Me

Almost summer

So, it's my last week of school. I can't believe it. The year has gone by so fast. Next year I'm in high school!😫 I love my school a lot, I'm gonna miss it so much. I like the style of learning and the teachers are really fun; I'm gonna miss that. We also never get homeworkXD. I don't really think I'm gonna miss the people, other than like my two best friends; I never really clicked with any of them. I never talked to most of them cuz I have trouble talking to people. But I'd still rather go to high school with all of them cuz at least they are nice to me, and I wouldn't have to worry about making new friends;(.
So...Thursday is the last day of school. Usually we go to the beach at the end of the year but there is something wrong with the water so we are going to a splash pad-__- Which is meant for 5 year olds- we are 12-14 year olds-__-
Oh well the teachers are bringing tons of snacks so I'm happy about that:) after I know I'm gonna cry..basically we all go back to school and in the dance studio we all cry and hug and say goodbye;) :(
Then on Sunday I'm leaving for Europe!!! I'm so excited cuz I haven't been in two years and usually we go every year so I've missed it a lot.
I'm also terrified tho because what if my family doesn't like who I've grown into? I don't like her...my direct family doesn't like her. What if I embarrass myself all the time? I'm not good at speaking their language..and I'm usually nervous when we first get there but then I become comfortable around them but I'm scared this year I'm gonna be awkward the whole time😟😢.
All my memories of that place are happy. So I'm hoping that when I'm there I'll be happy and have fun...but I'm so scared that that's not gonna happen. Because those memories are from when I was younger....and happier..more carefree.. I wanna go back to that person but I don't know if that's possible. And I'm scared for how the summer is gonna go😟
I don't have anyone my age there, I just have my sister (who is 11). My youngest cousin (who is a guy-__-) is 17. It never really bothered me that I didn't know anyone but I'm scared that I'm gonna be lonely. I won't have anyone to hug either😟. *sigh*
I also really wanna be more healthy and fit and lose weight over the summer but I know the chances of that are slim cuz I can't bring myself to not eat..I can do it for one day and then the next day I eat normally again-__- and in Europe they have really good (but not very healthy) food.
Two nights ago my sister had a dance recital and we went to watch and they were so good. My mom wants me to take up dancing next year..but they are all so skinny. I'm too fat to be a dancer😔
After the recital I saw myself in the mirror and all I saw was fat and I started crying cuz I'm so fat and I'm too fat to be loved and I'll never be a dancer😭