Sirius Expelled

Sirius Expelled Part 19

TW: panic attack, mentions of torture, semi implied abuse and self loathing. Also, Jegulus?

He'd hurt Sirius. He'd hurt Sirius. He'd hurt Sirius.

The words chanted a steady tune in Regulus's mind as he stepped through to Platform 9 and 3/4. He felt like crying, like sobbing as he stared with a blank face at the floor. Although his mind was tearing itself apart, screaming and raging, he kept himself steady as if nothing was going on. The train let out a sharp whistle and Regulus prepared to leave.

"Goodbye Mum. Goodbye Dad. I'll see you in the winter." he said, forcing a small smile and dipping his head.

"Goodbye Regulus." Walburga said, looking deep into Regulus's eyes, as if she could see into his mind and tear out every ounce of weakness. "Remember, Toujours Pur. Do not follow in the footsteps of your brother. You know the consequences."

Regulus nodded and carefully carried his trunk onto the train. The second he was out of his mother's watchful gaze his mask dropped. His shoulders slouched, the tears brimmed in his eyes, each step was heavy with guilt weighing him down. His stomach rolled and he thought he was going to throw up. The air in his lungs was seemingly evaporating as he gasped for fresh air. Throwing himself into an empty compartment, he sat down, shaking. His fingers gripped the edge of his seat as he desperately fought the panic in his stomach, the sickness and the nausea rushing over him.

"Black! How was your summer?" Evan Rosier asked, opening the door with a wide grin on his face.

"Get out." Regulus forced out as he felt the choking presence of fear curl over him, the air thick and heavy.

"What?"

"Are you deaf? Can you hear me? Get out!" he snapped, his voice getting more desperate and wild as he frantically tried to push down to panic for just a bit longer. He just needed to be alone. "Now, you idiot!"

"Okay, okay, we're leaving. Salazar, what's wrong with you?" Evan complained, turning and leaving, ushering Barty, Dorcas and Pandora away.

It was a good thing that he did because the panic finally overcame Regulus and he lost control.

"What is wrong with you? What is wrong with you?" Regulus's brain screamed at him as he sat with his legs pressed tightly to his chest.

Tears were building in his eyes as he felt the overwhelming panic settling that he was finding harder and harder to control. Regulus was gasping for air, He sobbed into his knees, breaking down further than he ever had before. Because he had taken it further than ever before. This wasn't a random little girl he'd hurt, it was his brother, his protector. Sirius. His breath hitched and suddenly he found himself gasping for air, like he was being choked. He couldn't breath, the oxygen was pulling itself out of his lungs and strangling him.

"Re-Regulus?"

Somewhere in the midst of building panic he heard his name, gentle and soft. But it still terrified him and he winced. Looking around, confused, his eyes landed on a blurry figure. James. James Potter. The boy that Regulus had formerly despised because he'd taken all of Sirius's care and attention. Not that it affected him anymore because Sirius was at home and they were at Hogwarts. But Regulus couldn't say anything, he didn't know why James was here, but he also was too busy trying to breathe to deal with it.

"Hey," James's voice was soft and suddenly he was right next to Regulus, who flinched away, trying to escape, panic sparking down his spine as he tried to move. "Hey, Regulus, talk to me. Talk to me, okay. What's going on?"

The tears were pouring down his face by now and he could barely speak because when he opened his mouth the wails threatened to break free. But he tried because it was the least he could do.