𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 | f. w

l. éloignement

chapter fifty
ÉLOIGNEMENT

( french: "estrangement" )

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» » EDITH GANNON looked a right mess, and she felt it too. Ever since her 'falling out' with Fred and being forced to accept that they were never really meant to be, she had been bordering on suicidal once more. Despite her continuous visits to see Dr Mayan, her therapist four years running, the young woman was still in a dark enough place that she'd wake from nightmares, screaming and clawing at her arms, sweat dripping from her forehead. Al though it wasn't nearly as bad as it had been just after Lena died and the thing with her parents, Edith  was struggling in the very least. She spent most of her days battling her own demons, her thoughts making it nearly impossible to pay attention in class, and when her students made an effort to ask how she was fairing, she'd simply shrug it off, telling them every white lie she could think of.

"I'm okay, I'm just stressed".

"It's nothing to worry about, I'll be better once I sleep some more."

"It's just my migraine acting up."

Even her friends back home started worrying, once more to an agree that they were afraid she'd fall back into her old ways of self-harm. Charlie, Florin, Violet and Cerise found themselves checking in on her every once in a while, making sure she slept and ate, if only just enough to get by. Still, the young woman would come up with her fair share of excuses, rating from almost believable to utterly ridiculous. She was fighting everyday, even getting out of bed in the morning was a battle in itself, and her friends recognised that.

"You really should be eating something, love", Violet pleaded Edith while on a spontaneous visit to her small one-bedroom apartment which she had gotten after moving out of her and Fred's shared flat. It wasn't much to look at, the kitchen was small and attached to the living room area were the girl spent little, if any of her time. "I know it's hard and that you're struggling, but to see you like this... It's breaking my heart. Please, Edith."

"You know, everyone keeps telling me that I should take care of myself, that I'm not doing enough, but—what if I don't know how to take care of myself? What if, all this time—I've been too dependent on Fred, on all of you, that I don't know how to go about doing that anymore?"

Violet let out a deep sigh, her hand reaching for Edith's. She gave it a tight squeeze, a promise of comfort, of her love and care for the girl.

"That's not true. You—you're Edith—"

"I don't know who that is anymore!" Edith snarled, pulling her hands away quickly, her face contorted into a not-so-subtle frown.

It was true. Ever since her break up with Fred, Edith had lost a piece of herself. The person she once was had long since disappeared, leaving her a broken and shattered mess with no confidence or self worth left. That girl—the Edith she used to be—was long gone, and so were all traces of her ever existing to begin with.

"You don't know what it's like. To have everything you've ever loved be taken from you. To have your only sense of security look at you as if you were a broken shard of glass. Fragile and pathetic." She exhaled, her lungs aching from breathing too heavily. "I couldn't bare it, Violet. To have him look at me like that. Taking care of me, having to keep a watchful eye on me all the time as if I was seconds away from breaking. It's not his fault, I know it isn't—but I just can't stand the idea of him having to put his life on hold for me. I won't do that to him. I—I just can't." Tears were now streaming down the young woman's face, her eyes red and bloodshot. She tried wiping them away, but they just kept falling. It was no use.