Sweet Desire

18 Apology is not enough

In the darkness of my own room, I lay sprawled on the floor. The curtains on the fully open window flew high from the strong wind outside. My body covered only in thin pajamas was stabbed by the arctic—winter air. I should get up and shut the window, but I didn't move.

I couldn't. It felt like a dozen huge rocks had fallen from above and crushed me dead. It might have been nice, though, if it had happened in reality. To die young and beautiful, and everyone at my funeral would weep over how cruel life had been to me.

Hell was dearly waiting for me.

Because I've gone through life breaking every rule in the Bible. There was no meaning in my existence, and I was only ever concerned with myself and my pleasures. The priest of the church I attend every Sunday referred to such people as parasites.

Good thing, all of this is just pure bullshit.

Still a thought lingered—change yourself.

What if I don't want to?

There is not much I can do about it anyway.

My gaze drifted to the window, which tempted...

Perhaps—

You live on the first floor, stupid!

Yeah, what am I even thinking of? I'd never do that, especially not in front of that ugly naked tree.

Without any reason, I rolled across the floor like a log and found myself under my bed. It felt safe... and even cozy. Maybe I will stay to sleep here, didn't really want to lie down on the bed where Taemin was hemorrhaging. Uh just the vivid thought caused my face to screw up.

Sudden notification from my phone made me flinch. And in an instant a wide smile plastered on my face. Because it was a special notification. Notification from Winter. I've chosen a unique sound for her, so I would always know it's her.

I hurried to get out from under my bed, doing it so clumsily that I hit something with my head. Automatically, I picked it up and when I was on my feet, turned on the desk lamp.

A hand flew to my forehead. Damn. It was the package of fake ID, passport and other documents that I'd so thoughtlessly thrown under the bed in chapter six. I actually needed to buy tickets, and I hadn't even decided yet where I was going to hide from my father. Even so, just like the last time, I threw it away. I would think about it later.

Right now I was more interested in what Winter had texted to me.

"Did you find your home?" I read from the screen and exhaled noisily. How does she even have the audacity to text me such a thing, after she'd ignored me? Luckily, my memory came back to me before I had to spend the night on the street. But of course, I won't tell Winter this.

"Nope, I had to look for a shelter," I texted back, adding an emoji with a lonely tear.

"Hope you had a comfortable time there." Popped up on the screen, and a sign that Winter was typing something else. "Saturday, 6pm, come to my house."

"Oh, miss me?"

"Keep dreaming. My mom insisted hard on inviting you to dinner."

"Just me?" I smirked. "Is your mom... interested in me?"

"Ugh, leave it in your fantasies."

"How can I when she's so hot? I can't control myself," I wrote, giggling, in fact I've already forgotten what her mom looked like. Though, I hadn't forgotten about the silent, lonesome spark that flew between us, maybe if Winter hadn't been in the room...