Alexithymia

21

<draco pov>

The absence of burning on my arm immediately set off alarm warnings in my head. The surface under me was stiff, lumpy, and I couldn't feel my wand anywhere on my body. Not only that, but my wrists were bound together, making it impossible to lift up my sleeve to confirm what actually happened.

The last few events felt like a fever dream. There was no way Ashlynn had done that. After I specifically told her why I lied to her about how I felt for her. There was no way she did something as idiotically Gryffindor as force feeding me a mysterious potion, right?

"Blimey, I think he's awake."

I squinted, my eyes still adjusting to the blatant lack of light.

"Will you stop gawking at me, Weasel, and untie my bloody hands," I scoffed at the dumbfounded wizard standing in front of me.

"Sod off, Malfoy." Weasley spat and pointed his wand straight at me. "Harry!" He yelled.

Saint Potter emerged from the hall, looking as distraught as ever. "Oh good, you're awake." He sighed, "Gave me quite a scare there. For a moment I thought Selwyn had sent me off with a dead boy."

I jumped at the sound of her name, jerking at the binds and causing Weasley to flinch.

"Where is she- Is she here? Is she safe? What happened-"

"Merlin, calm down Malfoy," Weasley said, lowering his wand. "It's almost pitiful to see him like this," He whispered to Potter, "That's not the Malfoy I know- all jittery and worried. The pompous git is sweating cold."

"Weasley." I gritted. "Untie me so I can go get my witch."

His face paled and he shared a glance at Potter who spoke next. "No way, Malfoy. We're not letting you out until we know for sure you're not going to run away." He paused, frowning and adjusted his glasses, "Professor Dumbledore and Selwyn- no, Ashlynn- they went through a lot of trouble to get you out."

"Dumbledore, right, that old geezer-"

"Be respectful." Potter spat, his face tense with pain.  "He's dead."

"And besides" Weasley followed suit, "How do we even know you're on our side? You're one of them."

What was I even doing here, trying to plead my case with Weasel and Potter? I should be out there, searching for Ash or trying to find a way for her to join me. That idiot witch. That idiot, no good, self-sacrificing, witch. Where the bloody hell was my wand?

"I've got it!" Granger yelled and emerged from the hall, holding a small vial of clear liquid.

"Is that-"

"The veritaserum. I found the one I stashed from the last meeting- here."

My jaw dropped. I knew they didn't trust me, but for them to go to such lengths to ensure my loyalties was astounding. Potter surely would've been dead by now if he hadn't got Granger by his side.

"I can't believe you all." I muttered. "Don't look at me like that."

Receiving a pitiful look from Granger of all people was enough for the reality of my situation to really sink in. Everyone I knew and loved thought I was dead. The only one who knew was stuck in my place, still under the reign of a madman.

"It's really not that bad." She frowned, glancing at Potter. It was like they all looked at him for approval or something. "It's just as a precaution. We can't be too safe. It was already a risk for Harry to bring you as is."

My gut lurched at the thought of what they could uncover with just a few drops of that treacherous potion. "I'll tell you this now, but I have no desire to join your little coupe or cause. I only care about Ash."

"That's not really helping." Potter sighed, plopping down on the couch in front of me. He rubbed a hand over his tired face. Sometimes it was really easy to forget just how young we were. "You need to be on our side. 100 percent, Malfoy, or they'll never let you go. Blimey, the majority of the Order thinks you're a spy."

"And you?" I questioned, "Don't you think I'm a spy?"

"Can I be honest here?" He twisted his hands together. Was he- nervous? It was a habit Ash always did when she was trying to submerge her anxiety. I imagine Potter's often anxious these days. "I think you would do anything for Ashlynn, and her for you. The fact being that it was her wish that you defected, I hopefully presume that you'd honor that wish of hers."

My brow raised. Interesting. "So you trust me?"

"No." Potter scoffed immediately. "Not one bit. But I didn't trust her at first. Actually, I still don't trust her, but what I saw in the tower, how desperate she was to get you out. I refuse to believe that wasn't real."

"Honestly, Potter, after that stunt she pulled- I don't trust her either. But that doesn't change that I'd do anything for her."

"So you'll cooperate?" Granger perked up, holding the vial up to my lips.

One last sigh for good measure, and I knocked back the tasteless serum.