SEX IS MORE THAN AN ACT OF PLEASURE,
it's the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can't take it. And at this moment you're a part of them.
THOM YORK
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The small amount of sun that showed through the single window warmed my face with its soft golden hues, but it wasn't the sun's warmth that I'd found my comfort and peace in. It was the owner of the strong, lengthy arms that were woven around my waist protectively, holding me flush against his chest as if he too found that warmth in me as I did him. As I continued to succumb to the sun's natural alarm I realized that I'd never felt more at peace, safe. He was safe. I needed more than just his presence at that moment, so I flipped over, careful not to disturb my still sleeping soldier. I watched him in silence as he slept, not yet wanting to leave the bubble that had been created. I could feel the slow, rhythmic rise and fall of his chest against mine. His face, so relaxed and peaceful, would occasionally erupt into a smile. In truth, this was the most domestic moment I'd been a part of in my whole life, and it was with him. James Buchanan Barnes was my home, my safety, and my life. I loved everything about him from the small amount of scruff on his cheeks due to his incoming beard, to the dimples that would form on the inner corners of his cheeks when he would truly smile. It was scary how much I'd repeat in your head how much he'd done for me without even realizing, psychotic maybe, and definitely repetitive, but it was all true. I smiled in that moment, truly and wholeheartedly smiled because this man had stolen my heart a thousand times over and would eventually be the death of me. Slowly, I brought a hand up to trace his chiseled jawline, trying to savor the moment. I never wanted to forget the comfort that coated me like a thick wool blanket, the feeling was almost overwhelming due to how foreign O was to this type of intimacy. The thought of last night's conversation weren't far away, drifting around as I continued to commit every single one of James's features to memory. I mulled over the conversation in my head trying to figure out the best and worst case scenario.
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"Who were they?" Steve questioned, looking between me and James.
"Their most elite death squad. More kills than anyone in HYDRA history." James responded, his face was serious as his arms wrapped themselves tightly, protectively around my waist, forcing my back flush against his chest.
"And that was before the serum," I added looking up at James and then back to Steve and Sam.
"They all turn out like you?" Sam questioned looking between the two of them.
"Worse," we both replied, James squeezing me into him every once and a while to make sure I was ok, but I was more nervous for him. I didn't have a whole lot of hands on work with the other soldiers, but he did, and it triggered him in so many different ways.
"The doctor, could he control them?" Steve asked, looking up towards James.
"Enough," James answered.
"Said he wanted to see an empire fall," Steve mumbled to himself.
"With these guys, he could do it. They speak 30 languages, can hide in plain sight, infiltrate, assassinate, and destabilize, They can take a whole country down in one night. You'd never see them coming." I grimaced, looking seriously between the men around me. Sam steps towards Steve, having a side conversation that I tried to tune out by turning to face James. I'd been apart of a lot during my Hydra days but James was the only soldier in the Winter Soldier program they were willing to sacrifice for the project. That was the only time we had ever been apart and while The Soldier went to supervise the new, unstable project while I was set on numerous assassination assignments. The days spent without James by my side were the darkest, the men having their way with me when off assignment, and the brutal murders I was forced to commit during assignments, I had no safe haven. Hell burning me on both sides, never a moment of sleep, always shaking, prepared for the next blow that would send me over the edge.
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A Troubled Mind
Fanfiction"She wore a troubled past like wings- she had been through hell, and though no one could see her demons, they could see the face that conquered them." -ATTICUS In which two souls find each other during trying times, they lean on each other for suppo...
