Never again (Quinntana)

Chapter 54 - Following make up, make out

Santana felt Quinn reciprocate the kiss with a burning passion. And when they pulled back, breathless, Santana saw the fear in her friend's eyes. 

Her heart breaking into tiny, sharp pieces, Santana watched Quinn lift her head. 

She saw Quinn's lips mouthing: "I can't", the sound not quite reaching her ears.  

She watched Quinn leave running.

Santana gripped her shirt above her chest.

Lucy left me. She's leaving, again. She was there, and I kissed her. She was right there, and I scared her. What is she going to think of me? 

And why did I have to kiss her?

Santana clenched her fist, her fingernails digging into her palm.

She's never going to forget. Never going to forgive. 

Santana's legs took off on their own, starting a jog that her body knew she needed. 

She got home and showered mindlessly. Her brain was replaying the kiss on repeat, the endorphins mixing with her anxiety in an exhilarating, addictive way. 

Every time she thought of it, her chest constricted a little tighter, but she couldn't stop. That would be the last memory she'd probably have of Quinn and herself, together.

Loss and amazement overlapped, warm water ran down Santana's back, and she clawed the inside of her palm.

I know she kissed back. But she pulled away. She ran. Her family is religious, she won't-

She probably wouldn't want me even if she liked girls-

I insulted her, and I kissed her. And she kissed back.

But did she really?

Maybe she didn't. Maybe that was just a figment of my imagination. Maybe that's why she left.

What if she left for good? What if I never see her again? At that thought her chest constricted to the point that she had trouble breathing.

In. she thought. Out. In. Out. 

Her breathing settled and a memory overcame her.

Lucy was sitting on the stairs and Santana held her best friend's face into her palms, staring into her eyes as she helped her breathe. 

"You're going to be okay, Luce. You're going to be okay. Look at me. Look at me. That's it. Breathe in. Out. Breathe in again. Out. In. Out. In. Out."

Lucy's breathing settled, but Santana didn't let go of her friend's face. Their gazes stayed locked, neither of them daring to look away. On a whim, Lucy reached out and her right hand caressed Santana's cheek. Santana shivered. Lucy got closer and their lips hovered an inch from one another's. Until Santana closed the gap.

It lasted less than a second, and Santana let go of Lucy's face slowly, her eyes still watching her adoringly.

Lucy touched her lips, amazed. "A butterfly", she said. "Butterfly kiss."

Santana giggled and seized Lucy's hand. "You're beautiful, Luce. I-"

Lucy squeezed her hand a little tighter, and Santana stopped. 

Lucy smiled, pressing her lips against Santana's ear. "Me too", she whispered. 

***