When the Past Returns

Finally

We hung out till the kids started getting tired. I couldn't wrap my head around what was so special about Donna. Yes, I was jealous. This woman is married to the guy I've been in love with since we first did heroin together. I was an addict with him. But he forgot about me. He moved on while I moved around. Now, here I was for the rest of my life, longing for him more than ever, and he sat across from me, looking me in the eye with a smile on his face but his hand in her's. I wanted to be that girl. I wanted to be able to tell Nikki that I love him and him not think of it as a friendly way. I wanted to be able to wake up next to him every morning he wasn't on tour. I wanted to care for his children as if they were mine. I wanted him and those kids. They meant a lot to me.

"We'll see you later. Have a safe trip, guys." I say as they leave. I sit on the couch and lay back. "Momma, are you tired?" June asks, crawling up beside me. "Yeah, I just need a little nap. Do you want to take a nap with me?" I ask her, hugging her close. She nods, gets of the couch, grabs my hand, and helps me off the couch. We walk to my room and get into my big bed. "Sleep tight, my little June bug. I love you." I say then kiss her cheek.

••TWO YEARS LATER••
Ashtyn London was born on February 14, 1997. He has Nikki's eyes, too. I've visited everyone and they absolutely love him. Nikki is oblivious to the fact that Juniper and Ashtyn are his kids. He's too wrapped up in Donna to even pay attention to his old best friend. Even through all the nights he's dropped his kids off at my house and all the times we were supposed to have dinner together as a big family and he'd blow it off, I still loved him. Maybe it's a mistake to love him still. I could find someone else. Someone else my age that the kids will love and won't blow me off.

Donna and I have been talking more than what Nikki and I have though. So she's letting me meet all her friends. I've met quite a few. Not a lot of them are impressive. I did meet her friend's brother, Jacob, and he's taking me out on a date tonight. Some place nice to eat is what he said. So, I'm dropping the kids off at Donna's and Nikki's then going to the restaurant. June is well-aware of this date and is very protective of me. She's slightly scared of me leaving and being alone with this man. This will be the first time I am away from my children for longer than 10 minutes.

"Don't worry, my little June bug. I'll be okay. Just take care of your brother. Be good, okay? I love you both." I say, kissing them both on the cheek. I put Ashtyn in Donna's arms. "Thank you for watching them." I say and leave quickly. I was already running late. I quickly drive to the restaurant and run in. "Do you have a reservation?" The waitress at the front asks. "Reservation? Oh no, I don't know his last name." I mumble. "Abigail, hey. Come this way." Jacob says, grabbing my hand. "Oh, hello, Jacob. How are you?" I ask. "I'm fine. And you? Well you look a little tired." He says. "I was running a little late. My children were messing around." I say. "Children?" He asks. "Uh, yeah. I have two. A girl and boy." I say. I hadn't told him about my kids and neither had Donna. "Really? How old are they?" He asks. "Juniper is 7 and Ashtyn is 1." I say. "I've always wanted kids. I just never found the right one before." He says. There's a small silence then he looks up at me and smiles. "Maybe you can be the one. When can I meet them?" He asks. "Oh. You can meet them whenever you want. June was actually afraid for me to come on this date. She has never been away from me for this long. Except for school and sleeping." I laugh, nervously. "Sweet thang," he says in a southern accent, "don't be so nervous." We laugh and he grabs my hand that rests on the table. I feel my heart skip a beat and my breathing hitch. That felt really weird.

We ate our food and soon left the place. "I'll see you tomorrow, right?" He asks, leaning against my car. "Yeah. You can come over or I can come over with the kids. Watch a movie or something." I suggest. "You can come over. I'll cook." He says then pulls me close. "Thank you for a wonderful night, Jacob." I say. "No. Thank you. I enjoyed tonight." He says then kisses my cheek. He opens my car door, I get in, and he shuts it. I roll down my window after starting the car. "Drive safely." He says as I pull away.

I pick up the kids and go home. They go to sleep quickly in my bed. I fix myself a warm bubble bath to relax. Then after I get out, I climb into bed and think about the night. I need to move on from Nikki. He didn't love me, he hasn't loved me, and he won't love me. I need to get over him. Maybe Jacob will be a good move. Maybe him and I will start something new. Something good. That's what I need. Maybe Jacob will love me as much as I could love him. I want to try. And that's what I'm going to do. Tomorrow will be a new day and tomorrow I am going to show Jacob that I am interested in being in a relationship. I will show him and then maybe we can both be happy. After being full of thoughts, I fall asleep.