Into oblivion

Craving you

📚

"Don't run away from this" his green eyes turn all kinds of shades darker.

"I'm not running, I'm right here" I say calmly, taking in a breath to control at least a fragment of what I'm feeling towards him right now.

"Well it doesn't feel like it" he's towers over me, pissed and hurt painted all over him at the same time "touching you only to lose you in the same second makes me believe in hell, it makes me truly believe there's a sick joke being played out on me"

"Then tell me what you want, tell me what it'll take for you to just leave me alone" I raise my voice this time because he's stepping on my every nerve.

"That's the problem Mia" he yells breathlessly "how the fuck could I possibly be done with you if it's you that I crave, if it's you that I need"

My chest caves in and the will to breath is strong because it feels like I've lost the ability to do so. He on the other hand is stood firm, meaning everything he's just said.

My head tilts to the side, warning him before my words do "Nicholas-please don't"

"I can't, not when you're the embodiment of my every thought, I have no control over myself when you're around can't you see that!"

My vision clouds as tears threaten to pour out, I turn away from him to get away but he only catches me. Very gently he turns my face so that I'm forced to look at him, a tear slips down my cheek but before it could run any further his thumb brushes it away, fixing me once more.

"Whatever your fight is I want in, I want all of you, your body, your soul, your heart and everything else that comes with" his soft eyes bore into mine. The feeling of happiness is right in front of me, it's right there and the only thing left do to is reach for it and just take it.

But how?

How can I trust someone when I know the consequences of it going wrong. I find myself saying he's not Rayan, but then again he wasn't cruel at the begging too. But he wouldn't hurt me, Nicholas would never do something like that to me. Still, no one could ever be a hundred precent sure of it

"Mia-"

"I don't need you" I say fast and honestly, he tries to swallow my words down in the best way he can but I'm not quite finished with my sentence "but I want you"  before he could say a word I kiss him. It's the only way I can shut the screaming in my head, his lips on mine quite literally set ablaze everything inside me. His arms tighten around me so much so that I'm no longer touching the ground.

We pull back looking at each other "I would never hurt you, you know that right?" he whispers softly.

"If you do, I'll kill you" he knows I would, I don't have to repeat myself twice as he nods his head.

I never said okay or a yes, I just kissed him meaning I could still get out of this if I wanted to but as he pulls me into his chest i strangely don't regret it. I feel at home as his scent calms my mind entirely and I melt into him, it feels like I'm jumping out of my life and into his arms.

I am terrified though, my hands have begun to quiver slightly as the thoughts of it all going horribly wrong begins to make itself at home, my mind is a hotel of all sorts right now. The funny thing is, what I feel for him triumphs my fears, my worries, all my doubts are nowhere as important as him. So although my trust lingers around his decisions I have to stop trying to guess how he'll act upon it, I can't be with him and wonder if today will be our last day because I might as-well call it quits now. You're either both feet in or completely out, I'm trusting him, both my feet are beyond in.