Aftermath

20

The wind howled outside when Calpurnia woke up. Matthew slept beside her, snoring slightly. The blankets had been kicked off of most of his body, revealing his torso with his hand draped across his stomach. His other hand tucked behind his head. She stood and walked to the window to look outside. It was too dark to make anything out but she could hear the patter of the rain against the glass.

As quietly as possible, she crept over to Matthew's side of the bed to pull the blankets up over his body. Cal scooted back into bed under the covers next to him. She tucked her head under his arm and pressed her cheek into his chest, sliding her arm across his torso. He stirred in his sleep and pulled her elbow to wrap her arm tighter around him. She pressed a small kiss to his chest.

"What time is it?" he mumbled, still asleep.

"It's only two," she whispered after glancing at the clock, "go back to sleep." She knew he was still asleep because his response didn't come for a long time after she responded. But eventually, he moved his hand to the back of her thigh and hiked it up across his middle.

"You too." He whispered, gripping her thigh tight for a second before releasing his hold and letting his hand rest there. Cal let her arm slide up his body until her palm was against his cheek and aimlessly ran her thumb against his skin. After a few moments, he opened his eyes and looked down at her. "Can't sleep?" he questioned her. She shook her head no. Matthew rolled so he was laying on his side to face her.

"I can make some tea?" he offered but she shook her head.

"No no no no" she mumbled snuggling into him and letting out a deep sigh. "I don't want you to move. I want to stay right here." His fingers tickled her back lightly drawing scrolled patterns on her skin.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" She shook her head no. "Are you hungry?" no again. He thought for a moment before settling on asking, "What can I do?"

"You can go back to sleep" she whispered into his neck. But Mattie shook his head against her.

"Nope, not until you're ready too." Cal let out a gentle groan. "Hush" then, so softly his voice intermittently cut out, he hummed a song to her. She didn't know the song, she thought maybe it wasn't even a song at all and it was just something he was making up as he went. As he sang Matthew swept the hair from her shoulder away from her face and faintly skimmed his fingers over the skin of her arm.

"I love you." Matthew's humming had ceased long before, but his fingers still tickled her skin gently. She said it so quietly she was almost sure there was no way he could've heard the words, and doubted that he would've even felt them against his neck.

But, Matthew's limbs stiffened around Calpurnia.

"Say it again." The corners of her mouth twitched up and she pressed a kiss to where his jaw met his neck.

"I love you," she said, this time she pressed a kiss to his lips. He remained completely still for a moment. In truth, she was also surprised she had said it. Not that it wasn't the truth, but because the complexities of that truth were not something she had worked out yet. It felt irresponsible but honesty was the best thing to do for everyone, she thought.

"I love you," Cal whispered into the kiss. This time he responded immediately, snaking his hands around her waist. Matthew rolled so he was over her. He trailed from her lips to her cheek, then down her jaw. Calpurnia held him there by the fabric of his shirt. His hands on her waist beneath, her shirt, behind her head, everywhere. When he moved back to kiss her lips once more, he nipped her bottom lip.

Cal wanted him to be closer, needed it even. Her grip on his shirt loosened and she wrapped her arms around his waist and yanked so his torso rested on her. Then let her fingers roam across his back as they kissed. Matthew's hand moved up to her breast under her shirt, her breath caught and her back arched slightly. He let his thumb brush over her nipple ever so slightly as she pressed her thighs together in anticipation.

"God," Matthew groaned at her squirming. Calpurnia halted her movements and broke the kiss to pull his shirt off and nudge him onto his back. She straddled his waist and pressed a kiss to his neck then his sternum.

Her hand trailed from his chest down his abdomen and under the waistband of his pants. His breath shuddered when she cupped his erection over the fabric of his underwear and his hips jerked. With a sly smirk, she moved her hand up and down ever so slightly. He wrapped a hand at the base of her throat and pulled her back down to his lips. She attempted to slide her hand below his boxers but he grabbed her hand gently and held her still for a moment, before slipping their hands out from under the waistband of his pants.

"Easy," he said as he kissed her forehead and laid her back on the bed. 

Later, when Matthew laid down next to her, she tucked her head into him, caging her from everything around them. Calpurnia tried to stave off the emptiness that threatened to overtake her body by sheer will. But it still came, hollowing her out, until she was a shell laying beneath Matthew. In love to a degree, she didn't feel was healthy, to a degree that might engulf her entirely. Helpless to the power he had over her, fearful over what it meant to love each other but she could feel there was no going back this time. Matthew, as if he could sense her rising panic, rolled over and let her resituate so his chest pressed against her back. His beard tickled her cheek when he leaned his head in, to whisper to her.

"I love you, Callie." she squeezed the arm draped over her waist in reply and let her breathing settle into slow deep breaths. Tried to match Mathew's as he drifted to sleep holding her against him, but sleep didn't come. She spent the night with the sound of his steady breathing next to her, his arm heavy across her waist.