I've realized lately how much I've changed in the past few months..
I've become so much more guarded, I've built up my walls (not even close to high enough, but they're there), I've protected myself....(not well enough- it doesn't really protect me).
But I've changed. Hopefully for the better.
I know I'm stronger in the sense that I think I'm a bit better at helping people, and it doesn't break me (like with Shayla- now it barely phases me if people tell me they cut, and if they say they wanna attempt suicide or something I don't panic or anything). But I'm still drowning under the weight of trying to keep everyone afloat, and nobody is helping me swim.
I don't vent to people anymore not really...like I used to vent to Shayla and Lindsey every day basically, I trusted them with everything- and look where that got me. I'm just..I'm done with trusting people. Well I wish I was but I can't help believing deep down maybe Livvie and some other friends night care..but I tell myself they don't because it's easier than believing they might....
Because..
I'm scared
Yea...
I'm afraid of getting close to someone just to have them leave me again.
I'm afraid of having my trust in them broken. I'm afraid I'll start expecting more from them if I keep getting closer, and it'll just end up hurting both me and my friends...
I'm afraid of love😟
YOU ARE READING
Me
RandomBasically this is about my life. I'm making it anonymous so people I know in real life don't know it's me. You can call me Maddison for now.
