Alexithymia

02

GOF YR 4

When Snape announced that we were to have a Yule ball with the other schools, the boys collectively groaned and the girls immediately started whispering. Everyone wanted to know who was going with who.

"I reckon he's gonna ask that Beauxbatons girl. He's been making eyes at her this entire time." I muttered to Daph.

We were currently sitting under a tree, watching as Draco taunted Potter for what seemed to be the thousandth time. The said girl in question was standing further behind with her group of friends.

I honestly felt bad for Potter. Even without the constant teasing from Draco, it was bad enough that he and his best mate Weasley were avoiding each other like the plague. No matter where I went, I couldn't escape the constant gossip about the 'chosen one'. It's been rough for him.

Daphne made a confused face and then looked at me. "I thought he was going to ask you? I mean you spent the summer at the Manor."

I scoffed. "That meant absolutely nothing. And besides, it's not like it was his choice."

"Don't act like that," She scolded me. "Blaise told me he's planning to ask a friend and Tracey told me she overheard him telling Goyle he was going to ask you after potions today."

Unbelievable.

"Don't get my hopes up, Daph." I sighed, leaning back against the trunk of the tree and closed the book in my lap. "What if he doesn't ask me? I'd be- well honestly I don't know, but I imagine I wouldn't feel great."

Daph was about to hit me with nice words when we saw Tracey approaching us. She had a light bounce in her step and looked absolutely giddy.

"Peucy asked me to be his date to the dance!" She squealed, plopping down between us as Daph and I made noises of excitement.

"Wait, does that mean I'm the only one without a date?" I laughed. Daphne had rejected about five Durmstrang boys before Theo asked her to be his date.

"I don't think Pansy has a date." Tracey said, grabbing my book and skimming through it before tossing it back to me. "Muggle literature," She said with a grimace.

"We've been over this, Ash. You don't need to worry, he's gonna ask you today." Daph groaned, leaning over Tracey.

"Oh! Yeah, Draco's gonna ask you after class today." She nodded in agreement with Daphne. The two were so adamant about it that I couldn't help but frown.

"Maybe I'll just ask Blaise." I sighed, "He doesn't have a date yet and it would be fun to go with a friend."

"Draco's your friend," Tracey wiggled her eyebrows to the best of her abilities. It was subpar at best, but we all got a good laugh out of it.

"That's different-"

"Because she fancies him." Daphne interrupted, earning a handful of grass that I threw at her.

—-

I went into potions and sat next to Draco like I usually did.

"Do you have a date to the yule ball yet?" He asked, peering up from his cutting.

"No," I paused, looking up at him, "Do you?"

"No," He grinned sheepishly, continuing his careful incisions on the ginger root.

We spent the rest of the class in a comfortable silence, only speaking to work on our potion. Snape had instructed us to work on an antidote that I couldn't pronounce.

When class ended, I packed my books as slowly as I could while still being normal, but Draco simply smiled at me and said, "I'll see you at dinner." before walking out.

Maybe he would ask me at dinner?

It seemed like everyone already had nabbed a date except me and Draco. And Weasley and Potter.

—

Daphne and Tracey were wrong.

They were so wrong.

Draco had asked Pansy.

"Blaise!" I called, entering the common room.

Everyone was at the great hall for dinner, but I had just finished a checkup meeting with Mcgonagall. After she informed me of her Yule ball date, Pansy had told me that Blaise left early and was probably back at the dorms.

Just as she said, I found Blaise lounging on a couch, checking his transfigurations essay. He looked at me over his paper. "Yule ball?"

It seemed like we were both on the same page because I gave him a nod and he returned it with a thumbs up before returning to his work.

I went up to the room I shared with Pansy, Daphne, and Tracey, and crawled into bed, drawing my curtains closed.

Tracey and Daphne were so confident that Draco was going to ask me. But of course he didn't. I wasn't sure if he fancied Pansy, but it would make a lot of sense. He was always apologizing to her when they got into their little spats.

Pansy had a bad reputation among the students of our year- all the Slytherins did, but we knew her. How could he not like her? She was effortlessly pretty and outgoing. She was headstrong and could keep up with the boys when they ran around the castle. And she was a good friend.

She didn't know how I felt about Draco. Daphne and Tracey had come to their own conclusions and after a series of deceitful questions, I unintentionally confirmed it for them. I hadn't told Pansy.

I heard the chatter from the girls as they returned from dinner. Their conversation quickly quieted once they saw my curtains closed.

"I think she's asleep, we shouldn't bother her." I heard Pansy whisper.

Too lazy to alert them of my awakeness, I decided I could use a few more hours of sleep than usual.

Instead, I found myself staring into the darkness, listening to Daphne's quiet snores that filled the room.