Aftermath

12

Calpurnia pushed frantically through the people to get to the clearing. 'This can't be happening she chanted in her head as she ran.

    The crowd was dense, but no one moved. Everyone she pushed through stood silent, facing forward, stagnant. Finally, she shoved through the last of the people and dropped down to the person in front of her on the ground.

    "Why isn't anyone doing anything?" The words barely came out of her mouth, they were a whisper on her lips. She reached her hands out to touch the person, and they shook so hard she pulled them back quickly. Everyone around them just stared, no one was moving.

Their lips were blue and blood was pooling underneath them from somewhere. She couldn't tell where. Panicked, she whipped her head around begging someone to break from the crowd and help. No one moved. She bit the back of her hand to stave off a sob before turning around to look at the person before her again.

    "What happened?" This time they were loud and clear. But still, no one moved to acknowledge her. She looked back down and realized she recognized the face, the dark hair, the slope of the nose, it was Matthew.

    "Someone do something" she screamed, raking her hands down her thighs and finally grabbing his shoulders. He didn't even flinch. She took his face between her hands and shook him, begging him to wake up, to open his eyes, but there was nothing she could do.

...

    Calpurnia woke with a start, shooting straight up in bed, chest heaving as her lungs forced in air. Matthew was sleeping next to her, gentle snores filling the silence. She winced as she unclenched her fists, realizing her nails had left imprints in her palm, and tried to relax and slow her breathing before laying back down, but Cal kept seeing his lifeless face.

Quietly, she got up and walked to the kitchen, for a moment all she did was pace back and forth. But when that didn't work, she opened the cabinet and pulled out a glass.

    The sting of the gin helped bring Cal back to the present, but the dread that had settled in her bones wouldn't go away. She palmed the countertop and squeezed her eyes shut, but Matthews' pale greying face was all she could see.

    "Shit, shit, shit" she whispered, running her hands through her hair. She reached over to the bottle of gin and took a few more swallows. Cal felt the shaking in her hands subside as she scrubbed them up and down her thighs.

Cal could feel it building up in her. Setting all her nerve endings on fire, searing the edges of consciousness. At the precipice, everything is alive and hurts and it radiates through her stealing her breath while she waits for the pain to ebb. Then, just as suddenly as it begins, the cool relief washes over her. A blissful absence and emptiness. She felt all of it slip away, seeping out of her until there was nothing left and she was numb.

When she had calmed down enough to steady her breathing she walked back and got in bed, sitting with her back against the wall. She felt Matthew lay his open hand against her knee gripping it gently. Calpurnia laid a hand on top of his.

    "Everything okay?" Mattie murmured, his eyes still closed but his eyebrows knit together. His thumb brushed back and forth against the top of her knee soothingly. He was so beautiful she found herself trying to avoid looking at him. However, part of her, likely the gin-soaked parts, didn't want to push him away anymore. Instead of responding Cal slid back down and curled herself into his chest. His hand moved from her thigh to the small of her back, and he brought her in closer.

    "I am now" she whispered, but she wasn't. She was desperate for a distraction, she couldn't keep seeing his face like that. Tears pricked her eyes as Cal pressed her mouth against his neck. Willing the image of him, imprinted in her mind, to go away. She kissed the base of his throat, then the underside of his jaw. His hands slid to her waist as she leaned up and pushed his shoulder down. He was flat on his back and she was hovering over him. She roughly grabbed his face and brought her mouth to his.

Matthew moved his mouth against hers. Then, as if he realized he was making a mistake, he pulled back, pushing against her hips to create some distance. Red flushed Calpurnia's cheeks instantly, and she turned away. The room felt stifling.

    "Cal," Matthew said, grabbing her hand before she could get up, "look at me." She shook her head and sucked in a breath rapidly blinking away the tears so he wouldn't think she was crying. She tried to pull her hand away and get up again, but he wouldn't let go.

    "Callie," Matthew said, sitting up so he could pull her cheek to face him. She relented and he pressed a kiss to her cheek then turned her head to face him. "I don't want you to do something in the heat of the moment you can't take back." He whispered, rubbing his thumb along her bottom lip. She closed her eyes tight and nodded her head. His hand dropped away and Cal pressed her forehead into his chest.

    She didn't know what she was doing, it was unlike her to be so careless. One moment there was a hot, thick layer of tar suffocating her into submission, guilt brewing deep in her threatening to take her over at any point. The other, it didn't matter the repercussions she was giving in to the burning desire within her with no regard for her wellbeing or anyone else's.

...

The weight of her apron was increasingly present on her shoulders. Biting into the skin harshly as she mopped the floor of the coffee shop. She had been picking up extra shifts to help get her through the holidays which always slowed down workwise because everything closed. Matthew had offered to help with rent since he was living there for the time being, but she refused it. They settled on him helping with groceries since he wouldn't take no for an answer.

Her body was begging for her to slow down, but the faster she finished closing the shop, the faster she could go home. She'd been struggling to sleep ever since her nightmare, her appetite was nonexistent, and Cal's body was threatening to give out on her. But still, she forced it into compliance and continued.

Matthew was finishing up with a work call in the kitchen when Cal got home. She kicked off her shoes and slung her bag on the floor next to them. Without even a glance in Mattie's direction, Calpurnia plopped herself across the bed and closed her eyes. She heard Mattie end the conversation a few minutes later and then the scrape of the chair against the floor. His feet padded along the floor as he walked over to her and knelt to peck the tip of her nose. He laid down beside her.

"The crew wants to go out tonight in the city," he started, tracing a finger over her eyebrows "will you come?" Cal kept her face still considering both the option of staying in, never leaving her bed, and going out to see her friends. Well, maybe more appropriately Matthew's friends, but acquaintances for sure. Calpurnia almost fell asleep, before she remembered she was meant to be answering a question.

"Mhmm" she hummed, nodding her head slightly. "I'll go," she whispered. She laid there for a few more moments before sucking in a breath of air and sitting up. "I'm going to freshen up."

Calpurnia assessed what she had to work on in the mirror of the bathroom. Her hair, she decided, was decent enough and left it as is. Her waves tickled the top of her shoulders messily. She brushed mascara through her lashes and then headed into her room again to assess her clothes. It occurred to her that she had no idea what to wear to go out in the city. So, in a stroke of genius, she called Meg.

"Calpurnia!" Megan exclaimed when she picked up. "To what do I owe such a pleasure?" She could hear some background noise, and felt bad she may have interrupted.

"Sorry, are you busy?"

"No, not at all, are you okay?" She heard some ruffling and then the sound dissipated.

"Yeah, I just needed some pointers. I am going out for drinks in the city tonight with friends, what am I supposed to wear?" Cal bit her lip, she couldn't help but feel embarrassed to be calling and asking such a silly question. But Megan dismissed any embarrassment immediately launching into all the ideas she could think of. They settled on something that fit into Cal's comfort zone but was still Megan approved and then bid each other goodbye.