Aftermath

7

When Cal arrived back home after work the next day she didn't expect her mother to be there, she was supposed to be at work. But despite that being true, the first thing her ears picked up was the sound of her Harmony screeching at her from the living room.

"I was late again, because of you." She spat when she met her in the doorway. Briefly, Calpurnia felt hurt. Hurt that her mother could possess so much hatred for her over something she was affected by just as much. But mostly, she was tired of hearing her shit.

"I think at 47 you should be able to get yourself to work on time, without your daughter." She should've known to keep her mouth shut. Despite being on the quiet side, Cal had a habit of speaking up at the worst times. She had no time to react before the sting of her mother's hand bloomed across her cheek and eyelid. And, because Cal had no apparent regard for her safety or wellbeing, she looked her mother in the eyes and said.

"Feel better?" Harmony launched at Cal with murder in her eyes. She yanked her head back with a fistful of her hair. A whimper of pain escaped Cal's mouth as her neck was wrenched back at an odd angle and her ankle turned underneath her. Her mother was not prepared to counter the weight of Cal as she fell and Ms. McConnell teetered off balance too. Calpurnia's cheek smacked the trim around the doorway with a sickening thud. She gave no time for her mother to recover, and simply turned around and walked out of the house.

When she couldn't feel her fingers anymore, and the last bit of sunlight had left hours ago, Cal headed back in the direction of her house. She was confident her mother would either be at work, asleep, or too drunk to pay her any mind. What she didn't expect is her window to be locked. Hesitantly she eased the front door open to find her mother glaring at the door. There was a recognizable animosity behind her gaze. Harmony was in no mood to talk, and Cal weighed her options frozen in the doorway.

"Get the hell out of here" she snarled and for a moment Calpurnia remained still. Keenly aware of the raw hatred her mother possessed. It wasn't until the bottle smacked into the wall with an odd thunk, before shattering against the floor that Cal was able to turn around and leave again.

...

Cal banged on the door of Matthew's hotel room desperately. She hated her mother, she hated that she came here, she hated everything except the person she needed. The door flew open and Matthew's face changed in front of her from frustration to worry instantly. The moment she saw him, the tears fell silently.

Matthew gently helped her inside and tucked her against his chest and she continued to cry.

"Okay," he whispered, pulling her away from him and grabbing her face so he could examine it. She let out a hiss of pain when his fingers brushed over her cheek that was surely bruising. He snatched his hand away apologetically, and carefully looked over her face again.

"Was it Harmony?" Calpurnia froze at his question. She didn't know what his reaction would be, but she didn't want any trouble. She felt trapped. Guilty and trapped and like she would drown if she didn't keep treading water even though her body was giving out.

Matthew stiffened under her arms but his face stayed apologetic and soft for her. Cal felt the panic bubbling in her gut, white noise rising up, and her breathing becoming shallow and insufficient. She clenched her fists and squeezed shut her eyes so tightly that a dull ache formed in her head.

"Hey hey hey," Matthew soothed gently, sitting her down, she could barely hear his words over the pulsing in her ears. "It's me," he whispered, "it's Mattie. You're safe." She wanted to scream but she remained paralyzed. "I've got you," he said before he tucked her back into his chest rocking, ever so slightly, in an attempt to soothe her.

When the cacophony of white noise became too much to bear she let out a cry. Her breathing had escalated to hungry gasps as her body pleaded for air. Cal felt like she was on the precipice of ruin. Her mother's white knuckle grip on her life would be her devastation and she was powerless against it. When Calpurnia had no option but to succumb to the panic she closed her eyes tight and stopped trying to fight it off.

...

"Calpurnia," she heard Matthew mutter gently, "open your eyes, please." Every part of her body tingled with exhaustion. A small sigh was all she could do in response. "Come on, show me those pretty jades," he urged, smoothing her hair back from her face and tucking it behind her ear. She pressed her cheek into his chest, and winced at the pain that spread through her cheek, then pulled away a little and opened her eyes to look up at Matthew.

His face was soft, but there was no denying the worry that held his body in a vice-like grip. The only indicator was the wrinkle between his eyebrows as he looked her over. She absentmindedly reached a hand up and smoothed the lines with her fingers.

"You scared me." That was all he said pressing his cheek into her hand. She stayed there, stroking her thumb against his eyebrow, silently.

After what seemed like an eternity passed Calpurnia dropped her hand and sat upright. Her body was shaky, and her limbs were heavy but she still pulled herself up.

"Can I stay here tonight?" She hated herself. Matthew nodded. Cal offered a small smile and crawled up to the pillow and laid herself down. She had no idea what time it was, she didn't know what would happen after she went to sleep or when she woke up. But, she couldn't find it in herself to care.

Calpurnia listened as Matthew moved about the hotel room. He clicked on the TV and put a movie on for some background noise. He disappeared into the bathroom and she finally let herself relax a little when she heard the shower turn on.

She had just started falling asleep when Mattie got in bed. It was emotional warfare trying to figure out where the line was that couldn't be crossed. But for a moment, Cal couldn't care. There was nothing left in her to fight it. So she rolled over, nuzzled her head into the crook of his neck, and held onto a hand full of his shirt.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Mattie said gently. He curled up the arm she was laying on so that she was held against him protectively. She shook her head. Her heart split at the realization that she always ended up in the same position. A reminder of the bad. Tonight, it didn't matter if she hashed out the details of what happened. Nothing would change, and it's mostly Cal's fault. She had trouble letting go of things.

"She just can't love me." That was the last thing Cal said to him that night. They watched a few movies, Matthew talked to her off and on, trying to distract her, but eventually, Matthew fell asleep. Cal laid there unmoving, locked in Mattie's grasp as he slept. His breath was rhythmic and steady. Every once in a while, a sigh would slip from his slightly parted lips, or he would twitch. Cal tried to focus on all of these details, to keep herself grounded. But mostly, Cal spent the night laying there, unmoving, trying to piece herself back together well enough to get by. Tried to patch up the gaping hole left behind that got larger every time her mother looked at her with nothing but hatred burning in her eyes.

Mattie left two days later.