Alexithymia

05

I woke on one of the couches in the Slytherin common room, still clad in my dress from the night before with a massive headache. It was still dark and there was no one around. The clock beside me read at 5:30 am.

I barely made it back up to my room before puking my guts out in our toilet.

"That's what you get for stealing from my Firewhisky stash."

There was no mistaking the smugness in his quiet voice. However, I was too busy expelling bodily fluids to respond.

"Merlin, Ash. Did you drink all five bottles that you took from me?"

Draco grabbed one of the hair ties and pulled my hair back into a loose ponytail. When I stopped throwing up, he passed me a damp cloth so I could wipe my mouth, and a glass of water.

"Why are you in my room?" I leaned back against the cool tile of the tub and he passed me another cloth to clean my face.

"Why weren't you in your room?" He wore his quidditch jersey with black sweat slacks and stood, resting his hip on the sink counter with his arms crossed against his chest.

"I asked you first."

Draco uncrossed his arms and ruffled one hand through his already messed hair. "Blaise wanted the room so he kicked me out. I don't know where Crabbe and Goyle disappeared to but Pansy said I could stay over."

He paused and averted his eyes. "Daphne and Tracey said it was fine too. You weren't here, so I borrowed your bed."

"That's fine." I took another sip of the water that he had given me. The lights were too bright, my head was too loud, and Draco was too far away. "Can you get me a jumper and some shorts? I want to change out of this stupid dress."

He disappeared without a word and came back in seconds, handing me some clothes and then turning around so I could change peacefully.

Once I finished, I sat back down and he turned around.

"Where were you?" He sighed, "You left in the middle of the ball. No one could find you. You take not one, but five bottles from my trunk and show up the next morning looking like a mess."

"I prefer the term 'hot wreck'." My hair was no doubt knotted and my mascara smudged. I looked like a clown and felt like one too. Why in Merlin's name did I look like this while Draco sodding Malfoy was standing with me in my bathroom.

"Where were you?"

"I was drinking."

"I can see that. Who were you drinking with?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." I muttered, but to my surprise Draco closed the bathroom door and muttered a Muffliato.

"Yes, Ashlynn. I would like to know. Now, stop avoiding my questions. Who were you with?" He was no longer speaking with the fear of waking up my roommates.

"Why do you care?" I glared at him. "You were too busy snogging Pansy to even notice that I slipped out."

"You left Blaise all by himself."

"Yeah, well I see that worked out for him, unless you wouldn't be here. Nope, because if Blaise was really by himself, you would've been the one kicking him out of the room."

"For Salazar's sake." He groaned, "You know that's not true."

His voice sounded raspy- tired and there were bags under his eyes.

That's it. I give up.

"I was drinking with Hermione Granger." I whispered.

"Just answer the questions. No need to lie to me."

"I was drinking with Hermione Granger."

Draco stared at me like I had grown two heads. Then he laughed and shook his head.

"The mudblood? Honestly, Ash, if you were that bored with Blaise, I'm sure you could've talked to Tracey or Daphne. There's no need for you to socialize with mudbl-"

"She's fun to talk to." I interrupted.

"Granger? No way. There's a stick shoved so far up her arse I'm surprised she even-"

"Okay, I get it. Just- just stop." I hiccuped and felt my face warming, tears pooled in my eyes.

"Do you really? She's a mudblood." He stated.

"Why does that matter?" The tears had escaped my eyes, but I wiped them away with the back of my hand before they passed my cheeks.

"Her blood is tainted. Dirty. Filthy." He said with a grimace. "Not like us."

"Pureblood." I said, slowly testing the word on my tongue like it was foreign.

"What are you-"

"Pureblood." I repeated as if it would answer his question. "Mudblood. What makes their blood any more dirty than ours?"

"You can't possibly be serious." Draco scoffed. "Absurd. You're out of your wits- you know that?"

"Tell me, Draco. How can our blood be pure when it's tainted by the sins of our fathers?"

"What are you, a blood traitor now?" He sneered. "One drunken evening with Granger and you think they're just as good as us. No, Ash. Get it through your head. You're a pureblood whether you like it or not. Start acting like one." Draco's voice was sharp and he looked hurt, like I was betraying him for entertaining the thought that blood status didn't matter. He took a couple steps closer, now standing a few feet away from me.

"That's it." I stood a little too quickly, wobbling slightly and Draco twitched, like the sight of me physically hurt him. "Get out."

"Ash. C'mon. You know I'm right. Any of our friends would say the same thing. I know you. You're not actually a blood traitor, but if you said something like that in front of Pansy, you'd be called home within the week."

He was right. As much as I hated admitting that, he was right. If I had slipped and told anyone what I really thought, I'd be disowned. Hell, I already slipped up by admitting to Granger how I felt.

"Get out."

"Ashlynn." He did not get out.

So I picked up the closest bottle- it was Tracey's empty shampoo bottle- and threw it at Draco.

It missed, but the point was delivered. Draco huffed, and walked out.

"Draco? Why are you up so early? Is Ash back?" Pansy's voice was the absolute last thing I wanted to hear.

Our room door slammed, waking Daphne and Tracey in the process. I pushed the bathroom door closed, stripped off my clothes, and hopped into the shower. The water was on the highest setting and I stood, soaking in the warmth.

Something was coming. I knew it, hell, I could feel it. Something was coming and there would be sides to choose. I just hope we all chose the right one.