Me

Venting

So, in the past week I've started venting to Livvie, I trust her, a lot. It means a lot to me that she's there for me. And like yes it hurts when she focuses on herself but we all want to talk about ourselves it's nature, everyone craves to be heard. So it's ok. But I hate myself for putting myself in this position. I told myself I'd never come close to anyone. I'd help people and that's it. But I couldn't do it in so weak...
I'm terrified that Livvie is going to leave me. If she does I think that's it for me. I don't think I'd be able to trust anyone again...at least not for a really really long time. I'm so scared...
I was saying how I don't deserve to feel sad and focus on myself and she told me that technically I'm partially abused by my parents..idk how I feel about that. They can be nice, but..they've hurt me so much.
I'm afraid my mom saw that message from Livvie though because it came up on my screen and I had to give my iPod back to her (I only get a limited time on it, which sucks cuz I actually payed for it with my own money and stuff like it's not fair) so I think she read it..cuz after she was asking me who she was.....
I know what my parents would say. They'd be all like,
Don't go around telling random strangers lies. You always overreact on everything and make stuff up so people pity you and so everyone else looks like the bad guy. You shouldn't be talking to her anyway she could be an old man who wants to kidnap you (she's not omg).
They always tell me to not tell people stuff. They say if I tell personal things to people they will gain power over me and use that and hurt me. They make it sound like everyone is against me, everyone will hurt me so I have to keep to myself.
Like they tell me that my friends aren't real friends, that they lie when they say they won't hurt me or leave me and when they say nice things about me. They've taught me to 'read through people' like 'if they make an excuse to get out of something it means they don't want to do it and hate you' (say I invited them over) and stuff like that...you see why I have trust issues?