Nothing like him

Part 33

    We arrived back in New York early in the morning. Dean and I stayed at my house for the remainder of the night and decided that we will go back to Dean's house tomorrow. His coughing episodes shortened and he was very quiet. I kept checking to make sure he was breathing throughout the night because of how quiet he was. I could barely sleep that night. My mind was filled with stress and anxiety and questions, so many questions. Why did Dean not tell me about his missed appointment? Why did he have that star conversation with me last night? How could I trust that he will take care of himself from now on? The questions never stopped.
The next day I decided to take Dean to the hospital to make sure everything was decent with his lungs. If all the coughing from the trip did anymore damage or if his cancer was spreading more.
"We don't have to go to the hospital. I'm fine. How far have you gotten in your book?" Dean said, trying to shut the conversation down.
"Not any farther than when I last told you but that doesn't matter. I'm taking you to the hospital because who knows, it could have gotten worse" I argued back.
"It didn't because I'm fine" he put his hood on and leaned back into the couch. I walked over and sat next to him, looking at him with a concerned expression.
"Dean. Do you want to die?" I didn't want to ask this question. Dean hesitated and my heart shifted. The clock was ticking and he hadn't answered or even made eye contact with me. Time kept going and I thought I had my answer but I didn't want to believe it. Tears threatened to pour out of my eyes but I tried to keep them back. "Dean?" I said. My voice is shaky and cracking. Still nothing. I saw a tear fall from his eye and it broke me, the tears started to flood and I could no longer stop myself. I was sobbing into him. Curled up in a ball under his arm as he rubbed my back and cried.
"I'm sorry Mariana" he sobbed. "I really am" I shook my head and tried to catch my breath just enough to speak. I took a few deep breaths and wiped my face using the sleeve of my sweater.
"Dean, you need to be more concerned about this. You can fight it. You're tough, remember?" I tried to convince him. His eyes met mine. Tearfilled, dark brown, emotional sick, helpless eyes. I did my best at persuading him to go to the hospital until he was just over arguing and agreed with me anyways.
***
At the hospital,Dean and I impatiently waited in his room for his scans to come back. The hospital room was so dull it was almost as if it were meant to make you depressed. Dean looked impatient too, like he gained some interest in taking some care of his cancer. The door slowly opened and Dean and I both looked over in a flash to see Dean's parents and Elains walk in. Dean's mom, Chantel, ran over to Dean and gave him a hug. She tried not to let a tear fall, but I could tell she was upset. Elaina came over to me and sat across from me on the window ledge away from everyone. I zoned out at the parking lot below as water drops in the sky started to fall, making the windows wet on the outside.
"Did they say anything yet?" Elaina asked quietly as she looked at me concerned. I shook my head, my eyes not leaving the parking lot and the rain outside. "Was he ok in boston?" she asked again. I gulped before slowly shaking my head. I didn't want to look at her or her parents or Dean. Making eye contact with any person in this room would set me off and I'd break down. Elaina leaned back against the window and looked outside with me. "You are a good girlfriend Mia. You are doing everything you can" she said to try and cheer me up.
"I'm doing more than he is and he hates it" I said, my voice shaking. I decided it's best I don't speak otherwise tears will come out with sobs. 
"You are still trying. My parents love you for that" she scooted closer to me and forced me to look at her. "I love you for that too, and dean does too. You are doing a great Job mia" She forced a smile. I smiled and nodded. It was nice hearing someone call me Mia, but I wanted it to come from Dean's mouth. I wanted him to say it.
The doctor opened the door slowly while looking at a stack of papers and shaking his head. "We called doctor McKinsey in to come and talk to you about your scans. It is something she should be informing you on. She'll be in any minute now" he said before starting to walk out of the room.
"Is it bad?" Dean stopped him. "Is it worse than before?" He finished. Dean gulped, waiting for an answer.
"Your doctor will come in and tell you. I'm sorry but I cannot disclose any information until she is here" he said before walking out of the room. Dean dropped his head back into the pillows and his mom started silently sobbing. Sobs, sobs and more sobs.
***
I walked into the living room after hearing mom and Dad arguing to see dad standing over mom on the couch and grabbing her hands. Mom kicked and screamed for dad to get off but he wouldn't move. Tears streamed from mom's face as she tried to get dad off of her.
"Zayn," mom yelled. Zayn baby come help mommy" she screamed. Who was zayn? I thought. "Zayn, come yell at daddy, come help mommy" she screamed. Dda grabbed mom's arms and reached for her hands. Mom's grip tightened on something, something round but pointy. Dad reached higher and higher but mom kept fighting.
My curiosity grew as mom fought to keep the round pointy thing in her hands. Dad reached higher. "Give me the damn needle" he yelled in a grunt-like tone. Mom refused and kept fighting. A needle. Why did mommy have a needle?
Mom snaked through Dad's arm and ran away from him, dropping the needle without noticing. I picked it up and looked at it. It was sharp and filled with a liquid.
"No, no Mariana. Love, don't touch that." Dad said as he ran up to me taking the needle from his hand. He very rarely called me love, he only called me that when he was in a protective mode-like I said, very rarely. He took the needle from my hand and placed it in a baggy where another needle and a small jar-like container was. He closed the bag and placed it in the pocket inside of his jacket before sitting down on the floor with me.
"What was in that?" I asked, curled up in his chest, scared to move in case he would hurt me too.
"It's a very dangerous thing that you are too young to know about. Mommy shouldn't even have it, that's why I got mad. I'm sorry about that,love" he kissed the top of my head then tightened his grip on me, pulling me closer into him. I could see the baggy peeking out of the inside pocket of his jacket and the tag on it that said HEROIN.
Dad took me upstairs to my room and tucked me in bed. Giving me a kiss on my forehead before shutting the lights off and leaving me in the darkness of my room.
***
"Okay Dean, we need to talk" Dr. McKinsey's voice woke me from my sleep. I sat up tall to pay attention. She looked over at me. "Listen Mariana, I understand how much you want to be here right now, but I can only speak about his medical conditions to family members," she said. My jaw slightly dropped.
"She is family though" Elaina stepped in with her attitude.
"I know, but legally I cannot disclose any information about his health" McKinsey responded.
"But I went to his appointments, I already know everything in detail. Why can't I stay here?" I asked. Dean looked away and did not help defend me at all.
"Mariana. The hospital rules are that we can't disclose information to anyone who isn't family. I'm sorry I know it's really stupid but i have to. I promise you that Dean and his family will fill you in" she walked over to me and held my hand while walking me out of the room. Me, in shock, just went with it. Once the door closed I was no longer able to hear inside the room. Stupid polymer door.
I slid my back down the wall of the hospital hallway and looked at the door intensely, waiting for it to open. Many people walked by but nobody noticed me. Nearly an hour went by before the door opened again and Dr.McKinsey left the room and walked down the hallway without noticing me. I stood up and slowly approached the room to hear cries and sniffled. My curiosity grew. What happened? Was Dean not going to survive? How long does he have? Seeing the tears made mine want to come out.
"What happened?" I mumbled. Dean looked up. His eyes red from Crying but his face looked in shock. I walked towards him, his mother and father moving out of the way for me to get closer to Dean. I reached for his hand but he pulled it away.
"Mariana" He started.
"Dean, call me Mia please, It scares me when you use my whole name" I said in a panicked tone. My voice was shaking and my mind was stressed. Dean shook his head. "Please just say it, call me Mia. Make me smile before you tell me the bad news" I was crying now. "Please dean" I said in almost a whisper. He shook his head again. Dean looked me in the eyes.
"Mariana. I'm breaking up with you"