PTSD:
It's not the person refusing to let go of the past, but the past refusing to let go of the person. When we feel weak, we drop our heads on the shoulders of others.
UNKNOWN
I learned to appreciate the small moments of peace early on in life, especially since all I've ever known has been violence and abuse. But still, there was always a nagging in the back of my head preventing me from truly basking in the small liberty that is peace. Not even when I'm wrapped in the protective arms of my husband, it's always there, a slight buzz that could be easily overlooked. However, I could never bring myself to push the feeling away, no matter how much I tried, it was always there, warning me, preparing me for the worst. Now as I stared ahead, standing tall next to a man I'd only just met a few days ago, I could say with the utmost confidence that this is what the buzzing has been preparing me for. Steve was a strong, burly, man, but I could easily see every move he made from a mile away. He was just as predictable as he was reliable, and after hearing so many bits of Steve's recklessness in the heat of battle from James, I wasn't certain whether I wanted to trust my husband's life in his hands. He was the one thing that kept me going, and as much as James assured me he was going to do everything to protect us both, I couldn't shake the feeling. This was Steve's second family he was fighting against, he loved these people just as passionately as he did James. So, what continued to refuse to evade my rationale was the doubt that he would risk his family for his supposedly dead best friend and his wife, who was still a stranger to him.
The slight strut we had started in turned into a full-on jog as we made put way to the decoy ride. Several voices of strangers if just met less than an hour ago flooded through my ears confirming their positions, making it hard to think, much less block out the dread that started to seep through my pores like a virus. I could practically hear my husband and I's hushed conversation behind the safety of the car as people filed out of a large van.
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"Allison, I know this is hard, trust me I do. But I need you to try, this is our only shot at preventing the scientist from freeing the other soldiers," James pleaded softly, forcing me to look at him by hooking a finger under my chin.
"I don't like it, most of all I don't trust it," I replied, solemnly. I wanted to trust these people, if not for myself, for James, but K just couldn't stop the ever-growing static in the back of my skull, screaming at me this wasn't safe, that I should bolt while I still had the chance.
"I know, but you trust me, right?" He inquired, stepping into my space to hold my face in his hands, his thumb gently stroking my cheek.
"I do," I sighed, leaning into his scarred palm. I believed in James more than I did myself, but when it came to trusting others, I couldn't cross that bridge. There were too many unknowns here, too many uncertainties, and it made my skin itch.
"Then trust that I will do the right thing, for us," he whispered, pulling my face forward to connect our lips in a sweet, gentle, and loving kiss, one that said a thousand words he couldn't express for himself.
"Okay," I breathed, pulling away, and resting my forehead against his. We stayed like that for a moment, holding on to one another, preparing for the mental struggles we were about to endure alongside the physical. Keeping the soldiers at bay was hard enough without chaos erupting around us, we'd have to hope that didn't happen because if it did, I wasn't so sure I'd be able to hold her back. "You have my heart and soul," I whispered, holding up my ring, waiting for him to complete the other half of our goodbye.
"You're my forever and always," he smirked, lightly smacking his band against mine, allowing a small, satisfying 'clink' to be heard. I allowed myself to let go for a minute, in the arms of the man I loved. I smiled, and relaxed slightly, finding a newfound sense of hope from his presence, and faith that everything would be fine.
YOU ARE READING
A Troubled Mind
Fanfic"She wore a troubled past like wings- she had been through hell, and though no one could see her demons, they could see the face that conquered them." -ATTICUS In which two souls find each other during trying times, they lean on each other for suppo...
