Prologue

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Seeing him for the first time wasn't like a breath of fresh air, it was like a car accident; gut-wrenching, horrible, a catastrophe- but you can't look away, in fact, you want to look, because despite knowing its wrong you just can't stop your curiosity. Humans really are weird. I'm weird.

When I was eleven, I went to spend a summer with my Grandparents. My Dad had gotten remarried to a woman the spring prior and decided to honey moon in Hawaii for three whole months, so while they were drinking out of coconuts and walking along the beach, I was stuck milking cows and sleeping in a hot stuffy attic where for the first two weeks my only friends were the spiders in the corner, but then I was introduced to my uncle Lance.

He was adopted, and it was obvious, before meeting him I had never seen anyone with naturally blonde hair, and colored eyes. According to him, love doesn't exist, just curiosity that never goes away. I remember this suddenly on the car ride to the party. I don't think much of it, just thinking it was a passing thought, but the thought lingers.

New Year's Eve, I was walking down the sidewalk to the party that Taehyun dragged me to. He was stumbling beside me, already tipsy from pregaming. I wore my thickest coat, but I was still freezing. My chin tucked down and my hands inside my pockets to preserve any warmth I could. I could see my breath, and I felt my toes beginning to freeze. The only parking spot we could find was two streets down, and as a result, we were forced to walk the rest of the way.

"We should have stayed home" I complained shakily to Taehyun.

"But we're already here" Taehyun and I could see the frat house up ahead, still decorated in Christmas lights, and icicles along the porch railings. I remember being anxious when going up the front porch steps. At the time, I assumed I was just eager to get inside somewhere warm, but now I think otherwise. Now I believe that my heart was preparing itself.

"You guys made it!" Huening Kai greeted us almost immediately. He wore a silver party hat, and his face was red from god knows what reason.

"We always do" Taehyun and he hugged briefly, but he and I shared a fist bump as usual.

"Wow Soobin, your jacket is huge, you must be hella warm" Huening Kai eyed my brown coat.

"I wish," I said as I began taking off my coat.

"The coat rack is by the dooor!" Huening Kai calls put as him and Taehyun go deeper into the party.

So, I wasn't new to parties, but tonight I felt lost. I could hear conversations around me and I could see all the warm colorful lights lighting up the house, but I was dazed and walked aimlessly until I ended up in the kitchen trying to get away from the horrid smell. The entire living room smelled like a cinnamon air freshener and it gave me a small headache because I can't stand the smell.

Before today I had never seen a boy in real life wear makeup. It was normalized enough online but never found its way into my personal life, and while I may think that that kind of thing is kind of weird, I will admit the red eye shadow looked so nice around his eyes. His dark eyes weren't cold, or warm, they were just eyes, eyes that fucking knocked the wind out of me.

If I'm being honest, he scares the living shit out of me. He's a boy, obviously, but he's prettier than any girl in the house- prettier than any girl I've ever seen; and not in a pretty feminine way, I'm talking about just fucking obviousness. He wore a black T-shirt with a white corset over it. Blonde hair fell down his forehead and around his eyes, red dangly cross earrings match his eyes. He was androgynous; beautifully so.

I couldn't stop looking at him, he was just like a car accident. This boy with bleached hair, and blue nails who was a mere stranger at a party, has unknowingly just ruined my life.

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