𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 | f. w

xli. fred weasley, the knob head

chapter forty-one
FRED WEASLEY, THE KNOB HEAD

🥀

Fred

» » SHE TAUGHT ME THE PIANO. I never knew how to play any instrument, and until that moment when her tiny, fragile fingers graced the keys I hadn't wanted to either. Perhaps it was the way her hands made contact with mine and sparked a fire in me I never wished to burn out or the way a small laugh escaped her mouth when I pressed the wrong key a little too confidently. No matter what it was, I had never been more sure of anything in my life.

I was in love with Edith Harlowe Gannon, and I would never not be.

It wasn't until I caught sight of it sitting in the corner of one of the few muggle pubs I had been frequenting quite a lot recently, that I came to realize just how heartbroken I actually was. After parting ways with Edith I started to go back into my old, destructive ways; I sought comfort in alcohol, and I rarely made time for family and friends. Instead, I became a loyal customer at a muggle pub in a quite dodgy part of London, and I often showed up to work hungover or intoxicated. I wasn't myself anymore, and in some ways, I didn't care.

Well, that's a lie; this all happened because I cared too much.

"Do you play?", I heard a seductive yet strange voice nearing me, and I nearly jumped out of my own skin, not noticing the stranger's presence until that moment. I was too deep in my own mind thinking about Edith's fingers holding mine against the keys, her gentle touch sending shock waves through my body. The way the mere presence of her used to force a smile onto my lips and a maroon shade of color onto my cheeks. It wasn't until the woman standing over me repeated her question a second time that I looked up and acknowledged her at all.

She was beautiful. Her black, almost raven-colored hair went past her chest, her eyes glimmered with mischief, and her lips curved into a smile. She looked at me, waiting for any sort of reply. I didn't say anything, I merely returned her smile, albeit somewhat half-heartedly, and when she rested her hand upon mine, I knew she was the distraction I so desperately craved.

✦✧✦

I woke up the following day to the birds chirping outside the window, the sun had just risen, welcoming yet a new day. I stretched my arms and legs out, running my hand through my untamed ginger locks.

"Morning", a strange, unknown voice whispered from beside me. It took a moment or two for me to realize that I hadn't in fact woken up alone, but with that raven-haired girl from the pub.

"Hi" I greeted her, feeling awkward and regretting last night ever happening. Then a question popped into my head, and I turned to face the stranger in my bed.

"We didn't sleep together if that's what you're worried about. You kept talking on and on about some stupid girl who broke your heart. It was quite the sob story actually", she smiled and I let out a deep sigh of relief. I didn't sleep with her. "Look-- you're hot and all, but I'd never sleep with someone who can't catch a breath to stop talking about someone else. It just isn't me." She raised from the bed, letting her slim legs fall onto the floor. She reached for her clothes lying thrown all over and started getting dressed.

Thank God, I thought to myself.

Despite mine and Edith's break up and the heartbreak I was going through at present time, I would never be able to live with myself if I jumped into bed with someone else so soon after everything. A part of me would always love her, no matter what, and I was growing closer and closer to realizing I would never be able to be with someone else in that way. She was the love of my life, and no one else compared to her. No one else would even come close, I was sure of it.

So whenever I seated myself at the bar on those nights I felt especially alone and miserable, and a strange woman made futile attempts at flirting with me, I would play along. I would flirt back, even if it was harmful and meant nothing more to me. Yes, I would show interest in other women, but I never ended up sleeping with either one of them. I couldn't. I couldn't allow myself anything more than subtle flirting and small conversation to happen. Because whenever the opportunity to sleep with any of those women presented itself to me, I quickly realized I couldn't do that to Edith, never mind myself. It would only tear at my own conscience, and I would never be able to forgive myself if I did. I loved Edith still, and after having been graced with her skin touching mine, nothing else seemed to come close to how she made me feel.

I loved her, and so I would never be able to make love to someone who wasn't her.

✦✧✦

"I'm worried about you, Freddie. We all are."

After having fled the scene of waking up next to a stranger (whom I learned was actually named Tara) I Apparated to my sisters' place. I hadn't visited her in what felt like forever, and I felt extremely guilty for the lack of contact I had had with all of my family members.

"You don't need to be," I stated, having a firm hold of the glass of wine in my hand, almost so much that my knuckles began to turn white. I was growing more and more frustrated with the people around me telling me what to do, even more so with myself for acting the way I did. "I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions. I'm a big boy, Gin, and I don't want either one of you to worry about me. Mum does that enough as it is."

"Have you spoken to her yet?" Ginny asked, biting at her cubicles, a habit I had quickly learned to associate with Edith. She would usually do that till they started to bleed, and I had told her off several times throughout our relationship because of it. She never bothered to try and stop, of course.

I took a deep breath before gulping down the last few drops of white wine.

"She's been sending me letters every other day wondering when I'll be coming over to visit. She's trying to get me to see more people, she even had dad writing the other day. I don't think I've ever seen what his handwriting looks like." I chuckled but felt that familiar tug at my chest. Outward I might have looked happy, but inside, I was screaming.

Ginny chuckled and I sent her a confused look. "What?"

"I wasn't talking about mum, Fred." She smiled knowingly.

I let a deep sigh escape me, putting down the empty glass before wringing my hands in uncomfortable silence. My heart was starting to beat almost painfully inside my chest.

"Don't—"

"—you should hear her out, Freddie. I know you two didn't really end things in the best way possible, but you should know that she's been miserable these last few weeks. Ever since you came to her flat—"

"Wait—how could you possibly know about that?"

"I'm—"

"Oh my god. Ginny, really? You and her?"

"I was going to tell you, I just didn't know how to—"

"This is amazing Gin, I'm so happy for you. The both of you." I revealed a smile, feeling happy for my baby sister and the fact that she finally happened to find someone to share in her happiness. Even if that person happened to be an ex of mine. If you could even call it that.

"Don't change the subject here, mister. We're discussing your love life and whether or not you've spoken to Edith yet."

"I haven't. She doesn't want to see me, Gin. She might be better off."

She sighed. "We both know that's not true. That girl adores the heck out of you. You're just too much of a knobhead to see it."

⬩ word count: 1398