another pretty december | b.e

twenty eight

hi my angels, I hope you enjoy this update 😏

after my shower, I lay in bed, staring at my bag and contemplating opening the letter.

harry is in the shower so I have the perfect time to read it alone.

do I want to read it?

fuck it.

I climb out of bed and open my bag, getting the letter and sitting back on my bed, pulling the covers over my legs.

I pull out the notebook paper from the envelope and begin to read, taking in everything she put.

ember
i don't really think i'll have the confidence to say this to you in person.
i'm not very good at putting my feelings into words but i'm going to try for you because I need to apologise.
i'm sorry.
i'm a fucking idiot.
i'm sorry i dismissed you the moment we met.
i'm sorry i hid your bag the night of our first show because I was being childish.
i'm sorry i acted like i hated you because that is far from the truth.
i'm i stole your food and called you a bitch.
i'm sorry i laughed when you messed up your lines during sound check.
i'm sorry for making you drop your book in the bath.
i'm sorry for not explaining that I also wanted to cuddle you at night just because I just wanted to be close to you.
i'm sorry for being a bitch.
but what i'm mostly sorry for is the way i spoke to you last night.

i don't really have an excuse for you but i'll try and explain why i said what i said.
as you know, i grew up in the media. when being a 'celebrity', there is usually an ulterior motive to peoples intentions.
i've been surrounded by a lot of people in the past, who want me for fame, money or sex.
i had 'friends' who assaulted me even when i said no and 'friends' who didn't believe me when i told them about it.
sex is a big thing for me.
it's what men have always wanted from me.
because i've got big boobs and big lips and because i'm pretty, men want sex.

so whenever anyone makes it known that they want me, they usually want sex and not much else. and because of this, I find it hard to believe that anyone would want me for anything else.

which is why when you landed in la, I presumed you'd want to fuck.

i'm so sorry I made that presumption, I mean I don't really know what you actually want. I hope that this kinda explains why I did what I did, which really had nothing to do with you. I think it's because ive never really explained what I want, I never have.

although I don't really know what I want but what I do know is that I like you, a lot.

all I know is I want you.

I wanna kiss you again, I wanna cuddle you again and I wanna spend time without you  without being a bitch.

so im sorry, really fucking sorry.

-billie <3

oh billie.

why didn't you just talk to me?

if I'd have known this is why she texted me like that, I would've gone over and spoken this through with her.

yes im still mad as hell, but this explains it.

I feel so sorry for her.

finneas

what room is your sister in?

2104
Next door to us
So behave

🙄

☻ december