Nothing like him

Pary 40- five months later

Mariana's POV:
I went to the bench, by the pond. Smelling in the beautiful fresh air. The ducks looked at me for food and waddled around on the gravel path in the middle of the forest-like part of this park. Sitting on this bench always gave me memories of Dean. I looked around and pictured him. Happy, energetic and badass Dean Jackson. I wished he was here to join me on this bench. But when I was here I felt close to him. I wanted to talk to him. Tell him about my day here in this spot. But he was not here.
Instead, I opened my journal and grabbed my favourite pen and began to write in my journal, once again.

Dear Dean.
I miss you. It's been two weeks since you left us and it's still hard on me, your parents and Elaina. Chris came over the other day to take some of your jackets that he seemed to love. Thankfully he left your sweaters for me and Sofia. I ended up choosing Sofia because of the way her name was picked (and because Charlotte Jackson didn't have a good enough ring to it). I promise that I'll make sure she knows about you. She'll have pictures of you in her room and I will tell her stories all the time just like you would. She will know her dad, I promise.
I spoke at your funeral, following the criteria of course. I remember reading my script over to you and you judging it like you were my teacher listening to my book report. I made people smile, and reminded them that you will always be here. I did everything you asked for. I hope you're proud of me. I know you're proud of me.
After your funeral your grandma Nora came up to me to talk to me.
"You did amazing, Mariana. Your speech warmed my heart. I'm going to tell you a little secret" she said as she moved closer and lowered her voice to a whisper. "I always wanted you and Dean to get married," she giggled. I smiled at her.
"I'm going to tell you a secret," I said and lowered my voice to a whisper. "I did to" we laughed together before she placed her hand gently on my belly to feel the baby. She looked into my eyes.
"You have another version of Dean Jackson. And I can babysit anytime" she smiled before pulling me into a hug. I forgot how much of a hugger grandma Nora was, but I didn't mind. I could use a hug right now.
Marcus was very helpful these days. He helped lots around the house and always checked in on me. I still want to know what you told him but Marcus won't spill it. He knows how to cook, clean and is very good with dogs. We still have the puppies at our house, Jack and Jill. I think we are going to adopt them, we both got way too attached.
The house is great. I still hate that you bought it for us, you never had to do that. Marcus paid for a lot of your funeral in return because he "felt bad to take a dying man's money". It is a perfect house though, away from the city so we have our own space.
I still go to our bench sometimes. I go there because it feels like I'm closer to you. I want Sofia to know about that bench too and if she wants I can take her there, for you.
I love you Dean, I really do. I miss your voice, your warmth, your eyes, your hair. I miss you. And I wish you never got cancer. Fuck that stupid cancer. I hate that cancer. It took you away from me. You made everything feel so easy. I feel bad for missing you this much because I know that Marcus knows I miss you. He knows I love you and I feel so guilty of that because he is trying his best. He isn't you, Dean. And I feel like that's why things feel off. Marcus is still trying though, and it's very sweet of him.
Thank you for preparing us for this. Planning your funeral, cleaning out your room, dealing with your dept. All so we wouldn't have to. Thank you for pushing me and Marcus together, so I wouldn't have to be alone through all this. Marcus is sweet and caring and I know he loves me. I love him too. I know you love him for me too. I miss you Dean Jackson. I miss you.
-Mariana Rosabel Sinclair
***

I checked the time and noticed that it was almost 2:00. I had been at this bench for almost an hour. I packed my stuff back in my bag and walked back towards my car. My phone rang and when I looked at the phone I smiled at the picture of Marcus smiling and holding an easter egg up. It was one of my many favourite pictures of him. I answered the phone and put it up to my year.
"Hey Marco, Just leaving the park," I said.
"Are you ready for this?" he asked. I could hear the excitement in his voice as he spoke. I loved how he remembers the things that were exciting to me and always matched my energy.
"I think so. I'm kind of nervous" I said.
"Don't be, You'll be fine. Call me after and let me know how it goes" I got in my car and hooked my phone up to the bluetooth.
"Will, do. The pregnant lady is about to drive now so I'll talk to you later" I giggled, I'm the pregnant lady. He giggled.
"Okay baby. I'll see you later. Good luck. I love you," he said.
"I love you too" I said before hanging up
I took a deep breath before driving to the restaurant where I was to meet my older brother Zayn. I've gotten in the habit of listening to Dean's music now. All his old man songs always played in the car when I was alone, Marcus didn't mind it but he preferred his music.
Once I got to the restaurant all the nerves hit me all at once. I was scared, what did I really know about this guy? My phone beeped and I looked to see a text from Marcus saying "you got this be brave be bold right?" he said. He knew me too well. Nerves still ran through my body. So I dialled the number of the voice that always helped. It rang a couple times before it went to voicemail.
"Hey, you've reached Dean, sorry if i missed your call, I am probably busy or i just didn't want to talk to you, the choice is yours. I'll call you if I want. Byeee''. He didn't change it, it was perfect. My nerves calmed instantly after hearing the deep sound of his voice. The baby kicked at the sound of her fathers voice. I loved how even if Dean's not here I will always have a piece of him with me. I was carrying it and growing it inside my body right now. I built up the courage to go inside the restaurant and find my brother. I referred back to the picture of his instagram account while in search of him.
"Mariana?" I heard my name and I knew it was him. I looked over to see a tall dark haired man that almost looked exactly like my father. It was kind of scary. He went in for a hug so I went for it. He stepped back to look at me better. "You look like my mom," he laughed a bit.
"You look like my dad," I laughed. He pulled out a seat for me, he seemed excited to meet me. He looked at me like he was soaking up the past 25 years of my life. He told me about his story.
"I remember walking home when I was too young and the cops thought I ran away from home. They picked me up and I was too scared to speak. I ended up in foster care for two years before I was adopted and the family was so nice and sweet." He said. I smiled, I was happy that he was able to grow up in a nice, safe home. We sat at the restaurant and talked and laughed and caught up for hours before the buzz of my phone caught my attention.
"Who's that?" he asked.
"My publisher" I said with a smile forming on my face as I read her text.
"Publisher? You published a book?" he asked in a shocked tone. I pulled out a copy from my bag and handed it to him.
"Almost 400 copies sold, that's why my publisher is texting me." I smiled.
"Wow, congratulations" he smiled. "What was the inspiration?"
"A guy I loved" I smiled as an image of Dean popped into my head. The moment of him explaining the idea to me replayed and I smiled bigger. I cannot lie, I missed him a lot.
"Nothing like him" Zayn read the cover while treating the book with such delicacy. "What's it about?" He looked up at me.
Where do I even start?