Me

Now

So finally...almost done.
Just my grade 8 year now (well I'm in grade 8 rn so up till now)
Oh and then I'm gonna vent about my parents next chapter..this is mostly about friends.
So I got wattpad last summer, and I met this girl, Tara. I read her depression story and messaged her. We became great friends, and while she was depressed, she said she was ok and I ended up being the one venting to her all the time. She helped me SO much. She seemed to really care about me. But....(of course) in February she stopped talking to me. A few times she messaged me and I asked her why and she said she was 'busy' and 'forgot' (wow gee thanks you forgot about me that makes me feel better), and that she doesn't have Internet friends so she forgets to go on social media and check it (so I'm not a friend) so anyway eventually I have up and stopped messaging her cuz obv she didn't care about me. Then she updated her story saying how she's not actually over her depression so after asking a friend for advice I messaged her saying I was still here for her if she needed me and stuff and she didn't reply..but she updated again so she must've seen it..
I was over it tho like it didn't hurt me that much anymore but then a few days ago actually she messaged me and she's like oh I'm sorry I got my phone stolen so that's why I haven't talked to you and I'm like um U have a laptop and also U updated your story after I messaged you. So. I'm really pissed. Oh and she said that she's fine and that she ISN'T depressed and I'm like well on your wattpad update U were talking about dying!
Anyway.
Idk what to do about that.
So my other friends...I kinda don't talk to Olivia that much anymore she is now really outgoing and has gotten way less shy whereas I've probly gotten even worse...and I talk to this girl occasionally but I don't think she likes me that much. I have two good friends (who are twins) Mhari and Brenna. They, being siblings, are constantly being mean to eachother and I have to always tell them to stop but then they get mad at me and say I'm siding with the other which I'm not I'm just trying to get them to stop cuz I HATE it when people are mean to eachother it makes me wanna cry.
I have a lot of internet friends..well..idk.
I have a really good friend on wattpad my only one from wattpad rn her name is Kylie and she is suicidal and I'm trying really hard to help her..she said if id never messaged her she wouldn't be alive now so..message people because you never know what u could do! She's had three suicide attempts since I met her...at least she's alive but I'm super worried about her I wish she could see how much she means to me. I know she has a plan to kill herself that will apparently benefit everybody but idk how that is possible...I don't want her to die😟.
On Pinterest I have talked to many people trying to help them. I only talk to like 5 on a regular basis.
I talk to (and help) less people than I did last month..I feel bad tho..I should be helping people. But...
When I talk to people, I always ask if they r ok. I always have to make sure. But if they ask if I'm ok, even if I say, "...ya" or avoid the question or something so I'm obv not they still just ignore it and don't care and go on about themselves and I just want someone to care for once...
I met a great friend, Livvie...she's like my big sis and I talk to her a lot. She seems to really care about me and stuff. And I can't help but venting to her. But whenever I vent to her, she says 'oh I'm sorry, it's ok' or just goes '*hugs u*' and then she goes and vents about herself...
Like the other day I was saying how my fears are being alone forever and people seeing me the way I see myself and then she was just like 'sis' and I realized she didn't want me to tell her this she didn't wanna hear it so I kept saying sorry over and over and she was like 'it's ok' and then she went and vented about how her bf was taking 'forever' to answer her text and I just wanted to cry...
Honestly idk y I vent to her and trust her she never listens or helps she always changes the subject to herself and it hurts..but I can't help venting to her. I can't even explain it. And it sucks:(
I am trying really hard to stop venting to her. Cuz it's selfish..even if I think my problems are bigger it's not true/ it doesn't matter I have to help her and other people no matter what I can't be selfish. I'm already too selfish. :(