Aftermath

17

When all was said and done they were dismissed and walked out of the police station.

"Do you want to explain what's happening?" Cal asked, looking up at him curiously. He sighed and nodded but made no move to begin talking, so she waited allowing him a moment to collect his thoughts.

"They called me in," he began with his neck bent to stare up at the sky, "and I thought maybe they would have new information." Cal studied him as he remained still with his head up towards the sky, his back against the wall. "No new information, they said the original verdict was correct and they closed the case again." Matthew's voice broke on the last word but he continued. "I was so angry I just blew up" he stopped and took a shaky breath in before slumping to the ground. Cal knelt beside him as a sob wracked his body violently.

"What's happening Cal?" Mattie asked, pressing his forehead against hers. His eyes were scrunched closed and his breathing was erratic.

"I don't know Mattie" there was a plea in her voice, she just wasn't sure what it was a plea for. She pulled away from his forehead to look anywhere but at him. She couldn't bear it. Her heart was breaking for him.

"I'm suffocating" he choked out "I can feel her fucking everywhere" the words ripped from his throat in a rasped cry. She felt a tear of her own escape the corner of her eye and snake its way down her cheek. "I can't lose you too" he whispered, his eyes wild. "I can't do it, Cal, I won't-" she placed her hands on his cheeks gently trying to keep him grounded, and shook her head no. Cal was desperately trying to calm him down, her heart breaking at the sight.

"Shhhh," she said, grabbing onto his shirt. Another sob tore from his lips "It's okay," she shushed again and pulled his head into her neck. His lips brushed against her collarbone as he mumbled something unintelligible but she just held his head against her neck and rocked him gently.

His sobs quieted, and after a while, he was left with hiccupped breaths, but she held him long after even those had stopped. His hands were clenching fistfuls of her coat on either side of her. Calpurnia knew if she looked his knuckles would be white and didn't doubt he would have half moons pressed into the skin of his palm.

The exterior brick of the police station bit into the skin on Calpurnia's back, that was her lifeline. That was the only thing keeping her in tune with reality as she fiercely tried to hold Matthew together. This wound in him wrenched open, only to leave him with nothing again. It wasn't that she thought Rowan would appear in front of them once he met with the detectives about the case. Obviously, that's impossible. But why did they have to break him like this?

Cal pressed her back harder into the brick. She squeezed her eyes shut and willed the rough feeling to force her back from whatever proverbial edge she was teetering on. This is why they distanced themselves to begin with. This is why when Matthew moved away, she didn't call him anymore. It always came back to them being a symbol of the worst part of their lives. Rowan.

It was emotional warfare to be in each other's presence. Torn between grieving and comforting the grief-stricken. Everything was a reminder of the pain they were feeling. If Rowan were there, they wouldn't be together anyway. "Nothing worse than having to share your best friend with your twin brother" she would say scoffing every time she caught Cal staring too long when they were younger. She would tsk at Matthew when he made a slightly too flirtatious remark, leaving Cal shutter shocked and speechless.

God, she thought opening her eyes again, why did you have to go to that stupid party Rowan? You should've just listened. The same idea that had plagued her since she died. When the officers said she was drunk, a group decided to jump in the lake. Blunt force trauma to the skull. They said she had to have hit her head and no one was sober enough to realize she hadn't come back up, so she drowned. "She would've been unconscious, so it was painless,". Calpurnia was numb, she couldn't feel anything. But two days later the anger kicked in, she showed up at the station demanding to see the officers who had spoken to her. When they finally brought out who she was looking for, Cal charged at them screaming hysterically.

...

"You stupid fucking idiots," her voice ripped from her throat with more enthusiasm than she knew she was capable of. She felt hands restraining her and officers talking around her but she was seeing red. "How dare you say it didn't hurt! She is dead" the hands gripped harder the harder she struggled against them.

"Ma'am calm down" one of the officers spoke blandly as if there wasn't a person screaming at them. Calm? She wanted to kill them. How dare they tell her to be calm everyone was too fucking calm. Why wasn't anyone raising hell?

"She's dead," she screamed, she could feel her body growing weak as she continued to struggle against the officer restraining her. "She's dead and it fucking hurt, okay?" Her vision blurred around the edges and her face grew hot, she remembered feeling a few tears trail down her cheeks before she blacked out.

...

It will always come back to this with Matthew, she submitted to that reality. She sat, with red-rimmed eyes, glassy with unshed tears, and a numbness settling into her bones. Cal could feel herself growing antsy and irritated under the weight of Mattie still curled into her as if she was his only solace from the hurt. But that wasn't the truth, the truth was she was a reminder that his sister was dead. A reminder that he thought maybe they'd have more answers. Insight into the events of August 28th, 2018. But instead, he has a closed case, a dead sister, and nothing to blame but teenage stupidity, and Calpurnia.