𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 | f. w

xxxix. haywire*

chapter thirty-nine
HAYWIRE

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This chapter contains scenes of sexual nature, including scenes depicting substance abuse. Please read with caution.

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🥀

» » SHE WAS LOSING CONTROL. Despite doing what she thought was best—for both herself and for Fred—-Edith had more than a hard time coping with things. If she wasn't crying and screaming into her pillow til her throat went sore and her head pounded, she was angry—mostly at herself—-and throwing anything she could get her hands on at the hard concrete wall, watching it break into a million tiny pieces. Those very few times when she did neither, she'd instead resort to a numb kind of behaviour, barely getting enough food or sleep to get by.

Everything was just falling apart at the seams, and Edith had only herself to blame.

Evidently, her friends were growing increasingly worried about the young girl, watching her breaking down from a close distance. Violet had let the girl move into her tiny apartment in central London, so she had a watchful eye on the brunette when she wasn't off working. Charlie and Florin had made the temporary move to England from Romania that same year, finally moving in together as a real couple, and Ravi had started casually dating while living out his life-long dream as a wand-maker. They all had their respective lives to live, but no matter how much they found their lives enjoyable, not one of them seized to care for the troubled girl.

There wasn't anything Edith hated as much as being asked the question "are you okay?". It made her feel small, broken, as if something was terribly wrong with her. And it was—she just didn't want to be reminded of that all the time.

The one thing that seemed to help her, was the one thing that she swore she'd never let control her; alcohol. It was always something she tended to find joy in, especially whenever she'd go out to drink with her friends or hang back with Fred in their apartment. Now however, things seemed to have taken a toll on her. She wasn't finding joy in it anymore, but it was more so a way for her to cope — albeit in an unhealthy way — and to forget about her troubles for at least a little while. And it did. It helped. It made her not be entirely consumed by guilt or sadness, instead trapping her in a blissful and carefree state of mind, letting all of her worries go.

It wasn't long before it wasn't enough anymore. Drinking made her let go, feel like she wasn't entirely broken, but it stopped filling the void within her, and soon enough, she found other ways to go about coping.

She found herself a dealer close to where she and Violet lived, someone who was willing to serve her the stuff she so desperately needed to get by, in exchange for a fair share of money of course. She'd meet up with him a few times a month, and it quickly became a habit, a routine.

Edith had fallen into a deep dark pit of despair, and she wasn't capable of climbing out of it on her own. She needed help, and she was well aware of the fact, she was just too prideful, too angry with herself to actually ask for it.

✦✧✦

"Yes. Ah—right there. You're making me feel so good."

His was moaning against her skin, their limbs intertwined as he pounded into her, filling her up. Sex between them had become yet another routine for her, something to take her mind off him, and no matter how strange it might have felt to be with one of your closest friends like this, Edith thought it did the job. It made her feel something, anything, even if it was just for a short moment, and that was really all that mattered.

After releasing his load onto her stomach, grunting as he did, Ravi fell into his back beside Edith. They were both breathing heavily, hearts pounding underneath their chests.

Ravi let out a chuckle.

"What?", the brunette asked, on the edge of annoyance.

"I just—I never thought we'd end up here. You and me. Who'd have thought, huh?"

Definitely not me, Edith thought to herself, thinking about the consequences of her actions for the first time in months. She had been finding herself in Ravi's bed a fair share of times at that point, they knew each other's bodies inside and out, and yet, everything about it felt wrong. She knew that what she was doing was her own way of dealing with everything, and for a minute she didn't care if it was healthy or not to be doing it, but now, lying here, she just couldn't help but feel like she was a fraud.

She loved Fred.

So why in hell was she finding herself in bed with someone else every other day?

It all started when Edith had come to Ravi's flat after one of many drunken excursions in town, drunk off her ass. They had ended the night in bed together, and when they awoke the following day, things between them were more than awkward. Yet, somewhere in the midst of everything, they came to the shared decision that they both needed something to blow off some steam every once in awhile, and so, they reached an agreement. Sex would just be that between them, sex, and they would continue to have it, so long as they both found pleasure in doing so.

"I need a drink", Edith stood up, collecting her clothes from off the floor and heading towards the kitchen. Ravi was left dozing off in bed.

"Where is it—", she mumbled to herself, looking high and wide for her little bag of glitter. It wasn't long before she found what she was looking for. Stuffed in one of the outer pockets of her small purse, was an even smaller, see-through bag of white dust.

✦✧✦

Edith walked back home after pressing a small kiss to a still very much asleep Ravi's forehead. High as a kite, and in a much better mood than before, she stalked forward, her legs nearly buckling from beneath her.

Finally, she reached the doorstep of Violets apartment. Fumbling with her keys, the door opened wide. Stood there, was Violet, and she didn't look happy.

"We need to talk."

⬩ word count: 1075