Never again (Quinntana)

Chapter 56 - Growing up

That night with Brittany had shaken Santana to her very core. For whatever damage she allowed herself - sometimes forced herself - through, she couldn't accept, couldn't cope with it affecting Brittany too. Generous, supportive, selfless Brittany.

The week after, Santana came out at school. Brittany already knew, of course, and Santana wasn't one to make public announcements, but for the first time in forever, she allowed herself to shine through.

She participated in conversations with cheerleaders, laughed at their jokes, caught up on the gossip. She hadn't changed, but she wasn't pretending to be straight anymore.

She felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Like she could finally breathe again. Like she was somewhat normal.

She knew the girls were not homophobic. She'd had a fling with Tiffany, before everything began, and while she'd never mentioned it to anyone, she knew Tiffany had blabbered to at least a few of her friends. Nobody had reacted badly as the gossip spread to the rest of the group.

Somehow, despite Santana's rough attitude and apparent individualism, the cheerleaders trusted their captain. Loved their captain.

Santana had always had their backs. When the coach was being unfair, when they needed to skip classes and were punished for missing out with additional homework, when one of them had personal problems. Santana always stepped in.

Therefore, when the news of her fling with Tiffany had spilt, all Santana had received had been overwhelming support. She'd failed to see it at the time, too deep in the closet to own what she had done, too ashamed of herself to admit it had meant something.

And so she'd thrown Tiffany away after a while, discarded her and stopped answering her messages after she'd told her their thing would have to stop.

An apology was long overdue.

A week after her conversation with Brittany, Santana walked to Tiffany after training.

For once the captain was shy, timid, her shame catching up to her. "Tiffany?", she asked, hesitantly. "Can we talk?"

Tiffany nodded and tilted her chin towards the bleachers. The sun was still up, radiant, in the sky. The air was chilly and the girls both had their short outfits on, but neither worried about the cold, too anxious about what was to come.

Santana inhaled, looking at the side of Tiffany's face. "Tiffany- I'm sorry."

Tiffany frowned in surprise, turning to look Santana in the eyes. A cold breeze was blowing, and the chill was giving her goosebumps. She paid it no mind.

"You're apologizing? To me?"

Shame swelled up in Santana's chest as she realized how much she had hurt Tiffany. And how badly she had treated her that she wasn't even expecting an apology.

"Yes. I- the way I treated you- it wasn't right. I knew it then, and I know it now, but I thought that maybe- if I could treat you like a parenthesis, like something that had never happened, then maybe that part of me would disappear with you. Maybe ignoring you would erase what I was with you, what we were together. But- it didn't. And it wasn't fair on you. It wasn't fair on me. I'm sorry. For what it's worth- it will never happen again. I'll never put anyone through what I put you through. And if there's a way I can make it up to you, please. Tell me."

Santana held her breath in apprehension. Her eyes were studying the asphalt as she waited for Tiffany's well-deserved scathing response. Her skin was burning - she grabbed her metal necklace reflexively, the cold metal soothing against her clammy palm.

"It's okay, Santana." The blonde answered instead. "I knew this when I got with you. I knew that you weren't ready, I knew that it wasn't me you wanted. And yet I went for it, because I couldn't help myself. Then I got hurt, and I blamed you for it. I sent you countless messages, acted like a bitch to get you to notice me again. I'm the one who should apologize. So- I'm sorry, San. And if you need help, I can set you up for sure-" Tiffany wiggled her eyebrows.

Santana scoffed, then giggled as laughter bubbled up in her throat. Tiffany winked at her and joined her laugh. Overwhelming relief washed over Santana as they giggled like two children.

It's that easy? She mused. Maybe I have been missing out after all.