Aftermath

25

She woke in the early hours of the morning when it was still dark and quiet. She was cold, the shirt she wore had risen leaving her torso and legs exposed, and she had managed to kick off the covers in her slumber. Cal slid her hand out to feel for Matthew, but he wasn't there. The floor was cool against her feet as she padded out of his room into his living room.

The tv played softly, casting a glow on the couch. His head bent back to rest against the wall, softly snoring. She crawled onto the cushion next to him, gently taking his face between her hands. She kissed his cheek, then his mouth. He didn't stir, so she kissed him again.

"Matthew," he inhaled quickly, shooting his head up. "Shh, it's me." she rubbed her thumb on his cheek. He looked at her with tired eyes, and she pulled her hand from his cheek to grab his hand. "Come back to bed, Mattie." He nodded his head and stood up after her to go to bed again.

...

"Your hair is crazy" she whispered, ruffling a hand through his bedhead as he grabbed his coffee from her hands carefully. His laptop perched in his lap, as he finished up some last-minute work things.

"You should see yours," he scoffed, ruffling hers. Calpurnia let out a laugh when he knocked her over. He sipped his coffee beside her.

Their flight back to the valley was that afternoon. Cal had woken up not even an hour after getting Matthew back in bed with a nagging feeling. She was trying not to let it bother her, but it was difficult to ignore the anxiousness turning her stomach sour. It had dawned on her as she lay there waiting for him to wake up, that she didn't know what to expect moving forward. Calpurnia had been living in a bubble since he came back, a bubble of blissful ignorance. Cal rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. She let the pads of her fingers press into the comforter one by one starting with her pinky and working her way to her thumbs. 

"We should leave soon," Matthew whispered against her cheek. He slipped an arm across her torso and pulled her into him. She wasn't sure how long she had been laying there. But it was enough time for him to finish and put away his work things beside her. Cal nodded her head slightly. "What's going on in here?" he asked, tapping his finger against her temple. She rolled over in his arms to kiss him softly but pulled away when he started to deepen the kiss.

"No time Mr. Moreno." she placed a chaste kiss on his lips one last time and added as she was rolling away from him and standing up from the bed, "we have a plane to catch."

Most of the plane ride was silent between them. Worry had taken a vice-like grip on Cal's stomach and Matthew seemed to have some things on his mind as well. Neither of them pushed for an explanation. When they arrived back at Calpurnia's apartment they wordlessly readied for bed.

As the last of the toothpaste residue was rinsed down the sink he spoke up breaking the silence.

"We should talk.".

Both of them hesitated before Matthew nodded towards the door, gesturing for her to go out with him into the living room. She took a seat in the corner of the couch, seeking solace between the cushion and the armrest. Matthew sat next to her.

"What is it?" her voice was tight, which wouldn't go unnoticed by him. Matthew looked her face over before he spoke.

"Do you want me to get a hotel?" He paused but kept going after she remained silent. Cal could feel her muscles seizing up beneath her skin. He wanted to leave. She wasn't hearing him.

"I-" she tried to speak but her voice shook so much she stopped again. Her palms grew tingly as they scraped across her thighs. A sharp ringing took over her ears, and the tightness building in her throat became too suffocating to bear, she coughed in an attempt to relieve the pressure, but it did nothing. She wasn't aware that she had been shaking until she felt Matthew steady her hands in his. Her head felt as if she were underwater. Mattie was surely trying to talk to her, but she couldn't hear. Desperate for a reprieve, she moved toward him, pulled her hands from his to grasp at his shirt, and draw closer to him.

Finally, she lifted her head above water.

Matthew cradled the back of her head, holding her to him. Her fingers twisted in the fabric of the back of his shirt.

"It's okay now," he whispered. When Cal lifted her head from his shoulder he pushed himself up from where he knelt on the floor in front of her and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

When they had settled in bed, and the only sound that filled the room was the hum of the heater, and the faint sound of cars driving past, Cal spoke.

"Do you want to be somewhere else?" Despite the effort, her voice caught at the end of the sentence, but she took a deep breath and waited for his reply. She sought comfort in his touch, the fingers that ran through her wavy hair, the hand that spread across the back of her thigh.

"No," he whispered, Cal smiled against his chest softly.

"I thought you wanted to leave."

"Of course, not Callie," He squeezed her tightly into him. "A lot of things are changing for you right now, and I don't want to push too hard."

"I don't want you to be anywhere else." She leaned up and kissed his chin. "Ever," she added tactfully pecking him again, this time on the mouth, hoping to lighten the mood. Matthew smirked.

"That, I think we could arrange." His lips met hers gently, but she returned the kiss fervently. He pulled away and pecked her nose, then her cheek before relaxing his head back down on the pillow. 

"Can I ask you something?"  

"Anything."  

"Why did your parents move?" she felt him tense beneath her. 

"I can't talk about them, not tonight." Calpurnia felt a tightness in her stomach. She didn't intend to upset him. Matthew's arms tightened around her. 

"I didn't mean to say the wrong thing..."

"You didn't." He assured her. "I just don't want to talk about them right now. Not when I'm here, with you like this. They don't get to taint everything, I get to keep the good." She wanted to pry. More than anything she wanted to. The words had stuck in her mind, echoing over each other until it became a jumbled mess of noise. These were things she had thought about her mother. Cal never imagined hearing Matthew say something like that about his parents.