An Each Year With Yuki (English)

CHAPTER 13

Yuki actually took me around and even the man stopped by at the supermarket to buy ice cream and some snacks for us. After more than an hour of wandering aimlessly, Yuki stopped the car at one of the mountains where we could see the night view of the city even though we were in the car. Several other cars were also parked to watch the beautiful city of Tokyo at night. Fortunately, Yuki's car window is not see-through.

I've been busy eating my snack while holding back from asking first because I realized Yuki's mood seemed to suddenly change.

"Aren't you afraid of getting fat to eat snacks at night?" he finally opened the topic of conversation after being silent for 10 minutes looking at the night city.

"I only regret if the food that has been purchased is not spent"

Yuki chuckled "You are quite unique" he said.

I don't know if it's a compliment or an insult, I choose to remain silent.

"I still remember our meeting yesterday after months of not seeing each other," he continued.

"Why?"

"Because you're so cute and you look sad at the same time. I just didn't expect to see you crying but didn't stop eating," he explained.

I bit my lip feeling so embarrassed when the guy started to offend me even though at first I thought I was fine showing myself as I am "So you were surprised when you saw me this morning too?"

Yuki laughed while nodding.

"Stop laughing" I said embarrassed but the man still laughed.

I was silent for a moment "So, what I expected of me didn't match the reality you saw?"

Finally the man stopped laughing and shook his head "I have no problem with that" the answer made me turn to look at him with confusion "Okay, I'll tell you as clearly as possible" he continued and looked down. His voice became quite low.

The man turned a little quiet when he wanted to say something. I know he's an introvert guy, I read a lot of facts about him on the internet, I know he's not very good at expressing things, but... somehow I feel anxious tonight he's pushing himself too much and it's because of me.

"I like you, really like you" he said but he didn't dare look at my face. He just looked down. His jaw shape is very typical of Japanese people but with seductive undercut hair, he really said that "But I feel you are always trying to divert my feelings, hasn't it been more than a year we have known each other, why are you still not giving me an answer?" he asked then finally see my face.

My face was already reddened looking at him who was serious. For a moment my mind was blank and confused about how I should put my words together to answer it.

"It's not that I don't like you, but I don't think I'm ready yet," I answered, trying to speak without offending him. "This is all for the good of both of us. I'm still not very confident to be a partner of Yuki Ishikawa and you know that I just want to start a serious relationship until marriage? But you... I know your career is still very long. Japan expects a lot from you, I know a lot is hanging on to you because of them and I know how talented you are. Your career is still very long Yuki and I think you have to stay focused" I continued and it was my turn to look down not daring to look at him.

For a while Yuki was silent hearing my answer "So because there are so many burdens on my shoulders, I want someone to share my joys and sorrows with" he said softly.

Hearing his words made me start to feel guilty but I still didn't have the courage to accept it. I'm still not ready to be the subject of people's gossip and still afraid that I'm not as good as Yuki thinks. I just turned 22 and Yuki is 23, I think we are still young and need to learn a lot of things.

"Are... you okay if someone replaces you?" he asked.

The question really made my heart skip a beat, of course I wanted to answer I didn't want to. But I would be a selfish person if I did that. This is all my fault.

"If you find someone better than me, I don't mind," I replied smiling. My smile is really fake. Woah, I'm good at hiding my feelings this time.

The man looked at me without smiling. There was disappointment in his eyes looking at me. We were silent a thousand languages ​​until finally Yuki took me back home. Why did everything that I initially felt was going smoothly suddenly crumble in the end? I thought my long pleasant chat with Yuki would build our closeness, but I realized that everything was ruined because of my self-doubt and my selfishness.

-TO BE CONTINUE-