Aftermath

4

She could hear a muffled voice before she opened her eyes the next morning. Her brain was too foggy to make out what was being said, but she managed to work the sleep from her eyes as the phone call ended. Cal's head felt like someone was hammering an icepick into it. Gin.

She also noted that Mattie was still there; it was in fact, not a dream. He was still next to her on the bed, but he was sitting up against the headboard. Her head was against his thigh, his hand was barely brushing the skin of her ear, but his fingers were tangled in her waves.

"G'morning" she mumbled, stretching her stiff limbs and maneuvering so she could see his face. His expression was light, and happy, something she had missed seeing. He chuckled and gave her head a couple of pats.

"Morning," he said, finishing his assault on her sore head.

"What time is it?" She asked, returning her head to its original position and closing her eyes seeking reprieve from the pain.

"It's almost 6," he said through a yawn, "let's go back to sleep." She heard the soft thump of his head against the headboard. She rolled onto her side and curled an arm around his leg. She wondered who had called him so early, but he wasn't offering up the information so she decided she shouldn't pry. It dawned on her that she didn't know where she stood in Mattie's life anymore. Things had ended up so convoluted, and then he left. There were so many moving parts that she couldn't wrap her head around their connection anymore.

"As appealing as that sounds. I desperately need a shower, I feel grimy" she said, though her eyes were still closed. "I just need to get my stomach to stop turning and my head to chill out."

"I think sleep is what you need" he chuckled, scrubbing a hand over his face. His breathing slowed in the silence that followed. Cal found herself gently swirling patterns on his leg with her fingers while he slept. Hesitant to get up and disrupt his slumber, knowing there was no way to slip out without waking him considering his hand was tangled into her hair and stilled on top of her head. It was nice, she thought, to exist with Mattie in an environment where she didn't have to speak or think carefully.

Her mind wandered to her mom, she wondered if she had eaten dinner, or made it to work on time. Cal considered the fact that her mom would want to see Matthew once she found out he was here and realized how desperately she wanted to keep him to herself and away from her mother for as long as possible. Her mother had a way of tarnishing the good things in her life and Matthew needed to stay clean of her mother.

Eventually, she got up, and he slept through it shockingly and slipped into the shower. She examined herself when she finally left the spray of the water. Her face, despite having slept, looked desperate for rest. Her hair dribbled water droplets onto the tops of her shoulders and they trailed down her collarbones and in between her frugal breasts. Her gaze traveled down to her knees which were pinked and the flesh angry from scraping them the night before. She swiped the fog from the mirror to inspect her face more closely. A few blemishes had appeared in the night, and the spray of freckles across her nose was starting to fade as the cooler weather rode in. Her skin was red from the heat of the water and the extensive scrub-down she'd given herself.

When Cal felt she had scrutinized herself long enough, she started pulling on the clothes from the day before, taking care to turn her underwear inside out until she got home to get a new pair. She had barely pulled them up onto her hips when Mattie barged in with an exasperated look on his face. The minute he saw her his face softened and then realization dawned on him and he raised his eyebrows as if he too was shocked at his actions. A pink-tinged embarrassment flooded her cheeks at the realization that Mattie was seeing her in so little clothing.

"Sorry," he said without breaking eye contact, "I uh- I thought you left" was all he said before he, finally, whirled around and walked out the door. Calpurnia quickly dressed in the rest of her clothes before she walked back into the hotel room. Matthew was perched on the edge of the bed with a bewildered look on his face.

Cal opened her mouth to say something, but her mind was blank, so she closed it again and stood aloof outside the bathroom door. Finally, she decided someone had to break the silence so she took a tentative step toward him and simply said

"It's okay Matthew," he jerked his head as if he didn't expect her to still be there, "really, don't worry about it." She nodded as if to persuade him to believe her words. Finally, he looked into her eyes and she could see the pink tinge on the tops of his ears and cheeks. He was mortified. "Could I get a ride home?" she asked gently. He jumped up from his spot at the end of the bed.

"Yeah, sure thing" he exclaimed. He patted his pockets down and located his keys before gesturing to the door. "After you."

Tension died down in the car after the initial shock and awkwardness wore off. Calpurnia sat with her feet up on the seat, arms wrapped around her legs. She tucked her head against the back of the seat right next to the headrest to stare at the clouds and treetops through the sunroof as he drove.

How long will you be here? She so desperately wanted to ask him, but she couldn't bear the thought that his time would be short. She had learned long ago that it was better not to ask questions if you didn't think you'd like the answer. Cal felt a gentle nudge and blinked away the fog that had settled on her brain before looking over at Matthew.

"I asked what you were doing tonight," he said, not moving his eyes from the road. His nose was big, something she'd always loved about him. He used to keep his face clean-shaven, but now he had a beard, slightly unruly at the moment, but he hadn't had a chance to get ready before they left.

"Didn't have anything on the schedule." she watched the corner of his lip turn up slightly.

"Some of the crew found out I was here, they wanted to go grab drinks." It was an invite. But Cal thought she picked up on the tiniest inflection in his voice as if he was pleading with her to come. He added "not that I think I should encourage you to drink more," with a deviant chuckle.

"Yeah, okay." she agreed, placing her head back against the seat to look out the sunroof again. "I need to check on mom, and change and stuff. Send me the details and I can meet you?" she offered. Luckily Matthew didn't push it any further. They parted ways with goodbyes trailing off their lips and promises to see each other later that night.

Cal waved as Mattie drove off and headed for the door, stopping short with her hand touching the handle, to take in a deep breath and blow it out harshly.