Sirius Expelled

Sirius Expelled Part 2

When Sirius awoke the next morning all he felt was dazed. His body was sore and his calves were throbbing in pain. Confused, he looked around. He wasn't at Hogwarts. He was at home. Suddenly, he shot up and yanked his sleeve up. There it was. Dark, formidable, and ugly. The Mark. It was real.
"No, no, no!" Sirius muttered, panicked.
He let out a quiet yell of frustration, careful not to not let anyone hear.. In one swift movement, he threw himself out of bed and ran to his bathroom.
Turning on the water, he grabbed the bar of soap and a spiked brush, and started scrubbing frantically at his arm. He tore at his skin, desperately trying to erase the mark. His skin began turning pink and then red. The mark didn't fade. It shone, black as ever, and laughed, tauntingly at Sirius. In a fit of frustration, Sirius flung the brush as hard as he could against the wall. With a loud sound it fell to the floor and Sirius froze. It was loud, much too loud. In fear, he waited to see if his mother would come down and see what was happening. After two minutes of terrifying silence, he decided it was clear. Looking down on his arm he flinched. It was glowing red, with splotches of a deeper red. It burned but the mark hadn't faded one bit. His skin stung and Sirius collapsed to the ground, falling to his knees. He buried his head in his hands.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it! I'm sorry!" he cried softly, to nobody in particular. "I wasn't strong enough to resist. I couldn't."
The mark's dark ink mocked Sirius's efforts and he gave up. Sirius began searching through his pockets for his wand. But it was missing. His heart jumped as he realized it wasn't there.
"What the heck?" he whispered, desperately. "Where is it?"
Jumping up, Sirius ran back to his room. He began rummaging around his bags, looking around frantically. It wasn't in any of his robes, none of his trunks, not his desk. He hadn't used it since... Since lessons before he'd let Remus's secret out. And suddenly, Sirius understood. He took a deep breath and turned towards the door. His heartbeat began to pick up and terror filled his blood. He took a step forward, and paused again. After taking a moment to himself, Sirius built up the courage to open the door. With shaking hands, he slowly turned the doorknob and opened the door. The house was silent as Sirius creeped out of his room.
"Mum?" he whispered into the hallway.
No response.
"Gryffindor brave." Sirius whispered to himself. "Be Gryffindor brave."
With that, he began making his way down the stairs. His footsteps sounded loud in the mysterious silence. Sirius winced as his calves throbbed from the strain of the walking. He began to hear his mothers voice come into range. She was talking to Orion about something Sirius couldn't make out. He heard his name, and then Regulus's.
"Mum?" Sirius said, walking into the kitchen.
He wished his voice didn't sound so scared.
"Mum? Where's my wand?"
Sirius tried to put more bravery into his voice.
Walburga looked up and raised an eyebrow. She snorted and rolled her eyes.
"I took it." she said, like it was obvious.
"Yes, I know. Why?"
"Because, Sirius. You are my son. I know what you'll get up with your wand. Until I can trust you, I will have it."
Anger sparked in Sirius's chest, but he knew he couldn't say anything. He knew better than to cross his mother, especially on something so trivial. With nothing else to say, he turned and left, back to his room. He climbed the stairs and shut the door, making sure to not let it slam. He looked around his room, wanting to find something to destroy, to break. When he found nothing, he gave up, collapsing on his bed.
Sirius was so tired. Tired of the guilt that rattled in his brain. Tired of the torture and abuse he dealt with at home. Tired of dealing with his explosive, ticking time bomb of a mother he had. Tired of fighting for himself, when nobody was fighting for him.
With no more fight left in his, Sirius transformed into Padfoot. As Padfoot the feelings changed. He was relaxed. The exhaustion had been replaced by a bright energy. And he no longer felt a need to fight.

It had been a week since Sirius had been given the Mark. In that week he'd pulled three pranks on the army, and had a new cut forming a scar across his left cheek, stopping just before his eye.
'Just like Remus.' he thought.
He carefully dabbed some muggle ointment Remus had given him after seeing his cuts from winter break, wincing as it stung. He gave a faint smile after remembering the screams of surprise at the latest planning dinner, as dungbombs had gone off all under the table. The smile turned to a grimace as he remembered the pain Walburga had inflicted on him after all the guests had left. She'd decided she wanted something more... Permanent, then the ones left on his calves. Something more visible.
Putting down the ointment, Sirius turned and looked at his walls with a pang of longing. The familiar Gryffindor banners that stuck to the walls gave him a melancholy feeling. He sat on his bed and slumped against it, feeling the tassels move softly across his fingertips.
"Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs." he whispered. "The Marauders."
Lying his head back, he shut his eyes and recalled his favorite memories. The first prank they had come up with. His kiss with Remus on his birthday. The relaxing, warm times on the lawn. The adrenaline from soaring around the Quidditch Fields. And again, he was hit with a wave of sadness. That he would never feel like that again. Sirius pulled himself up and began scrambling for parchment and a quill.
"Remus. Remus." he said to himself, desperate.
Gripping the quill tightly, he began to scribble away. A message for Remus. An apology. An admission of guilt. And a need for help. He wrote and wrote, the ink staining his fingers as he wrote faster than his brain could compromise. He let his fingers take over and let his mind go blank. Page after page he wrote, knowing there was nothing else he could do. He was locked up in his room, and had nothing to take his attention away. When he was finally finished, he looked down at the letter.
Remus,
It's me, Sirius. I love you. I always have. Please, please forgive me. I didn't mean to hurt you. But I hurt everyone I come in contact with. I'm so broken. You were my healer. And now you're gone. But it's all my fault. I need redemption. I need healing. I need help. I can't keep going like this. She's going to kill me, I know it. I just can't do this. I'm not as strong as you. I couldn't say no. It hurt too much. I wasn't strong enough to do the right thing. Not apologize to you well enough, not to keep your secret from Snape, not to say no to joining Voldemort. I don't deserve to be a Marauder. But I am one. Please, forgive me. I would do anything. You're my Moony. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing but my brokenness.
Sirius pulled himself out of his words as tears filled his eyes. He didn't remember writing the words, but they were true. So true. He had poured out his soul into these words. He sat back, shaken by the truth he hadn't been able to explain until now. With trembling hands he took the papers, counting them. Seven. He carefully ordered and folded them, sealing them into an envelope. For later reading. No sooner had he shut the letter away in his desk when he heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs that he immediately recognized as Walburga. His heart skipped and he shut his eyes, preparing for the worst.
'Please pass right by. Please go further.' he hoped to himself.
It wasn't to be. Sirius heard the sound of a key turning in the lock. His stomach twisted into knots and he braced himself as the door swung open. Walburga stepped into the room and looked at Sirius, who quickly stood from his chair and bowed his head, staring at the ground.
"Dinner is about to start. The Dark Lord will be coming over again. He has something planned for you." Walburga boomed, making Sirius flinch against his will. "You will not say a word against him.
Sirius stared at the ground as Walburga studied him.
"You will do whatever mission you are assigned, do you understand?"
'No. Never.'
Sirius nodded to her, stiff and frozen to the spot.
"No funny business, do you hear me? I'm serious."
"No, I'm Sirius."
The natural response he'd used so often at Hogwarts, flew out of his mouth before he could stop himself. Fear dilated in his eyes as rage filled Walburga.
"You'll pay for that!" she snapped, stepping close to him.
She raised an arm and struck him across the face. Sirius sucked in air as his head was thrown to the side. The cut that was just starting to heal, burst into a sting of pain. As his head rang, she slapped him again, to the same spot, the force throwing Sirius to the ground. A thin, metallic taste of blood filled his mouth and he spat it out, trying to calm the pounding in his head. His cheek was filled with flames and stung like a bee sting. Sirius kept his head down, not wanting to show the pain he felt.
"You will say nothing of that sort tonight! In fact, you'll say nothing at all." Walburga snapped. "Silencio!"
'For Godric's sake, again?' he yelled internally.
'Don't say that word! She'll torture you again!" another voice yelled at him. 'You can't use Gryffindor words like that!'
Sirius glared at his mother in silence, terror pooling in his stomach.
"When you take this mission, there will be no pranks. You won't rebel. You will be a model Black heir. Or else."
Sirius clenched his teeth in anger but still could say nothing. Disgusted, he stayed where he was, fighting the urge to try and argue, though he couldn't speak.
Sirius wanted to rebel. He wanted to be a Marauder. But he didn't have the bravery. The bravery he should've had from being in Gryffindor. But his fear of his mother was greater than his want for bravery and courage. Slowly, he followed his mother down the stairs. At the bottom, he stood up, squared his shoulders, and morphed his face into one of disgust. He couldn't speak, but he would let people see his feelings. His anger, disgust, annoyance, and everything else. As he followed Walburga into the dinning room, he saw suspicious eyes on him. After all the pranks he had pulled, he had no surprise there. He sat to the left of Walburga and to the right of his cousin, Narcissa. She looked at him, pushing her silvery hair out of her eyes.
"Sirius. You finally joined the Dark Lord. Since when have you changed?"
Sirius glared at her and tried to speak, before remembering he couldn't. Narcissa raised her eyes and smirked, understanding what happened.
"What happened? Cat got your tongue?" she teased.
Sirius shot her a murderous glare, so much that she flinched away, turning to her husband, Lucius. With a roll of his eyes, he averted his glance to his lap. Conversations flirted around his head, but Sirius zoned out. Courses of food went to and from the table, compliments of the stupid house-elf, Kreacher. Luckily, Walburga didn't force Sirius to interact, likely due to the fact that he couldn't speak. He didn't eat a bite from the table, and stared at the tablecloth through the entire meal. At the end of the meal, the Dark Lord finally showed up. He strode in and the conversations went silent. The entire table put down their silverware and stood, bowing their heads at him. Sirius followed, delayed and staring daggers at him.
"Hello." Voldemort said, his voice cool and soft. "You may sit."
Everybody around the table sat back down, watching him.
"Sirius Black." the command came.
Sirius flinched slightly, but didn't lift his gaze.
An uneasy silence filled the room with Sirius's defiance. Walburga jabbed him in the side, making Sirius slightly winded. Sirius clenched his jaw and looked up, unable to stop the daggers that were stabbing out of his eyes. The Dark Lord looked shocked but not angry.
"Feisty. Courageous. Strong. You'll make a good soldier, Sirius Black."
At this point Walburga flashed Sirius with a look. Resisting the urge to stalk off he grit his teeth and didn't move.
"We have a mission. An attack planned. This is the time to truly prove your loyalty. Your parents promised me that you would be a perfect soldier. I gave you the mark because I trusted you. Now it's time to show I made the right decision. You will join the group planning on attacking Diagon Alley."
He couldn't speak but he wanted to scream.
"Now Sirius, I can trust you, correct?" the Dark Lord asked.
Everyone at the table watched him, as Sirius stared at him, blankly.
"Sirius?"
He couldn't speak. Obviously he didn't have his voice, but he didn't know what to say either. He wanted to yell no, to refuse, but he knew he had to say yes. Or else. The room was silent as everyone watched him. Walburga rolled her eyes and pulled out her wand, muttering something under her breath. Suddenly Sirius felt his voice return and he found it. Still, he said nothing, having no more words.
"Sirius, do not embarrass me right now." Walburga whispered.
Sirius shut his eyes for a moment, feeling tears prickle in his eyes as he knew what he was going to say. And in the silence of the room, he said only one word.

End of Part 2