Freak Accident | SooGyu

35

"I don't want ice cream" I told Soobin. He squints his eyes at me.

"You told me you wanted to get ice cream" he's being reasonable really, after all we're ordering ice cream right now.

"I don't want ice cream" he bites his lip and turns to the worker whose bulging eyes are darting back and forth from me and him

"Two mint chocolate chip" I roll my eyes

"I'm going to go sit down at the booth" I walk off and pick the farthest booth and sit down. Not too long later Soobin sits in front of me and hands me an ice cream cone dunked in a cup. It was already melting.

"Thank you" I was the one who suggested us to come, I just wanted to get out of the house.

"Are you actually gonna eat it?"

"no" I smile at him. His face blanks and his eyes dart away as if he saw something he wasn't supposed to.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Be an asshole" his words cut like a dagger. He's the only one who calls out my horrible mood swings.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I do. I think there might be something poisoning my mind" I feel like I should be ashamed but I've done worse so I'm immune to the feeling. Still, I feel bad.

"It's okay" he licks his ice cream

"Don't excuse my behavior, that's dangerous"

"I'm not excusing it. I know you're fucked in the head. It's okay, I am too" I find comfort in his words. It makes me think that, in our own fucked way, this could work.

"Let's go to a party tonight" He laughs out loud.

"What?"

"That's a horrible idea"

"Why?"

"Because you're a month sober"

"I know. I'm going to be around alcohol my whole life, that doesn't mean I should stop having fun"

"No"

"I'm not asking you if I can go, I'm asking you if you want to go together. Either way I'm going." He sighs

"Okay, yeah let's go" I smile

"No fighting people either"

"Okay"

"I'm serious"

"Don't give me a reason to fight then"

"If I have to control myself around alcohol you have to control yourself-"

"Around you? That's honestly harder than you think Beomgyu"

"look just don't do it tonight okay? I really don't want to hear Taehyun complain about having to drag you out" Taehyun is the only one in the group who I'm actually friends with, which is a surprise since I've been pretty bitchy towards his friend Huening Kai. Either he's oblivious; or he's almost as horrible as me.

"I still don't think it's a good idea. We could hang out in my dorm or-"

"Soobin-" I'm so desperate my voice wavers "-I'm going crazy. I'm sober and the only places I go anymore is my room, your dorm, or the library"

"I don't see a problem with that? you're a recovering addict, you're so fragile-"

"Don't call me that!" I get so angry that I want to hit him but hit my cup of ice cream instead. It was practically melted so it flung onto everything. booths, tables, even a lady's legs.

Everyone looks at me and I get even more pissed

"Mind your fucking business! theres a spill by the way" I dash out of my seat and leave that goddam ice cream parlor. It was located close to downtown. Luckily for me it was getting dark so hopefully Soobin wouldn't be able to find me as easy. I lift up the hood of my black hoodie and ran towards the bridge so I can cross the lake try to find somewhere calm. I'm angry, in sensory over load, and sober. Fuck this.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I check to see, and it's Soobin calling.

and fuck him! I check my phone into the lake and sprint down the rest of the bridge.

I'll admit to it okay, I am a horrible person. I am a liar, a horrible friend, quit possibly even slightly evil, but I am not fragile.

I end up on a bench. Theres this festival happening close by but far enough where it's private. I'll take what I can get.

"Why do you have a phone if you don't answer?" he finds me

"I threw it into the lake." I dead pan

"Didn't you just get that phone?"

"Fuck you" he nods his head and sits down next to me, but I wasn't don't speaking "I'm not fragile Soobin"

"I didn't mean it in a bad way, I swear"

"I'm. Not. Fragile." He sighs and the kindness in his eyes turn serious.

"Beomgyu, you chucked your ice cream, threw your phone into the lake, and ran away because I said something that upset you"

"So?"

"So? soles you are fragile. Thats not a bad thing Beomgyu! why can't you understand that I care about you. What if something makes you mad at this party and you strum off and chug the nearest bottle? then it's going to be my fault!" his voice cracks at the end and and his pool up. He clears his throat and looks away from me, and for a moment we watch the festival in silence.

People with sparklers, letting go of lanterns; taking pictures together under the lights. It was a totally difference atmosphere from parties, but it was familiar.

"I don't like partying because of drinking-although it is a bonus... I like it because of people"

"I don't think you're a people person Beomgyu" he's still looking at the festival, which i'm thankful for because I don't think I'd be able to hum if he looks at me right now.

"Okay, so I don't like socializing, its the opposite actually. I like watching"

"Explain?" I'm following a firefly with my eyes. It flies into the festival and circles around two boys walking together.

"Well like, every person has their own life, and when you party you get to see all kinds of people. I like to watch them in imagine their lives.." I point at a girl walking. She has short curly hair and looks a bit lost "..she is a golden child and student, tonight she gets a night of freedom to meet a boy she's been talking to online, but she gets stood up"

"What? why can't you give her a happy ending?" I shrug

"Thats life" he looks at me and laughs

"so you just give everyone a tragic back story?"

"Something like that..." I look off to the side at some ant hill "...sometimes though I'm selfish and imagine a life with them. I imagine all the ways I could fuck them up, and vice versa"

"Why would you imagine that?"

"Because I'm selfish like that" he hums

"Well, do you want to go see if that festival has food?"

Even when I'm horrible, Soobin doesn't mind. Even after we fight; after I hit him or he breaks; or hurts someone. He still comes back.

There has to be something wrong with him.

It makes me wonder what his limits are, and how close I can get to them.