Sirius Expelled

Sirius Expelled: Part 29

James again! His poor soul, this chapter is really hard for him.

TW's: panic attack, mental breakdown, grief, slight mention of drugging (forcing a character that was freaking out to go to sleep and a lot of angst.

After Winter Break, Regulus Black never returned to Hogwarts. For the first week of school, James frantically looked for him, as Remus pretended not to know why. All Break he had been awash with guilt. He needed to speak to Regulus again. When it could be just the two of them. He'd been ice-cold on the train ride but James knew that Regulus went cold when he was hurting. If James could just apologise then he would make it better. But Regulus was missing. It was familiar, too familiar, as if he'd dropped off the face of the Earth, the same was Sirius had vanished.. It was too unknowing when it came to Walburga and Orion Black. A million possibilities ran through his mind. Regulus might've been tortured past his life for refusing to take the Mark, gotten the Mark and didn't return, got captured and sent to Azkaban, ran away from home, anything. James checked the Daily Prophet every day, desperately looking for news on Regulus.

Each day, he wore the necklace underneath his robes, praying for Regulus to return so he could give him the present and apologise. Until one day he found something. It was on the side of an article, the one place he dreaded seeing, on January 8th. Regulus's name in the obituary. James couldn't miss it.

On December 31, 1977, the youngest Black child, Regulus Arcturus Black the Second was reported dead. His parents have asked to be left alone and the cause of death has not been reported. The funeral took place on January 7th, 1978.

That was it. That was all James knew of Regulus. He died eight days ago and his funeral was yesterday.

James gripped the paper in one hand, grabbing the necklace around his neck with the other, his grip on each growing tighter and tighter as he fought for control of his panic. The metal dug into his hand as he tried to breath, the pain rushing into the tiny points of the silver.

"Mate, you good?" Remus asked, looking concerned at his friend.

"Fine." James forced out, his voice strained.

But as he spoke, he tugged harder on the necklace, his thumb stabbing into the gem when he suddenly felt it roll. The green gem slid off the metal bar and suddenly it was broken, Regulus detached from Leo. Gone. This small change completely shattered every barrier James had left. Panic was spiking his system and he was about to explode.

Tears were building in his eyes as he tried to force them back in a losing battle. The room seemed to be spinning, voices warped and mumbled. It was like cotton had been stuck into his mind as he stood, nearly collapsing in his dizziness. He was vaguely aware of his mouth hanging slightly open in shock. There were too many conflicting emotions, he was scared, in denial, regretful, heartbroken, confused, lost and so much more that he couldn't even name.

"Prongs, you might want to sit down. You look like you're going to be sick." Peter warned him.

Shaking his head, James took a step towards the door and suddenly the floor was rushing up to his face before stopping mere inches away from his eyes, blocked by his hands. His body was shaking like a boat in a storm, tossed around and crushed by waves of guilt and sorrow. The terror was choking him, filling his lungs with fear until it felt like he was drowning in it.

"James!" Remus yelped, rushing to his side and grabbing his arm as James gasped for air on his hands and knees, his gaze wavering.

But James couldn't hear Remus. His mind was running too fast, the information building as he tried to fight it. There was a loud echoing in his ears as his heart pumped blood, faster and faster.