Alexithymia

13

It burned. It fucking burned.

My left forearm was itchy and stung. I wanted to cut it off. It felt like I had been stabbed- multiple times- and someone had rubbed sandpaper on my wounds.

The dark ink stained my pale skin.

"What did you just do, Ashlynn?" I whispered to myself.

My life had changed within moments. 

No, don't be so dramatic. 

I knew this was going to happen eventually. All of us born to this fate would eventually hold the mark. I was just now doing it without my parents.

My mom. Merlin. She must be worried sick.

But she can't come back.

She doesn't even know that dad's dead.

I wanted to cry but I couldn't feel any tears. It was like my occlumency took over and stole all of my feelings. I felt... sad? Maybe empty was a better word. The light I always envisioned at the tunnel had faded. I had no chance now. It was too late to run. I knew no matter where I went, my mark tied me to Voldemort. I could no longer escape.

Numb. That was the word- I felt numb.

The room I occupied was dark and dreary. Deep purple curtains hung across massive windows that overlooked the gardens. Shortly after I received my death brand, Narcissa had sent for Briddy to bring me to a suitable room. I was to stay at the Manor since Bellatrix made it her personal mission to go back and burn my family home to the ground.

So much had happened in so little time and I was exhausted. The bed was smooth and firm. It seemed almost brand-new, with black silk sheets. The sleeve of my shirt burned from the mark. I tore off the singed fabric and changed into a jumper I found in the closet.

It was a green Slytherin jumper that was a size or two too large for me and smelled faintly of... mint?

Narcissa must've stocked it with Draco's old clothes.

I changed out of my pants to the sweats that were provided. They were also too large but for some reason they made me feel safer.

Narcissa told me that the only other occupied room in the hall was Draco's. We were the only two people in the West wing since the East wing was filled with notorious Death Eaters.

"Briddy has brought Ashlynn Sewlyn dinner. Briddy's Mistress would like the guest to keep to her room for the rest of the night." She paused. "It is not safe."

Briddy disappeared without a word.

She had brought a generous plate of bread, potatoes, and roast meat with a bowl of sprouts. I wanted to eat, I really did, but I couldn't move.

—--

<DRACO POV>

My arm fucking burned.

Mother suggested that I turned in for the night after Ashlynn had gone up, but the Dark Lord had not dismissed me yet.

"Draco, my dear boy," He placed a withered hand on my shoulder and I fought the urge to flinch. "Stay for the meal. Celebrate with us."

"My lord-"

"Narcissa." My father warned.

I hated the way my mother shrunk back from my father. My wife in the future would stand by me, tall and proud.

"I would be honored, my lord." It took all my effort not to grit my teeth through the pain.

"Fuck," I muttered, walking through the hall back to my room.

I had been so eager, so proud, to be the one receiving the mark. And yet, when I looked at the skull that branded my arm, my stomach churned.

Ashlynn.

She's probably staring at her mark in disgust. I know for a fact she didn't want it.

I knew, and yet I just watched as she writhed on the floor. She didn't scream. No, my witch knew better than to show weakness to that power hungry tyrant.

When I opened my room, the first thing I saw was an untouched plate of food and a lump on my bed.

She was curled up- on my bed- in my clothes.

From the looks of it, she was not peacefully dreaming too. Her mouth was twisted into a small frown and there was a faint crease between her furrowed eyebrows. Her hand kept twitching and grasping the covers.

All I wanted was to take away her pain. The fear etched onto her face when Yaxley and Bellatrix brought her in would haunt me. I already knew that.

It wasn't right for me to be here- in the same room as her- after what she'd just gone through. Even though it was technically mine.

Briddy must've been confused.

I quietly rummaged through my draws to grab some clothes and turned around to leave.

"Draco?" I heard her voice before I could open the door.

"Is that you?"

Shit.

Don't scare her. Don't add to her emotional trauma.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice was groggy and scratched. It sounded like she had been screaming.

"This is my room." I said, turning around as her face fell.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Her eyes widened. "This must've been a mistake- I'll go to another room."

"No," I said almost too quickly, and she stilled. Of course she didn't recognize my room. The walls were now bare and my bookshelf emptied of all the muggle literature she used to adore. "It's okay, stay. You've had a rough day. I'll go to a different room. I just needed to get some clothes."

Ash's cheeks reddened when she realized she was wearing my clothes.

"Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. They look good on you." I chuckled.

It was strange how normal I felt in the moment. Our conversation was weirdly humane considering everything that had just happened.

"You can stay. I mean- it is your room." She grabbed her arm and looked down at it. "And I can imagine that neither of us wants to be alone right now."

I had no idea what was going through her head but I didn't argue. She was right. I didn't want to be alone.