my drug | ashtray | euphoria

chapter 24: after

*a month later*

it's been a month since i lost Ash and everything happened. me and the twins have moved back in with Maddy and my mum. i didn't get any jail time or anything cause i didn't do anything just lived with them.

i haven't spoken to Fez or Faye since the day, i don't know where either of them are. people have been asking me about what happened.. i just don't respond.

i started using again, i only did it for 2 days but i'm a single mother i can't be using. i got help and stopped.. with difficulty.

the twins are doing okay, i think they know things have changed but they're only babies so they can't know too much. i'll tell them about their dad, how he was mean to most people but he was so nice to me, fez and them, how he tried his hardest to care for them and protect them, how he helped me so much and how he died trying to protect his home and himself and maybe Fez... i changed Marie's middle name to Ashley but i usually just call her Marie Ash.

Cal was arrested the same day everything happened, apparently Nate turned him in.

i wonder if Lexi knows about Fez? i haven't spoken to anyone other than Rue, Maddy and that Elliot guy from new years.

the doorbell rings and i know it's Rue and Elliot, they've been a big helps over the past month and they help with the twins.

"hey", i greeted Rue and Elliot as they stepped into the house. "hey milf", Rue always calls me a milf- Elliot gave me a quick hug. "thanks for coming over i just needed a distraction, tomorrow's his birthday". i feel sick at the thought of not celebrating his birthday with him and the twins. "oh shit", Elliot looks at me sympathetically, "we'll stay the night and spend tomorrow with you". Rue nods in agreement and we all head upstairs.

"can you tell us what happened, it will help us understand", Rue doesn't sound like she's pushing me to tell her but she definitely is dying to know. i think for a second before taking a deep breath. "okay so...".

it took me about an hour to fully explain, when i finish Elliot and Rue are sat there, quiet, frozen. "i'm so sorry", Elliot whispers. "he was trying to protect his home and family", i smile for the first time in a month remembering the night he pulled me away from the bathroom was following me bathroom, how he was protecting me from day 1. my smile faded though when i remember his face as the laser trailed up his face. i shiver at the thought.

Rue wraps her arms around me and holds me tight. "it will be okay", everyone says that.....

*the next day*

i wake up to the sound of babies crying, for the 121st day in a row. i'm starting to like it though. Rue and Elliot roll over and look at me, "i know i'll get them", i laugh slightly looking at their faces, obviously not used to the crying.

after calming the babies and making myself a coffee i go back into my room. i look at a photo of me and Ash on my bedside table and here come the tears again. it's his birthday, i miss him. Rue sits up and looks over at me, "Kenz what's wrong?", she stands up and gives me a hug, "is it cause of his birthday?". i nod. she doesn't say anything just tightens her grip on me.

after a few moments she steps back, "let me order some food".

she orders us all some McDonald's breakfast and Elliot wakes up. we devoured the food and just watched TV for the rest of the day. i didn't feel like doing anything.

at the end of the day Elliot and Rue left. i didn't want to be by myself so i took the twins and went to Maddy's room. "when is it gonna end", i asked sitting down on her bed, "what do you mean?", she looked confused. "the sadness, the grief, the missing him", i sigh and lay down next to her. "i don't know Kenzie, it might not stop, we're all here for you though and we'll always help with the baby". she hugged me and looked over at the twins, "i know your struggling but you need to do everything you can for these kids, you know what it's like for your dad to die". fuck. i looked over at my babies, i can see Ash in them. "yeah, i'm gonna give them the best life i can".

i fell asleep in Maddy's bed, for the first time in a month i had a full nights sleep without having nightmares of his body dropping to the floor. is this it, is this the first step of feeling better?

the end.