Into oblivion

Glass

📚

- Nightmare -

"Mia get the plates!" dad yells across the kitchen. The home made pizza makes the entire house smell like heaven, it also makes it difficult to think of anything but pizza. God I'm so hungry.

"Got it!" I yell over, I head towards the cupboards picking up three plates for all of us. I spread them out evenly onto the wooden table, one for dad, one for me and one for- Belle comes out of nowhere hitting the plate from my hands shattering it all over the thin carpet that sits just under the table.

"Belle why would you-"

"Tell me Mia, do you really think you should be eating right now with the way you've been gaining weight recently, hmm?" she smiles at me innocently.

"What's going on back there?" dad yells over once again, I was just about to reply but Belle beat me to it.

"Mia broke a plate again"

"Mia what's wrong with you!" he finally walks in and I follow his disappointing gaze all over the shattered plate, it's a look I'm all too familiar with. He doesn't say anything for a moment but then he sighs "you're beginning to be more annoying as each day passes by I swear, just clean it up and eat. Belle darling lets start" he sets the pizza down right in the middle and it looks amazing but all of a sudden my entire appetite has disappeared in just a few little seconds.

They pull their chairs out taking a seat whilst I get on my knees to clean the mess, it's all dead silence as I pick up the shattered pieces. One by one I place them into my hand being careful not to cut myself in the process, as I reach for the biggest piece that's next to belle's chair she suddenly lifts her foot, slamming my hand straight onto the glass piece. The shear pain of it digging through my whole hand is indescribable.

I quickly grab hold of my hand applying pressure to the blood that's pouring out but I can't seem to stop the scream that follows after me. Everything around me begins to violently spin. I hear a chair scrape against the wooden floor and not a moment later someone has grabbed hold of me, when i finally do lift my heavy eyes that seem to be closing without my control I realize it's my dad whose helping me, but as he grips onto my arms with more than needed force I begin to understand he's not helping at all. He shoves me onto a chair grabbing my face with such strength that my neck hurts "can you do anything right besides ruin any chance of peace this family has left, CAN YOU??" he screams into my face.

All I can do is cry, cry from the pain, his words, the grip he has on either side of my face, and the fact there's nothing but hatred in those cold eyes that are staring back at me. Belle stays sat, just smiling right behind him. I didn't mean to ruin this night, I didn't mean to upset him.

He let's go taking a seat on the floor putting his head into his now bloodied hands. I look to Belle whose got the most satisfied grin a person could ever get, I feel sick "just go to your room Mia please, you're sucking out every ounce of energy I have left just-just go"

I feel like my throat has a rock stuck in it and every time I try to breath the rock seems to get bigger and bigger. I stand up anyway but nearly collapse right there on the spot, the only thing that keeps me walking and standing is that I know it would've sent him over the edge. As I begin climbing the old steps, little drops of blood seemed to have slipped through my fingers leaving a short trail to where I now stand.

I start to clean the little drops as best as I can with my shirt but it's useless, the more I clean the worse it gets.

"God you're pathetic "I can barely see her but she's standing at the bottom of the steps with her arms folded shaking her head side to side genuinely in disgust of me. I'll just clean it up in the morning. I lift myself up using all the energy I have left and use it to get to my room, right at the last second just as I shut my door my legs give in dropping my body to the cold floor. Clearly I need a hospital but that will never happen so the only way this is getting fixed is if I do it myself, reaching for the sowing bag that's in arms reach under my bed I pull out a thick needle and thread from inside. But as I try to get the thread in with one hand I realize I'm just wasting more time, I drop it all frustrated at myself and with the pain all at once so I simply lay there, staring at the bland empty ceiling. I can't help but cry from it all honestly.

Sucking in another breath I look into the bag for anything else I could use and then I spot it. But do I really wanna go through all of that? it would close it till the morning and stop the bleeding but then it will also be a pain to take out and re-fix.

what other options do I have?

None.

I take the large silver stapler and place it on the palm of my hand, the weight alone makes my heart slam against my chest.

Am I having a heart attack?

FOCUS!

I ready myself and slam it into me. The cold rush of pain flows fast through my body and even my bones, I nearly pass out from just the first one. Tears sting my face as they rush down my burning hot cheeks but I wipe them away to get a better look at where I'm aiming to next.

Time sort of blended together after the second one and honestly if anyone asked me what happened in-between each staple, I'd have to lie because I don't know. What I do know on the other hand is that I'm currently passing out because black dots are overtaking any vision I have left.

back to reality

I jolt back awake not being able to breath, I grab my throat in chances I'll just take away whatever it is that's keeping me from getting the air I desperately need but of course it's never that simple. I look around me for an object of any kind, I find nothing but then I remember the stitches in my leg. I rip the cover off me, the cold air hits against my scorching skin making it only that much harder to breath. I find the rigid cut and press down as hard as I can until I feel the warm blood trail over my fingers and down onto the sheets below. At least I can breath again, at least my heart is actually beating at a normal speed and at least my brain doesn't feel like it's about to implode.

I stay sat up breathing in and out praying that I don't have another panic attack, I wipe away the single tear that had managed to escape past me and focus on anything I can in the lightless room. The moons glow acts as my only source of light and my thoughts are captivated by its faint shine that softly spreads over some of the things in here. I've always envied the moon, like how it manages to thrive in it's never ending darkness, it's always alone surrounded by nothing and yet it stands tall each night not once looking weak or small. When I die and if I'm ever given a choice to where I want to spend my forever I wouldn't hesitate in saying the moon.

Usually Donte is right on the other side of the wall to help me breath again, it's funny because he never knew that he even helped, I'd just end up curling up into a ball next to the floor where he sleeps because the chances of me falling asleep after these are zero to none. I'd stare out the little window he had and reminded myself till the sun came out that it was just a dream, and in truth it was, but it was also my reality at one point.

I look down at the palm of my hand that has the scar of that night seared into me forever, acting as a constant reminder that I would never truly be able to get away, I was only 13.

No matter how far or how fast I run their hatred will forever be painted on every inch of my body.

I start to feel myself cry, I can't do this. I get up walking to the door opening it to be met with the dark empty hallway, not a single light source is in here which makes me have to look much harder into the thick darkness than usual. As I walk closer toward his shut door the voices in my head are screaming to turn around, asking for help only proves that what they used to say to me is true, I'm weak. I wipe the tears from my cheeks stepping closer and closer anyways, if being weak gets me comfort and a bit of peace then so be it.

I reach his door and hesitate just like I knew I would. I feel like an actual child that has just had a nightmare and is at their parents bedroom door too scared to go in but even more scared to go back.

Suddenly the door opens, a warm light from his room floods away some of the dark letting me finally see something other than the literal nothingness. My eyes trail up to him and when they do I just feel like breaking down all over again.

"Mia what's-" I don't let him ask me that because if he does I might just tell him, so I hug him. I hold onto him like my life depends on it and soon after i feel his arms hug around me, caging me into a comfortable state that I never want to leave. He leans down picking me up, my legs wrap around his waist as his hands snake around my body for support.