SECTION 4 : The Hidden Section

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 1.

EXPECTATIONS lead to disappointments. Disappointments lead to shame—shame to be a failure, when you worked hard but didn't succeed? It all leads to low-self trust.

“I'm very disappointed in you, eya!” my father shouted after he saw my report card.

I should have followed my gut feeling not to show it to him.

“Ninety-four? Is this grades to you? This grade is only for stupid people!” dagdag pa nya.

Isa lang. Isa lang ang grades ko na mababa sa ninety-five, but he's already disappointed. How much more kung malaman nya na hindi ako ang napiling representative ng school namin.

Lahat ng grades ko sa ibang subject ay hindi bumababa ng ninety-five, only in filipino subject that a got Ninety-four.

Sinasabi ko na nga ba may galit sakin yung bagong panot na teacher na 'yon e.

“Isang subject lang naman dad” nayukong sabi ko.

He scoffed “Isa lang? Isa lang pero nagrereflect 'yon sa kakayahan mo! Always remember this eya. One mistake, reflects to your capability. One mistake, reflects to what your brain can do. One mistake, reflects on how people look at you with respect! And one low grade can question your power above others, eya! Tandaan mo yan. SSG President ka pa naman!” Singhal nya.

Galit na galit sya pati si mommy walang magawa. Ang mga maids nakayuko lang sa gilid. No one bothers to interrupt in his spitting-fire-moment. Ano ba'ng bago?

“I know dad. Pero mas okay na nga yan imbes na 74 diba? Anong magagawa ko kung yan lang nakayanan ng utak ko?” pabulong kong sinabi ang huling salita.

He looked at with disbelief. Umiling ito upang ipahiwatag kung gaano sya ka-disappointed sakin. Hinagis nya ang report card ko saka galit na umalis sa harap naming lahat.

Everyone know me as a perfect daughter. A daughter who follows her parent's orders. A daughter who never fail her parents. A daughter who brought honor to her parents.

Being one of a well-known family, they expect that you should be on top. They expect that you are some kind of perfect-person-cause-you're-known by many people. Ginagawa kang role model kaya dapat maganda ang pinapakita mo.

That's why my father is like that, always conscious about what other people gonna say. And ofcourse because I'm his daughter, I should do that too. Always having higher grades then the others. Always look expensive and not cheap. Always chin up. Never look down. Never bow down. And never show pity when it comes to competitions.

“Just do your best next time, love” kalmadong sabi ni mama.

Tumango ako “Ano pa ba'ng magagawa ko?”

Maliit na ngiti ang binigay nya sakin bago tumalikod. Pinasunod nya sakanya ang mga maids, leaving me all alone.

Huminga ako ng malalim bago umakyat sa kwarto ko. Pagkasara ng pinto doon bumuhos lahat ng luha na kanina ko pa pinipigilan.

Hindi pa ba sapat 'yon? Isa lang naman ang mababa ah. The rest is already beyond the limit he puts.

I cried silently, napapagod din naman ako. I did tried my best para makakuha ng mataas na grades, why it's not enough to satisfy him? Yung iba nga 75 lang okay na ang mahalaga nakapasa ka.

I dried my tears, hindi ako makahinga dahil sa pag iyak. Wala nakong magagawa dahil kahit anong gawin ko never naman naging proud sakin si daddy e.

Even the time when I became the valedictorian in our batch nung elementary. Grade seven to grade eleven never akong naalis sa honor students, not to mention I became our junior high school valedictorian too. Napatingin ako sa left side ng kwarto ko kung saan nakalagay ang mga trophies ko at saka mga certificates, mula elementary hanggang high school.

Hindi ko na mabilang ang mga ito sa sobrang dami. Nagpaplano na nga sila mom na ilagay sa isang kwarto ang mga ito, and that room will become my achievements room. Kung saan nakalagay ang lahat ng mga trophies ko.

Pero ang lahat ng mga yan ay walang saysay sakin kung hanggang ngayon never ko pa narinig ang salitang 'I'm proud of you' galing kay daddy.

Sa graduation si mommy ang kasama ko. Not that I'm complaining, masaya akong kasama si mommy and I love her, but then iba pa rin kasi kung ang tatay na natin ang kasama sa pagmartsa natin sa graduation diba?

Ewan ko sa iba pero yun kasi ang gusto ko e. To see my father's proud smile while walking in the middle of the red carpet during graduation.

But I guess hanggang dream nalang ako.

I got up then pumasok na sa banyo. I'm going to take a shower, tama na ang drama. Magrereview pako.

“Good morning” bati ko kay mommy pagka pasok palang sa dining room.

I kiss her in the cheek “Good morning, hija”

“Good morning dad” mahinang sabi ko, hahalik na sana ako sa pisngi nya ng umiwas ito.

“Francis!” sigaw ni mommy sa pangalan nga pero patuloy lang ito sa pagbabasa ng news paper.

Hindi ko nalang pinansin ang ginawa nya saka umupo na sa upuan ko mommy is still glaring at him kaya hinawakan ko ang kamay nito. Napatingin sya sakin. I saw an apologising look in her eyes. I shook my head then give her a tight smile.

Huminga sya ng malalim bago binalingan ng tingin si dad.

“You're being unreasonable, Francis! Your daughter just want to greet you a good morning. Show some respect on her” kalmadong sabi nya ngunit ramdam ang inis sa tono nya.

“There's no good in the morning if your daughter have low grades. Instead of greeting me a good morning, she should study instead”

Mom look at him with disbelief “So, sinasabi mong mas okay sayo na hindi ka igreet ng anak mo dahil mas okay sayo na mag aral nalang? Mas okay sayo na unahin nya ang pag aaral kisa igreet ang tatay nya? Ginawa mo namang walang respeto ang anak mo”

“Mom” awat ko.

“I can't believe you. You're being unreasonable, really! Makakapaghintay ang pag aaral, she can do it after greeting her father a good morning” sabi nya bago tumayo saka umalis sa hapag.

Hindi nagsalita sa daddy bagkus ay Nagpatuloy lang sya sa pagbabasa ng news paper nya. Hindi na rin ako umimik at kumain na lang.

“Thank you, tatay rudy”

“Walang ano man, hija” my personal driver answered.

“Ingat po” Tumango ito at umalis na.

Tatay rudy is my personal driver mula elementary sya yung naghahatid-sundo sakin. Parang tatay na rin ng turing ko sakanya dahil lahat ng pagkukulang ni daddy pinupunan nya, but then it didn't stop the thirst for my father's attention.

Attention. Attention na nakukuha ko lang kapag may failure ako? Tsk!

Iniscan ko ang ID ko sa scanner na ansa gate. Nang umilaw ang green, it means that I'm a varified student of Vanguard high, ay pumasok nako.

Vanguard high the school of the elites. A perfect school for nerds and geniuses. A perfect school for those who think high of themselves. A perfect school for students who likes to compete. Pataasan ng grades, Pataasan ng standard.

It's a perfect school.

That's what I think but little did I know, it's not just I school for students have high grades.

But also for students with—well you can say grades. Pwede mo namang matawag na grades 'yon.

It seems like a perfect school but it's not.