Into oblivion

Entirely completed

📚

-Nicholas-

I stare at her as she peacefully sleeps on me, her white hair is scattered all across my chest and I drink up every detail about her as if I'm seeing her for the first time. I've been staring at her for hours unable to look away, I never knew you could feel this way about another human being but apparently it's possible. It's a type of feeling you can't put into words but the closest thing I can describe it to is like handing your soul over blindly. There's an understandment of the possibility that they can shred it into pieces but still, even with that knowledge you don't care, you would rather chance it than lose them.

I would give anything up for her, anything.

"I nee-"

I glance over at the door wanting to kill Max as he enters. She needs rest and not his voice yelling at the highest possible note. He stops mid way apologizing for being so loud before taking a seat next to the bed.

"Sorry, I didn't know she was still sleeping" he stares at her with sadness and I wonder why, he see's me confused and doesn't bother hiding whatever it is he was thinking "I don't know if I should tell you Bane"

"If it's to do with her then you have no choice"

I don't want to corner Max, he's actually the last person I'd feel comfortable cornering. But I would beat it out of him myself if it came down to it.

"When we were going after Rayan she got shot"

I look down at her bandaged arm that now has a stain of red showing, I'll need to change that in a second.

"But Bane, the guy that shot her was about to go for a kill shot"

"Yeah and she killed him so what's this about?"

"That's the thing, she didn't kill him, I did. I had to take him out because she stood there ready to die" his eyes glisten as he revisits the moment "I dont know who this Rayan guy is but whatever he did, whatever shit he pulled made Mia become someone different with just a couple of words"

The sound of his name makes imagine all the ways I know I could make him suffer.

"I know that look" he pulls me out of my thoughts "I know you love her, and it's clear she loves you but I think you should ask her what she wants to do with him. This is her war and I'll gladly stand with her and I know you will too, but just on her conditions, on her terms"

If it were up to me I would be turning the world upside down just to find him, but Max is right, this has to be on her terms. This war is hers but I'll be dammed if I let her go into it alone.

I give Max a nod and he smiles faintly before getting up.

"Hey Max" I stop him "thank you" he nods at me before completely disappearing around the corner.

Max and I have known each other since day one. I think I was about 7 when he first came over, he was 5 at the time so finding something in common with a 5 year old wasn't exactly easy. His mom and mine were friends since childhood and decided to keep the tradition going, so they arranged play dates nearly every day, at first he was shy, so much so that even when he was hurt he'd barely make a noise. I remember the first time he actually had enough confidence to look at me for longer than a second, I laughed for 5 minutes straight after that because I couldn't believe it. As time went on of course he began to gain confidence, sometimes a little too much I think. He'd come home with something busted every now and again whether that be his face or his bones but he didn't care. It never stopped him from being as annoying as he was.

Over the years friends began to lessen in my life, I would either get fucked over or I just couldn't afford to trust them but Max was different. Max stuck by the entire time even when I wouldn't recognize myself, even when the whole world wanted me dead.

Max is the only person in the universe who knows things about me, now including Mia of course but besides that no one knows shit. I think Mia and Max are the closest thing to a family I have and I just hope I don't fuck it up.

I used to tell myself that I was better off staying alone but the truth is when people say that it's only a cry for help. Truth is they've gotten used to doing so much on their own that it starts to feel like home, but home is a place for more than just one soul, of course it takes time to trust someone as they're entering your life and it can be quite painful, especially if you've spent so long convincing yourself for years that no one could possibly love you or that you're just meant to stay alone forever. Those words can quickly become reality, and before you know it you're dying alone without a single soul remembering you.

It took me a while to except Max into my life because even when he showed me nothing but loyalty the reality I created over time began to ruin it all, it would say things that were painful and hard to ignore but the truth was never in those words. It was right in front of you, of me.
It was clear to me then that I had a choice to make, I could either go back to that house that had began to rot away, or, invite them in.

Inviting Max in was the best decision I've ever made, but Mia, Mia was what brought me back to life. Her warmth consumes any sadness my mind may have, she makes me feel like the life I was living before her was never moving, barely even real. And now, now it's like the world is spinning without any sense of control. Everything is starting to make sense, the questions, the doubts I had before her don't matter anymore, they're not important.

And to think that me, a thing like me could be loved by such a creature like her .... it doesn't make sense. But I'm not letting go and if that makes me selfish then so be it, but she completes me entirely.

I love her.