Sirius Expelled

Sirius Expelled Part 6

Everything changed in December. Because in December, Winter Break happened. Not only was it Sirius's first Christmas with his family since the partial break in his first year, Regulus was coming home. Reggie. Sirius's younger brother. Sirius used to long for the love of his brother, but now he didn't know how his relationship would hold up. But he was ready. Walburga refused to let Sirius go with her and Orion to pick him up. Something about not wanting him to see James, Peter, Remus, the blood-traitors. So Sirius stayed home while his parents visited the platform for his brother. The front door opened and Sirius heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Loud clunks of a trunk falling to the ground were heard from Regulus's room. Sirius was nervous but he was desperate to see his younger brother. He left his room and walked to Regulus's door, swallowing hard. Sirius knocked gently on the door and from the small gasp that left Regulus's mouth, he scared him. Slowly the door opened and Regulus visibly relaxed when he realized it was only Sirius. His eyes flicked over Sirius's face, furrowing at his scar but saying nothing.
    "Hi Sirius." he said, slightly blunt. "What do you need from me?"
    "Reggie," Sirius breathed. "You're safe."
    "What?" Regulus asked. "Safe from what?"
    Sirius's heart stopped. Regulus didn't know. He didn't know.
    "Sirius, safe from what?" Regulus repeated.
    Sirius shut his eyes and took a breath, his stomach curling in discomfort. Slowly, he reached down and pulled up his sleeve. Regulus gasped and his jaw dropped in shock.
    "You-you took the Mark? But you're underage! And you would never? Why?"
    Sirius raised his eyebrows in response.
    "Oh."
    Regulus went quiet, terror biulding in his eyes.
    "She tortured you, didn't she?" he asked, softly. "Is-is she going to do it to me too?"
    "I won't let it happen." Sirius responded, firmly. "I won't."
    Slowly he stepped forward and hugged Regulus tightly.
    "I'm going to protect you, okay?" he whispered in his ear. "I won't let her get to you. I just won't."
    "Okay." Regulus whispered back, his voice small. "Okay."
    "Regulus!" Walburga's cry came from down the stairs. "Your father and I need to talk to you!"
    Fear filled Regulus's eyes and Sirius cringed, wanting to protect his brother. But Regulus shook his head and pushed past Sirius, lifting his shoulders and standing strong. He slowly walked down the stairs to greet their parents, leaving Sirius alone, again. Sirius headed back to his room, not knowing what to do. Everything felt... Different. Regulus being home was only temporary, but now Sirius felt that he not only had to watch out for himself, but also for his little brother. He heard the low tone of his mother's voice, and her cry of "Levicorpus!". Regulus let out a weak, pitiful wail of pain and suddenly he wasn't Regulus, but Remus. Remus's wail of fear and pain as he transformed in front of Snape. His scream had echoed down the tunnel and never left Sirius's thoughts. It broke his heart in a stabbing pain, something that clawed his heart to shreds more than Remus's claws.
    "Moony." Sirius said, outloud. "Moony."
    For two months Sirius had hardened his heart, keeping back any rebellious thoughts of Remus, the marauders, and being a Gryffindoor. It had kept him safe until now. But now, with Regulus being home, Sirius had remembered his forced feeling of protecting him. Regulus's footsteps began coming up the stairs, more subdued than when he'd gone down. Sirius immediately went to check on him. Regulus had a hollow look in his eyes and shook his head at Sirius.
    "Not right now, Sirius." he said, shutting the door behind him.
    Heading back to his respective room, Sirius sat back at his desk,  not knowing what to say. He looked at his shut door and sighed. His head was full of thoughts but he couldn't form them into words. Between mixed feelings of Regulus and Remus, he was lost and confused. For the millionth time he looked at the Mark that stained his forearm. Each time he saw it he felt his stomach roll with an uneasy, sick feeling of guilt and regret. Sirius was drowning, and he couldn't tell if Regulus was pulling him up to or down from the surface. He had a brotherly duty to protect Regulus, but sometimes it felt impossible. Regulus was the only person he had left in his life. Even though it hurt, even though it was hard, he would protect Regulus. Remus had been strong, so would Sirius.
    He stood up and headed to Regulus's room. Nerves spiked in his stomach but even if Regulus didn't want him, he probably needed him.
"Reggie?" he whispered, knocking lightly on the door. "Reggie, are you there?"
    "Go away, Sirius." Regulus muttered, but Sirius could tell he'd been crying.
    Sirius hesitated, but slowly opened the door.     Regulus was sitting on his bed, his face buried in his legs. Silently, Sirius sat down next to him and Regulus looked up, his eyes red.
    "I hate it here." he whispered, choking on a sob.
    "I know. So do I." Sirius responded.
    "What's wrong with her? Why does she torture us like this? What kind of mother does that?"
"I-I don't know. But she's not a good one. She never has been."
Regulus flinched.
"I've known. But it's still hard to hear."
After a mild hesitation, Sirius slowly hugged Regulus. His brother hugged him back and for a brief moment, neither boy was alone.
"Sirius Black!" Walburga's voice sent a wave of fear through both brothers.
Sirius flinched but pulled away from Regulus.
"I have to go." he whispered.
Regulus nodded and Sirius turned out the door. With one last glance at his beloved brother, he headed down to face his mother.
"Mum?" he asked.
"Sirius." Walburga said, sparing him a glance. "We haven't had any fun since the attack on Diagon Alley."
His stomach turned.
"We have a new mission from the Dark Lord. We're going to plan a little attack."
    "An attack?" Sirius questioned. "On who?"
    "On whom. Proper grammar, Sirius!" Walburga corrected. "And it's just a couple of mudbloods."
    "Well, why?" Sirius chided.
    "Why? Because they're mudbloods of course."
    Sirius went silent. Muggleborns were just as much witches and wizards as the Sacred 28 Purebloods. But if he said a word of these thoughts to his mother, his torture would be unbareable. So he kept his mouth shut and his gaze steady, meeting his mother's eyes. She was studying his reactions with a cruel, twisted smile on her face.
    "You may leave."
    Sirius fumed back to his room, gritting his teeth in an attempt to quiet the scream building in his chest. He cast a quick silencing charm at his door before punching his wall as he let out the scream of frustration and fury. It went on and on as he slammed his hand back to the wall again. He took a couple deep breaths to regulate himself, and removed his silencing charm and repaired his wall. Falling to the ground, he buried his head in his hands, resting them on his knees. Sirius was just so tired of fighting. He was tired of struggling like this. He didn't want to fight like this. He didn't want to be a Death Eater, nor a villain. He was full of anger and desperation.
    "Calm down." he muttered to himself. "Control yourself."
    Sirius locked his body as tightly as he could, shaking. He'd felt this before, this lost, sickening feeling of knowing he was gone and couldn't stop it. Sirius had gone through it before. Right when he told Snape how to find Remus's secret. And that horrible, dreaded feeling from his stomach that took over every fiber of his being until he couldn't think.
    "Godric," he whispered. "What's wrong with me?"
    Slowly, Sirius breathed, because it was the only thing he had strength to do. As he focused on the sound of his breath, his door opened. His head snapped up and felt a wave of panic that was quickly doused by relief. It was only Regulus.
    "Sirius?"
    His voice was little, broken and scared.
    "Sirius, are you okay?"
    "No." Sirius whispered. "No, I'm not."
    Regulus sat down beside him and wrapped an arm around his brother's shoulders.
    "Did she ask you to go attack the Mudbloods?"
    "Muggleborns." Sirius corrected. "And yes."
    "Right, muggleborns. Me too." Regulus said.
    There was a silent pause between the two brothers as they both understood what the other said.
    "I don't want to be evil, Sirius." Regulus said.
    "Me neither." Sirius responded.
After a moment of silence he added something else.
"I don't have choice now, since I have the Mark. But you, Regulus. You have a chance. I want you to be safe. We-we could find a way for you to escape, for you to leave!"
"How, Sirius?" Regulus said, his voice hollow and given up. "She'll never let me escape."
"She's got me. Her heir. She, well, she doesn't need you. You could escape and be free."
"Sirius you know I can't."
"I just want you to be safe. You're my brother. I need you to be safe. Fo my good and for yours."
"What good, Sirius?"
Regulus was mad now. He was sick and tired of Sirius ever hopeful adittuide. Although Sirius had begun to give up any hope of being freed, he was still wanted to help his brother.
"You're a Death Eater!" Regulus continued, his anger breaking free. "I'm a Slytherin. We have no good."
"I am good! I-"
"You got expelled from school, Sirius. You did something bad. Something bad enough to get you expelled. But something so bad they couldn't tell us what it was."
Regulus's words cut Sirius's heart like shards of glass.
"Regulus, I made a mistake! I didn't-"
"You're friends refuse to mention you. It's like you never existed. No one dares to even mutter your name in fear of that boy. James Potter. He fights anyone who even brings you up. Merlin, he wouldn't talk to the love of his life, Lily Potter, for a week, when she tried to pry about it! You did something, Sirius. You did something, weather you meant to or didn't."
Sirius couldn't breathe as Regulus's cruel words twisted around his mind.
"Regulus." he whispered, his voice breaking. "Regulus, please. Don't."
"Stop all this talk about being good, Sirius. You're far from good. If you were good you wouldn't have that Mark on your arm."
"You have no idea what I suffered through before being forced to get this Mark." Sirius's voice was ice cold as he met Regulus's steely gaze. "You didn't suffer the way I did. But it's not like you'd ever understand that. I took the blunt of everything that our mother threw at us. I protected you from all the rounds of curses she sent. All the cruel words she snapped that I endured, so you wouldn't. I did everything for you!"
The two boys glared daggers at each other, both furious at each other.
"Get out, Regulus." Sirius said.
Panic flashed in Regulus's eyes, mixed between apologetic and angry.
"Sirius," he started but Sirius cut him off.
"Get out."
Regulus stared at his brother for several seconds, before turning on his heel. He lifted his head and stomped out of the room, leaving Sirius alone.
"It was supposed to be better with you." Sirius whispered, his anger turning to sadness. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. Regulus, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
Everything in Sirius's life felt so out of control and he'd taken out his stress on the only person he had left. His fight had left his exhausted, a feeling he d come to know all too well. So, like he did with all of his feelings, all of his stress, he fell to his only friend. Sleep. The thing that gave him energy and the feeling of joy. Even if the joy was false, from dreams and memories, it made him feel something. And that was exactly what Sirius needed. An escape.
But while Sirius slept, he wasn't given a single happy thought. He had a numb, dreamless sleep, empty of the happiness he was pursing. He didn't have a dream of Remus and the marauders. He didn't have a dream of Regulus. Instead, all he could see was the face of the young witch he had fought in Diagon Alley. The fear in her eyes that terrified him. The fear that made him feel like he was truly a villian. Her whimpers of pain mixed with the screams of fear that echoed around the alley. And the sounds mixed again. Suddenly Remus was screaming, howling at Snape and James to leave him as he transformed. The horrible sound of his bones breaking and snapping as he became his werewolf. The cacophony of screams broke the fiber of Sirius's heart and his voice joined the other cries of pain. He woke up screaming, drenched in a cold sweat.
"Sirius, quiet down!" Walburga's screech came from downstairs.
Sirius struggled for his breath, fighting to calm his racing heart. Gritting his teeth he shut his mouth before going limp on his bed. He didn't have the energy to deal with Regulus or his parents. So he stayed in his bed, somewhere in a subconscious mindset. Time moved but Sirius couldn't tell what was happening. He skipped the meals with his family, opting for the small bits of food Regulus snuck to him. Neither of them said a word. Sirius was sick, not physically but mentally. But on Christmas Eve, as he was staring numbly out his window, his door opened again.
"Mum wants you for dinner." Regulus said, blankly. "You need to change into dress robes and come downstairs.
Sirius blinked, trying to comprehend his words. With a nod, he pulled himself out of his bed.
"Sirius, I-I'm sorry about what happened."
He cut his brother off.
"Reggie, I don't want to talk about it, okay? It's fine, just-just leave it be. Please."
"Okay." Regulus said, leaving the room.
Sirius began to change into his black dress robes, grimincing as he noticed emerald green and silver linings. No doubt another sign of Walburga trying to convince him that he was a Slytherin. Knotting the tie, he opened the door to be surprised by Regulus, who was waiting. They locked eyes before turning around and heading down the stairs in silence. Sirius quickly fixed his messy hair, living up to the standards of the Blacks. Both boys took a deep breath before entering the room with their parents.
"Sit down boys. The family is coming soon." Walburga snapped.
"The family? Who?" Sirius asked in a horse voice.
His vocal cords weren't used to the talking that he hadn't done for nearly three days.
"Bellatrix, Narcissa and her husband Lucius, Rodolphus. Just them for now."
Sirius went silent, feeling the nerves rise in his stomach again.
"Neither of you will embarrass me tonight." Walburga continued. "I expect both of you to be perfect Black's tonight. Do you understand?"
Sirius and Regulus nodded and took their seats on either side of Walburga just as several loud cracks of Apperation rang from outside the front door. The door burst open and Bellatrix and Rodolphus were in the house. Her thick black curls were thrown to the side and she had an emerald green dress on. A slightly insane smile spread across her face.
"Aunt Walburga. Happy Christmas Eve."
Walburga nodded her head as Narcissa and Lucius appeared from behind Bellatrix. She raised her eyes as she took in the newlyweds.
"Happy Christmas you two." she stated.
Sirius tuned out his family as they began chatter about the Dark Lord and all the news about muggleborns (though they were calling them something different and worse), and everything else Sirius dispised.
"So are you ready for tomorrow?"
Bellatrix was talking in Sirius's ear, her hair tickling his skin. He moved away, disgusted.
"Why, what's tomorrow?" he replied, annoyed.
"Oh, did you not know? The attack on the mudbloods is happening."
"What? Already?! But it's Christmas!" Sirius exclaimed.
He'd raised his voice a bit too much and suddenly everyone was looking at him.
"Apologies." he said stiffly, gritting his teeth. "I meant, why are we wasting our Christmas on them?"
Walburga gave him a stern look but Bellatrix responded before she could say anything.
"Why, to ruin their Christmas, of course."
Sirius felt the familiar guilt rising again. He wasn't ready to attack anyone again. He couldn't. He was terrified of the feeling that he was causing harm. The world seemed to spin in his panic and he did everything he could to push it down. Tensing his shoulders, Sirius hunched over in his seat to hide himself.
"And of course, you're coming too, aren't you Regulus?"
Sirius and Regulus both shot up in their seats at the same moment from Bellatrix's words. She grinned, enjoying their panic. Regulus met Sirius's eyes and the icy barrier that had formed melted away in the moment of fear. Regulus knitted his brow and Sirius shook his head.
"You have to say yes." he mouthed. "Trust me."
Terror in his eyes, Regulus replied the affirmative as Sirius's brain started running different ways to stop it. He couldn't let Regulus hurt or kill anyone. It would ruin his little brother. But he also knew it was hopeless, that he had to let it happen because here, at his house, Sirius was powerless against the outer forces. He had no control over anything in his life anymore, let alone Regulus's. The dinner progressed with Sirius lost in thought the entire time. He could barely understand when people talked to him, and eventually was excused to his room. Not two minutes after he'd left, Regulus turned up in his room.
"Sirius, I can't do it!" he yelped, pacing the floor.
Sirius was slumped on the ground, trying to think.
"I know, Regulus. But... But you might have to. There's nothing we can do. You said so yourself."
"I know." Regulus said. "I'm scared though."
Sirius looked up just in time to see a single tear spill in over Regulus's eyelid.
"I know you're scared. I am too. Come here."
Regulus moved to the ground and curled up next to Sirius.
"I'm sorry I was such a jerk the other day." Regulus whispered.
"I'm sorry too. It wasn't fair to you either. I'm just tired and mad at her."
"Me too."
"We're going to get through this, okay?" Sirius reassured his brother.
Regulus didn't respond.
"Reggie, we're going to get through this. I promise."
"Okay." Regulus whispered. "Okay."

End of Part 6