CountryHumans Incorrect Quotes

Florida again

I just can't help myself I'm sorry—

Florida: This is probably the second weirdest way I've almost died.
Oregon: What was the first?
Florida: It's very complicated but, long story short, I'm banned from every Olive Garden in the country.

~~~

Florida: This math won't help us in the real world!
[years later]
Georgia: Okay, lift on three!
Florida: Oh shit

~~~

Florida: All things considered, time travel didn't work out too badly
Georgia: We saw ourselves die!
Georgia: Twice!

~~~

Georgia: You know, this is why I don't have a cat
Florida, stuck in a tree: Look, I was bored

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Florida: admit it, Georgia, you're glad to see me
Georgia: I'm glad you're not dead, I'll give you that

~~~

Oregon, in distress: can't you see I'm upset? Aren't you going to comfort me??
Florida: I'm not the friend to call when you need a shoulder to cry on, I'm the friend to call when you need to make a death look like an accident

~~~

Oregon: hey you should come over
Florida: can't I'm burying a dead body
Oregon: Washington isn't home
Florida: I know

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America, ticked off: you better have a good reason for doing that!
Florida: I have several
Florida: chaos
Florida: pettiness
America: is that all?
Florida: and a deep-seated need for attention

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Florida, in line at Starbucks: hi can I have a venti vanilla latte with uhhhhhh seven espresso shots
Louisiana, in line behind him: Jesus Christ just do cocaine

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Oregon: what's the most illegal thing you've done?
Rhode Island: trespassing
Georgia: stealing
Illinois: murder
Florida: all three at once

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Florida: if someone asks you "see anything new today?" Always respond with "yes, you always surprise me with your beauty" and then take their surprised silence to continue thinking about velociraptors

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Florida: I was the only one by Georgia's side when he fell off that ladder. I'll always remember his haunting last words
Oregon: what were they?
Florida: "stop shaking the ladder"

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Florida: do you think alligators have feelings?
Louisiana: Florida you know you're my best friend, but if you don't shut the fuck up—

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Florida: I guess you could say I'm too tough to cry!
Oregon: just today you were crying about snakes
Florida, tearing up: they don't have any arms!!!!

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Louisiana: hey Oregon and Washington challenged us to a water fight
Florida: I'm in, just give me a second for this water to boil

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Florida: it's just like when you dared me to lick the swing set
Georgia: I didn't dare you to lick the swing set, I told you specifically not to lick the swing set and you said "Fuck you Georgia I do what I want" and licked the swing set anyway

~~~

Georgia: *is choking*
Louisiana: I'm trying to call 911 but the 9 button isn't working!
Florida: turn it upside down and use the 6!
Louisiana: Genius!
Georgia: *momentarily stops choking* what the fuck-

~~~

Louisiana, trying comfort Mississippi: everyone's busy thinking about themselves, they're not thinking about you
Florida: Ever
Louisiana: that's not what I meant