Sirius Expelled

Sirius Expelled: Part 32

A shorter but definitely important chapter. Very James and Sirius centric. As always, please hear James out and remember that he's a grieving, hurt, broken person who is barely out of school. Also, thank you so much for all the recent support on this fic, it means so much to me!

If you really want to suffer, listen to "this is me trying" by Taylor Swift while reading.

TW's: minor violence (tbh if you're reading this you should be fine) and self-harm references. It looks light but it's definitely angsty chapter!

Take care and I hope to be back in 5-10 days!

Sirius and Remus went home after the meeting. They didn't speak about what happened. Instead, Remus made lunch and Sirius sat in the backyard, slowly breathing in the warm summer air. His mind was filled with a mix of emotions, mainly guilt rolling around in his skin.

James's words rang in his ears but he slowly breathed in and out, his hands making tight fists as he tried to stay calm. Eventually, Remus brought him a plate and sat down next to him. They sat in silence, eating quietly as words bubbled beneath the surfaces of their minds.

Both of the boys knew that they were hurting. Sirius felt exposed, overly open and weak while Remus felt conflicted about Sirius and his feelings. As a result, neither of them spoke.

The air outside was hot and Sirius shut his eyes, feeling the air on his skin sting. He was still in a long sleeve shirt, unwilling to show his Mark or scars to anybody. Remus was doing the same, in his own light jumper that hid the scars across his own skin. Both were so similar and yet so different, out of sorts with each other.

"Do you want to go to the shops?" Remus finally asked after over two hours of silence. "I feel like it would just be better than waiting."

To be honest, Sirius was surprised that Remus was even talking to him. He would've preferred to do something to fix their relationship but he would take a distraction if that's what Remus was offering.

"Okay." Sirius responded, quietly.

Remus stood up and took Sirius's hand, pulling him to his feet. They silently went inside, Remus grabbing his wallet and shoes before heading out the door. Together, they walked several blocks to the nearest Muggle shops.

Together, Remus and Sirius began to select a new wardrobe, mostly from the clearance section. It was difficult from an awkward silence and Sirius's anxieties. Two years. It had been two years since he'd done anything like this. Everything was loud, bustling and overwhelming. But one by one, they figured it out.

Band t-shirts, muggle ripped jeans and a leather jacket that Sirius had always stared at in muggle magazines at school. They even found small gold earrings in the shape of stars.

As they shopped, the tension between them didn't quite fade, but instead, shifted. Both boys pretended like the meeting hadn't happened, ignoring their feelings because that's all they could do. Remus took Sirius into another shop and got his ear pierced, his former ones closing when he went home. This time went much better, more professional than thirteen year-old James using a needle and an ice-cube in the Gryffindor bathroom.

But the day couldn't last forever. After a couple of hours, Sirius was exhausted. He hadn't left his house in years and he was completely wrecked from emotions and the motions through the day. When they returned from the shops, Sirius collapsed on the couch and fell asleep.

It couldn't have been more than an hour when Sirius half woke up to the phone ringing. Remus picked it up and Sirius shut his eyes again, trying to go to sleep but his ears caught the words before he could fall back into a blissful ignorance.