be comfortable for the both of us I needed to show her that she can be comfortable without me. Marcus came along and I knew it was meant to be. Marcus was her highschool lover and now he is back- a typical love story. I want Mariana to know it was ok to move on. I wanted to make sure she was in good hands when I was gone. So that day when we all went for dinner and I saw Marcus's hands on Mariana, and their eyes locked and a smile on both of their faces, I knew this was that guy.
Mariana got up and left for the bathroom after I had paid for our meal. Now was a good time to have a talk with Marcus.
"Hey Marcus man, I kind of wanted to talk to you about something" I started. He looked at me.
"What's up?" he said with a smile.
"You like her don't you?" I smiled. He nodded with a smile. "I know, I do too. That's why I want you to date her, marrying her would be better." I said.
"I don't think I'm catching on," he said with confusion.
"I'm sure you can see that I am clearly sick. Hence the bald head and oxygen tank. I'm not gonna be around that long. Mariana is a sweet girl and she deserves the best. She already trusts you from your past with her so I think if you like her that much you should go for her. I love her, Marcus. And I want to know that she'll be in great hands when I'm gone" I said, taking a sip from my drink. He looked down.
"Feel a little shitty taking on that responsibility" he said.
"Are you a good guy?" my intimidating voce may have peeked out. He nodded. "You like her a lot?" he nodded again. "Date her man. Please do it for me. Love her, care for her and show her that she is worth it, for me at least" I smiled a bit. He nodded and looked as if he was thinking about it. Mariana came back.
"Ready to go?" she said cheerfully.
That day seeing her and Marcus kissing showed me that Even though Mariana will always be my girl, she was no longer my girl.

I got worse and worse. Mariana came to me everyday to tell me about something new. It was mostly about her book. One day it was that she had finished another chapter, another day, she finished the book. And another day she told me she met with Frank's daughter about getting her book published. I was happy for her, if only my clock wasn't ticking and I wasn't getting worse and worse everyday. Elaina spent more time in my room with me than she did anywhere else.
I had a wave of guilt every time my family was in my room. They'd all pile on my bed to hang out with me. I felt bad that I'd be leaving all of them. I would die before my mom could be a grandmother, my dad would never see me become a father just like him and Elaina will never be an aunt.
Mariana came in one day to watch a movie with me, she'd brought snacks and fruit punch and planned a twilight marathon with me. I watched her most of the time. Her beautiful long, dark blond, silky hair. Her hazel eyes look green sometimes and brown at others. Her nose that curved up perfectly and her soft lips that she was usually chewing on these days. She caught me looking at her and I smiled as her eyes met mine.
"Can I help you Dean Jackson?" She smiled at me.
"No. I just like the view" I giggled. I watched as her eyes flicked to my lips and back to my eyes. She smiled and faded as she moved closer to me. I didn't stop her. She placed her warm hands on my cheek and my eyes closed as her lips touched mine. I slid my arms around her waist and pulled her closer, our bodies pressed against each other and the familiar feeling made me feel at home. Her hands moved down my chest and under my shirt and she pulled it off of me. We laughed as my shirt got tangled in my oxygen tubes. I pulled the tubes off and she looked at me.
"Are you allowed to do that?" she asked.
"I can breathe fine without it." her face looked more concerned. "If I need it I can put it back on" I said to reassure her. She smiled and her lips were on mine once again. She moved on top of me once she slid her pants off and started taking mine off too. She moved her hips on my waist and moaned in my mouth while she made out with me. I loved this feeling. The passion and love that always managed to fill the air anytime I was with her.
Sat up tall and slowly put me inside of her, gasping at the feeling of my entrance. I smiled and tilted my head up, closing my eyes as she moved faster. It's been too long since I've been able to enjoy this feeling. She moved her hips and seeing the pleasure on her face made me feel good that I could still please her. Her body was perfect in the way it looked and the way it moved. The sound of her moaning into my ears and her touch was everything I craved.
A part of me felt bad for finishing earlier than I had before but the other part of me didn't care all that much because there was no way I was going to hold it in any longer. once I finished and she layed on my chest listening to my heart beat for a while after. I ran my fingers through her hair as she drew circles on my chest using her finger.
"I'm going to miss you Dean" she said in a whispered tone. Her voice was shaky and I knew she was holding back tears.
"I know you will" I said with a smile even though my tears were going to fall from my eyes any second now.
I loved her, and I wanted all the best for her. Even if I couldn't be the one to provide it.
I'm in love with you Mariana, and I am proud that even when I'm gone your success will still continue.