Sirius Expelled

Sirius Expelled: Part 23

Hi! I know it's been a bit, but my life has gotten really hectic but I'm settling down again! I've been saving this chapter for November 6th for a reason, so thanks for waiting!

So Remus is making a return! Also, keep in mind, he knows almost nothing about what's happening with Sirius and Regulus, along with the whole Death Eater thing, so just please be kind to him!

Remus didn't know how he was supposed to feel. November 3rd, 1977. Sirius's birthday. He was angry, hurt, broken down, his feelings raw and exposed.

"I hate you." he thought. "I love you. I hate everything about you. I love everything about you."

At one point, Sirius had saved him. At another, he'd betrayed him.

Every year, on Sirius's birthday, the marauders went completely all out. And this year... It was silent. Completely silent. The three remaining boys sat in an awkward, tense atmosphere, nobody ready to address the elephant in the room. The fact that normally they would stand Sirius up and sing happy birthday to him in front of the entire school while he would crow with laughter. Remus felt the girls staring at them through every meal and emotion built under his skin until he exploded at the only person he could. James.

"Why do you have to keep sneaking out!" he finally shouted. "Just- stop! I know you're doing it but you know you don't have to keep it a secret. Stop treating me like I'm an idiot because I know what you're doing!"

James honestly didn't deserve to have Remus shout at him but Remus didn't care. He was angry at the entire world and James was taking the brunt of his feelings.

"Remus, I know this is hard for you but-"

He went completely silent as Remus hurled his book at James and let out a cry of anger as it missed him. But when James looked up, he didn't look hurt.

"Just- stop treating me like I'm made of glass! I'm not. I'm strong, I'm strong, I'm fine! Everyone walks on eggshells when they're around me and I can't stand it!" Remus cried but his voice was beginning to break. "I'm strong enough, I'm fine!"

"Moony," James said, his voice gentle as he let the cloak fall to the ground as he headed to Remus's bed.

"I-I don't care about what happened with him. It doesn't-doesn't mean anything." he said, swallowing hard as tears sprung to his eyes. "It doesn't mean anything. He deserves it. He deserves everything that he's done."

"Okay." James agreed but Remus knew he was lying.

He didn't even know if he was talking to himself or James, he was just talking.

"I mean, he wasn't good, not ever. He did-he did that, and then he joined Voldemort and-and he wasn't ever good. He was just-just using us." Remus continued, desperately, trying to convince himself that he believed his own words.

Without responding, James sat down on Remus's bed and put an arm around his friend. Remus sat there, unmoving for several moments as he fought his emotions, before giving in. He collapsed onto James's arm, tears running tracks down his face. A small sob tore out of his throat as he curled tightly to James, the other boy hugging him tightly.

"Why'd he do it?" Remus asked, his voice barely a whisper but James heard it.

Time stretched on and Remus had all but given up on James responding but he finally spoke, his voice soft but kind.

"I- I don't know. But he loved you. I know that was true."

"I can't love him anymore."

"You don't have to."

Remus didn't respond as he quietly cried into James's arms. He didn't get up, didn't make any move to leave for the girl he was meeting, and Remus didn't remind him of her. Maybe it was selfish, but he wanted James to himself, just for a short time, because he didn't have anyone just for himself. He hadn't, not since Sirius had hurt him.