Aftermath

18

When they arrived back home Calpurnia waited until Matthew got settled in bed before laying down on the couch to go to sleep for the night. She found herself staring idly at the ceiling, every once in a while, reminding her eyes to blink and her lungs to fill. After what felt like hours a sound cut through the silence. A sigh of breath rushed out of Matthew's mouth and the rustling of the bed. Cal held her breath waiting for his next move. She heard next, the padding of his footsteps coming towards her.

"I'll get a room at the hotel tomorrow." He said when he stood in front of her. His eyes searched her face, but she kept it impassive.

"If that's what you want," Calpurnia's eyes remained locked on the ceiling. She studied the popcorn texture looking for accidental faces in the pattern. Oddly, she didn't feel any noteworthy way about Matthew's decision. It's for the best, is what she decided.

"When are you going to stop punishing me?" Her body jolted involuntarily at the words. Heat spread over her body, flushing her cheeks. He didn't stay for an answer, he walked in the direction of the bathroom. Cal spun her body so her feet were on the floor. She rested her head in her hands trying to collect herself before he passed by again. He didn't say anything when he did. Matthew simply walked by her back into the bedroom and got back in bed. But after a moment he spoke up, one last time.

"You can come to bed, you know. It is yours." He paused briefly and then added, "I won't touch you, I'm not that guy". Anger registered before the double meaning behind his words. Cal stood up from the couch and walked into the room with intention in her footsteps. She ripped the drawer on her dresser open and carelessly threw some clothes on top, then went to the closet to get a duffel bag. When she came back into the room Matthew was standing by the dresser. She tried to step around him to get the clothes and he reached out for her.

"No" was all she said. She successfully moved around him and stuffed the clothes into the bag cursing under her breath when she dropped some things on the floor.

"Cal, just chill out for a second," Matthew said, reaching her direction again. This time she launched herself at him, tossing her bag to the ground. She grabbed his wrists and shoved them away from where they were reaching.

"You're a fucking prick" malice drenched the words as they came out. She stepped away from him and grabbed her bag again. He made no move toward her after that. Cal didn't look back before walking out the door.

It took her a while to realize that it wasn't an option to go to her mother's. Cal also noticed as the adrenaline wore off, that she was dressed inappropriately for the cool November weather, wearing a sweatshirt and spandex shorts. With no phone, she did the only thing she could think to do and walked briskly to the closest place she could think of, the coffee shop.

The line rang three times before the phone was picked up.

"Hello?" A groggy voice came from the other end.

"Meg?" Cal asked her voice thick, but she was trying to hold it together.

"Calpurnia? What are you doing at the shop?" A tear trickled down her cheek and she took a sharp breath in.

"Um," she had to stop again to calm herself. "Can I come over please?" It was all she could manage for now.

"Of course, I'm going to come to get you." Under other circumstances, Calpurnia would've refused. Insisting she could walk or get a cab, but even if Cal could speak she wasn't sure she would have declined. She didn't know how she was going to stand up off the floor of the coffee shop, let alone manage a cab. "I'll be there so soon, okay?" Cal nodded.

Everything from Megan picking her up until she was tucked away in Megan's bed was a blur. She stroked Calpurnia's hair gently as a movie played in the background. When Cal had calmed down enough to talk Megan only asked one simple question.

"Are you hurt?" Cal shook her head no, and Meg nodded in acknowledgment. But after a while, she did ask one more question. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I can't" was a hoarse whisper, but it was met with understanding. Meg stayed awake at least until Calpurnia fell asleep, switching back and forth between smoothing her hairs back from her face and running her fingers through the ends.

At some point in the night, she woke from a nightmare she couldn't even remember, but her breath came out in heavy pants and Megan was over her assuring her it was a dream and she was okay. When her breathing steadied back to normal she closed her eyes again.

"Matthew and I got into a fight." She said and pressed her fingers against the bridge of her nose. "He didn't touch me, we just said some horrible things. I think he's leaving." That was all she said before Cal rolled onto her side, facing away from Meg, and went back to sleep.

...

It was as if Matthew was never there when Calpurnia stepped inside the next day. All traces of him were removed. No toothbrush in the bathroom. No razor on the ledge of the shower. All of his clothes were gone from the dresser, and shoes from the cubby by the door.

For the first time in weeks, she didn't know what to do with herself. She wasn't used to being alone anymore. She stood in the kitchen for a bit, bewildered. Finally ended up on the couch, with a movie playing on the tv but she wasn't watching it.

Cal didn't sleep that night. Not for lack of trying, but every time she tried a new noise would startle her. She stayed on the couch, unsure if she could face sleeping in the bed alone. She hadn't ever slept alone on that mattress. This continued for the better part of two weeks, not sleeping.

She was dropping weight at an alarming rate, unable to bring herself to eat. She dozed when she could but between both jobs, she didn't have much time for catching up. Megan bombarded her with questions but Cal mostly shrugged them off. Even Mr. Delgado voiced concern by the time December rolled in. But still, Calpurnia brushed off the comments and questions.

As far as she knew, Matthew was back home. With no more reason to be in Pelter Valley, she couldn't see a reason why he wouldn't be. Surely it would be easier to do the work in person where all of his resources were than trying to do it mobile.

The first weekend of December she decided to open her own phone line. In all honesty, she couldn't bear Matthew's absence anymore. She needed to hear his voice. To talk to him. But he didn't pick up, and he didn't call back.

The second week of December Cal spilled hot coffee all over herself lifting an urn, and dropped a bag full of coffee grounds, thinking, hoping, the worst was over. But it wasn't.

By the time her shift began at the bookstore that day, Calpurnia felt like she was holding herself together with tape. Her head was pounding, and her body hurt. She pulled out her phone to search up the title of a book so she could stock it correctly, and saw a notification bubble. Matthew had texted her. She hadn't even registered it before she clicked it open.